When You Least Expect It
by Failte
Summary: They met at a meeting of the Order and both their lives were turned upside down. Love does come when you least expect it. Prequel to Unlikely Soulmates.
1. Chapter 1

Hi all!

This is a prequel to my previous story "Unlikely Soulmates", I had too much fun writing about Tonks and Remus that I had to do another one. This is my take on how they met and it will probably be much longer than my previous HP stories.

The rating for this story will probably change later on.

Enjoy!

Failte

* * *

Tonks slowly opened the front door and peered inside. The house was quiet. For a moment, she was afraid she was too early. What if no one else was here yet? What if Sirius didn't remember her? What was he going to look like now?

It had been several years since she had last seen him and he has had to endure so much. What was he going to be like? She had heard such horrible stories about Azkaban and what happened to the people who had been there.

She entered the house and gently shut the door behind her, listening for any signs of life. Moody had warned her about Mrs. Black's portrait. She had faint memories of Sirius' mum from when she was younger, but her own mother hadn't stayed close with her family, so Tonks hadn't known Mrs. Black that well. After Sirius had left home when he was a teenager, he would come and visit Tonks and her parents. She had been quite young, but she had been drawn to him. He made her giggle and he was always bringing her dolls and toys.

Standing in the dusty old foyer, Tonks looked around trying to figure out where she should go next.

"Oh, hello, I didn't hear you come in."

She jumped at the hoarse whisper that invaded the silent room. Standing at the bottom of the stairs was a gentleman dressed in old trousers and a well-worn brown jumper. His light brown hair was peppered with grey and fell over his forehead in a casual, unkempt way. His face was young behind a few old scars and his eyes crinkled pleasantly when he smiled. She realized why she hadn't heard him enter when her gaze traveled down to his feet, which wore a pair of overly patched socks.

"Oh, uh, sorry," she nervously twirled a lock of her bright orange hair. "I, uh, I guess I'm early."

He tucked the book he was carrying under his arm and offered her his right hand. "I'm Remus Lupin."

"Oh, uh, Tonks." She took his hand, a bit surprised by the warm, firm grip.

"Tonks?" He furrowed his brow. "Is that your first or last name?"

"My last, I hate my first name, it's just hideous. I swear, I think my mother was smoking something strange when she came up with it. Either that or it was her dream to make her daughter resent her for the rest of her life. Any way, everyone just calls me Tonks, that's what I prefer."

Smiling, he released her hand. "All right then, I guess I'll call you Tonks as well. You can call me Remus. And, yes, you are a little early, but that's all right, I know Sirius is looking forward to the company."

"Is he here?"

"Of course. He's upstairs tending to…some things."

"I haven't seen him in years."

"You know Sirius?"

"We're cousins, well, second cousins, my mother is his cousin actually. Andromeda? She's my mum. She said she and Sirius had been friends when they were younger, well, she's older than he is, but they had been close. I haven't seen him since I was much younger, I think I was seven the last time I saw him. I don't know if he'll even remember me or what he'll be like." Tonks didn't know what was coming over her, but she found herself babbling to this total stranger. Maybe it was because he had the kindest brown eyes she had ever seen or the patience he wore so plainly on his face, but she found herself wanting to talk to him.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You're Nymph?"

She scowled. "That was his nickname for me."

"So you're Nymphadora?"

"Yes, but please don't call me that, I absolutely _hate_ that name."

"I think it's a lovely name, exotic and different. It seems to fit you, somehow."

Tonks silently cursed herself as she felt the blush flood her cheeks.

"I was about to have a cup of tea, would you like to join me?" He asked, nodding toward the doorway at the end of the hall.

"Uh, yes, that would be nice." She followed him down the hall toward the kitchen.

"Siruis should be down soon. He's been talking about seeing you again."

"Really?"

"Yes, he's been talking about it almost as much as he's been talking about seeing Harry again."

"Harry? Harry Potter?"

"Yes. Have you met him?"

"No. What's he like?"

"He's like…a teenage boy." Remus set a tea kettle on the stove and searched out tea cups. "He's a good kid, looks exactly like his father, James, but he has his mother's eyes."

She noticed the hint of sadness in his voice. "Did you know them? The Potters?"

"Yes. I went to Hogwarts with them and Sirius. James, Sirius, and I were inseparable in school. Along with Pete…another student, we were called the Marauders."

"I remember Sirius telling me stories about you guys. It was before I went to Hogwarts and I kept bugging him with questions about it."

The corner of Remus' mouth quirked up in a half smile. "I'm going to guess that Sirius exaggerated a few stories."

"Maybe, but they were great stories."

He set a steaming cup of golden liquid on the table in front of her. "Would you like anything for your tea? Milk? Sugar?"

"No, thank you, this is fine."

"The others should be arriving in another half an hour. I hope you're hungry. Molly Weasley brings her whole brood and makes wonderful dinners." He returned to the stove to prepare his own tea.

"That sounds great, I haven't had a real, home-cooked meal in weeks, not since I last visited my parents. I usually eat out or grab something quickly. How many…oh bloody fucking hell!" Tonks jumped to her feet and pulled her robes off as the hot tea began to seep through the fabric.

Surprised, Remus turned quickly to see what had caused her to curse. "Bring it here, run it under cold water, we should be able to keep it from staining."

"I am such a damn klutz," she muttered angrily. Tonks ran the robe under the stream of water, soaking it through. She noticed that Remus stood next to her, closely, helping to pick the tea leaves off the fabric. Becoming very aware of his closeness, she could feel the heat from his body and inhaled his musky scent she found comforting and attractive. Tonks was shocked to feel a pleasant tingling in her stomach and she knew her cheeks had once again blushed bright red.

"There now." He lifted the dripping robes. "We can hang it by the fireplace and let it dry, it'll be fine. If there is any stain, ask Molly about it, she'll know what to do."

"Oh, yeah, thanks."

"There's no need to be embarrassed," Remus said kindly. "We've all spilled tea on ourselves at one time or another."

"Yeah, well, it happens to me more often. You wouldn't believe what a klutz I am." Tonks thanked Merlin that she had had the good mind to change the Weird Sisters shirt she had been wearing earlier to a green blouse over her black jeans. At least she would look semi-professional when the others arrived. She tensed when he reached out and touched her hair, her face burning even more.

"Leaf in your hair," he murmured, holding up the tiny wet tea leaf.

"I…I don't know how that got there when the tea ended up in my lap."

Remus chuckled and turned back to the stove. "Here, take mine, I can make another cup."

"No, please, I can get my own."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you safe around hot stoves?"

Her mouth fell open. "For your information, I haven't burned down any houses."

"No but you've singed your own hair a few times."

They both turned to see Sirius standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and a playful smile on his lips.

Tonks felt her heart sink a little at the sight of him. He didn't resemble the handsome, robust young man she remembered. He looked old and beaten, frighteningly thin with long, black hair and sunken eyes. "Sirius?"

"Nymph, how are you?" He crossed the room in three strides and swept her up in a tight hug.

She noticed how he clung to her like a lifeline, hugging tighter than necessary. Tears welled up in her eyes as she returned his hug. "I…I'm good. How're you?"

"Much better now." He held her at arms length. "Let me look at you. You've certainly grown up, you're the spitting image of your mother, at least I think you are."

"Everything is mine but the hair color," she said.

"I like it. How are your parents?"

"They're both fine."

"Geez, Nymph…"

"Tonks."

He laughed, his loud barking laugh. "Okay, _Tonks_, you look great."

"Wish I could say the same for you," she replied, the words coming out before she could stop herself.

He laughed again. "Merlin, it's good to have you here. I can't believe you're an auror. How did you manage to get through training without falling on your face?"

"I did a few times, but my top marks in Concealment and Disguise helped cancel that out."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and turned to Remus. "I take it you and Moony have met?"

"Moony?" Tonks asked.

"That's my nickname from our day in Hogwarts," Remus explained.

"What was your?" She asked her cousin.

"I'm Padfoot and James was Prongs."

"Those are some odd nicknames, where did they come from."

The two men exchanged a look and Remus shrugged.

"Have a seat, I'll let Remus tell the story while I fix my own tea," Sirius said as he crossed to a cupboard and pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey.

Tonks returned to her seat while Remus sat across from her, stirring two large spoonfuls of sugar into his teacup.

"I'm a werewolf," he began.

She jumped and fought the urge to run from the room. Everything she had ever been told about werewolves did not add up to equal the man sitting across from her. "You are not."

Sirius snorted.

"Yes, I assure you I am," Remus answered, smiling sadly. "This isn't something I would make up or joke about. I was bitten when I was very young and my parents never thought I would be able to get into Hogwarts with my…condition. But Dumbledore was able to work it out so I could attend. He planted the Whomping Willow over the entrance to a tunnel that leads to the Shrieking Shack. Each month, just before I transformed, the school nurse would help me to the tree, I would go to the shack, and transform there. When it was over I returned to the castle."

"But isn't the Shrieking Shack haunted?"

"No. When I transformed, I was alone, and in my wolf form I had no control over my behavior. I tore the building apart, I bit and scratched myself. All the noises that came from there were caused by me. The rumors about it being haunted started and Dumbledore did nothing to dissuade them, he knew no one would bother me if they were afraid to go there."

"How did you get past the Whomping Willow?"

"There's a knot at the bottom of the trunk, push it and the branches stop moving long enough to get through."

"Okay, I get the whole Moony nickname, where did the others come from?"

Sirius sat beside her carrying his warm mug of firewhiskey with a drop of tea in it. "We noticed that Remus kept disappearing each month. We had all become close friends from the first year and when one of your best mates disappears once a month, you get to thinking and we figured out what it was. So James, Peter, ruddy bastard, and I studied hard and learned how to become animagi. Well, James and I learned, then we helped Peter because he is a helpless, spineless piece of shite."

"You're an animagus?" Tonks asked, surprised and impressed.

"Keep it quiet, we did it all in secret and we never officially registered ourselves. As humans, we couldn't be around Remus in his wolf form, but if we were in animal form, he wouldn't be alone when he transformed. I transform into a big black dog, hence the nickname Padfoot, James was a stag, we called him Prongs, and Peter turned into a rat, which should have been a huge clue to us all about what a rat he _really_ was, and we called him Wormtail."

"Wormtail? Peter Pettigrew? Dumbledore told me about him. But…but he's with Voldemort now."

"Peter was the one who told Voldemort where to find the Potters," Remus said quietly.

"How could he!" She gasped and slammed her fist on the table, overturning her mug of tea.

Remus pulled his wand out and cleaned up the mess with a flick of his wrist. "I don't think you should have any more tea tonight, Tonks."

"Peter was a spineless coward who was seduced my evil. Bastard." Sirius grumbled. "Worthless piece of shite. Asshole. Jackass."

"Sirius, that's enough," Remus sighed.

"Fucking wanker."

"Sirius!"

"He deserves it."

"True, but it isn't going to change what happened. We need to find better ways to stop him."

"I don't understand," Tonks spoke up. "What happened? Why did he turn them over?"

"James and Lily wanted me to be their Secret Keeper," Sirius explained, staring angrily at his mug. "I thought that it would be too easy, everyone knew James and I were close, so it would be obvious that I would be their Secret Keeper. We knew that someone in our group of friends was sharing information with Voldemort. At the time, I thought it had been Remus, it was hard to know who you could and couldn't trust, and I had allowed old bigotries to cloud my judgment." He sounded terribly upset.

Remus spoke lowly, "You've long since been forgiven, old friend, there was a time I thought _you_ were the one."

Sirius cleared his throat and nodded. "Any way, I thought Peter was the one to go with. He had worshipped James and me in school, I didn't think he would have turned them in. It was all my fault."

"It was not," Remus insisted. "It was Voldemort's fault, Peter's fault, but not yours. James and Lily would have never blamed you, Harry doesn't blame you, and it's time you stopped blaming yourself."

Tonks was touched at the obvious depth of their friendship. They were more than friends, they were brothers. She had plenty of friends, most of them from her days in Hogwarts, but she hadn't been this close with any of them.

"Mudblood! Filthy scum! Tarnishing the good name of my fathers! Dirtying their home!" Mrs. Black's voice burst through the air causing the three of them to jump.

"Fred! George! You get back here and help! Oh! When I get my hands on you!"

"Sounds like the Calvary have arrived," Sirius said, jumping to his feet to go help.

"The Weasleys," Remus told Tonks. "Molly and Arthur come with four of their seven children, Bill, their oldest, is also a member of the Order, but he doesn't live at home any more and he'll come later."

"I know Arthur from the Ministry and I attended Hogwarts with Charlie Weasley. They all have red hair and freckles, right?"

"That would be them. They're an amazing group."

"Oh, I swear to Merlin that if those boys don't clean up their act I will…will…oh! I don't know what I'll do." Molly Weasley bustled into the kitchen, a sack of food clutched in one hand. Behind her came two girls, one a petite redhead and the other a pretty girl with bushy brown hair, each carrying a bag, and a tall, gangly redheaded boy carrying three bags. "Oh, Remus, I didn't see you there, how are you?"

"Just fine, Molly, thank you. Can I help you with those?"

She shook her head. "No, thank you, I have enough help. Oh, hello."

Tonks held her hand out to the older woman. "Hi, I'm, uh, I'm Tonks, new to the Order. You must be Mrs. Weasley."

"Oh please, Tonks, dear, call me Molly. This is my daughter Ginny, my son Ron, his friend Hermione, and the twins, Fred and George will be in here when they finish helping Sirius deal with his mother's painting. Arthur will be along soon, he had some work at the Ministry to deal with. I had hoped to get dinner done before the other's arrived."

Tonks watched as she began a whirlwind of activity preparing the meal. Within moments, three pots were on the stove, each being stirred by their own spoons. A large pot boiled over the fire in the fireplace. Wonderful aromas swirled around them and filled the kitchen, causing Tonks' mouth to water.

"This would be so much easier if I didn't have to keep tripping over you all," Molly said, stepping over a ginger cat that had followed them in. "Why don't you all go to the parlor? No, Remus, dear, I appreciate the offer, but it would be easier for me to do this alone. I'll call you all when dinner's ready."

"Come on," Ginny whispered to Tonks. "She really means it. Mum likes to be in charge, taking care of everything. If she needs help, she'll call for us."

"Oh, ew," Hermione groaned as they entered the hallway to a rancid smell.

"The twins set off a dungbomb," Ron said unnecessarily.

Shaking his head, Remus pulled out his wand again and waved it. Moments later, the scent of dungbombs was replaced with the pleasant aroma of lilacs.

"Oh, come on, Professor Lupin, what's the fun in lilacs?" A tall redhead met them in the parlor, followed by an identical young man.

"Professor?" Tonks whispered.

"Professor Lupin taught Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts," Hermione explained.

"Yes, I taught if for one year, two years ago," Remus said, sitting in a chair by the fireplace, ignoring the cloud of dust that rose from the cushion. "There is no need to keep calling me Professor."

The twins flopped back on the sofa. "Fine, _Remus_," one of the twins said.

"And what is the fun in dungbombs, George?" Remus asked.

"The way they make Mum's face turn bright red and cause her to lose the ability to form complete sentences," he replied honestly.

Ginny giggled, Hermione sighed angrily, while Ron snorted.

"With all that's going on right now, I would think you would want to help, not stress out, your mother," their former professor pointed out.

"We just want to break up the stress," Fred explained. "Without some laughter, we'd all be as good as dead."

"Good point. But there are other ways to break stress and bring about laughter without angering or upsetting your mother. It's never right to get enjoyment out of other people's suffering."

"What about getting enjoyment out of Voldy's suffering?"

"I would hope you would find enjoyment in ending Voldemort's reign, not in his suffering."

"Wow. I guess once a professor, always a professor," Tonks muttered.

Remus smiled.

The twins jumped to their feet, having not noticed her earlier.

"Hello, I'm Fred and this is George. Or rather, I'm George and he's Fred, we've forgotten which is which. And you are?"

"Tonks." She took the hand the first one offered. "Nice to meet you."

"Are you in the Order?"

"Yes."

"You don't look old enough."

"I suppose that's a compliment."

"The twins are upset because they aren't old enough to join," Ginny explained.

"But that doesn't stop them from eavesdropping," Remus pointed out.

"We have no idea what you're talking about," they said in unison, returning to the couch.

"What do you do?" Fred asked.

"I'm an auror," she told them.

"Really?" Ron's interest was piqued.

"Don't get too excited Ronnikins,' George teased. "You could never make it as an auror."

:Oh, I don't know," Tonks said. "No one thought I would be, but then I..ow! Bloody hell."

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, standing to help when she bumped into the corner of the table.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled, rubbing her shin. "I'm such a klutz, it's a miracle, sometimes, that I am still standing."

"Was it difficult becoming an auror?" Ron asked.

"It is a lot of hard work, but it's something I believe strongly in, something I love doing. I did well in school, not great, but well enough. The fact that I'm a Metamorphmagus helped a great deal."

"You're a Metamorphmagus?" Hermione asked excitedly.

"Yup."

"You can change any part of your appearance."

Tonks nodded and, to prove her point, scrunched up her face. A moment later her bright orange hair turned as red as the Weasley's, her nose long and narrow, like Ron's, and freckles popped up across her face.

"Oh, wow," Ginny gasped. "That is so cool!"

"Yeah, it's been known to come in handy." Tonks scrunched up her face again. Her hair shortened into inch long, pink spikes, her nose shortened and upturned a bit, and, when she opened her eyes, they were a sparkling lavender. "This is my favorite look."

"What's your natural look?" Remus asked.

She scowled. "Boring."

"Nah, you were always cute," Sirius said, entering the room. "Tonks wasn't cursed with the Black looks."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Yeah, who wants to be cursed with gorgeous looks, beautiful hair, and a great body?"

"You got the Black eyes."

"Let's just say I'm glad I can change my looks. It's more fun that way, and it helps me mess with people."

"I wonder," Fred began, scratching his chin. "If we could figure out how…"

"That's a great idea," George muttered.

"No, it's not," Hermione said.

"You don't even know what we're talking about, Hermione."

"You're talking about a new product for your mail order catalog…"

"Sh!" Both twins shushed her.

"Mum doesn't know they're still doing that," Ron whispered to her.

"Doing what?" Tonks asked, leaning over to join the conversation.

"We are the proud purveyors of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes," Fred explained proudly. "A line of fine magical items intended for comic relief."

Sirius laughed.

Remus smirked. "If only you would put that much effort into your schoolwork."

George scowled at him. "You sound like Mum."

"Would you like to see our catalog?" Fred asked Tonks.

"Sure, I'd love to."

"No you wouldn't," Hermione murmured.

Ginny grinned. "Just don't volunteer to be a tester for their new products and you should be fine."

The front door opened and more voices could be heard as more people entered the house. Sirius and Remus both stood to greet them. Tonks watched them leave, Remus stopped by the door and slipped a pair of loafers on.

"Sounds like the rest of the Order is here," Hermione said.

Ron sat back and laid a hand over his stomach. "Good, I am so hungry."

"You're always hungry, Ron," Ginny teased.

Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and Mad-Eye-Moody all entered the front parlor, chatting quietly. The greetings were barely finished when there was a knock on the front door and Mrs. Black started shouting. Sirius went to attend to that while Dumbledore and Remus went to answer the door. Emmeline Vance, Hestia Jones, Sturgis Podmore, and Dedalus Diggle arrived.

"Come on down to the kitchen," Mrs. Weasley announced. "The food is ready. The others will be arriving soon."

"How many other?" Tonks muttered to herself.

"There should be about eighteen of us." A voice whispered in her ear.

She jumped and bumped into whoever was standing beside her. Tonks laid a hand over her heart and glared at Remus. "You startled me."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. Come on, let's see if we can grab a couple of seats before the twins start booby-trapping the table."


	2. Chapter 2

Remus was finding himself utterly charmed by Sirius' young cousin. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was about her, but there was something that was drawing him to her. She was easygoing and good natured, but when it came to work, she was all business. Tonks was naturally curious and not afraid to ask questions. She brought a little levity to the otherwise uptight meetings. It started when Dumbledore introduced her to the rest of the Order.

"Before we begin, I would like to introduce the newest member of our group," the Headmaster told everyone. "Nymphadora Tonks. Tonks, would you like to say a few words."

"Uh, not really," she replied honestly.

Dumbledore glanced at her over the rims of his glasses and smiled.

Smiling sheepishly, Tonks pushed herself up and looked, almost shyly, around the table. "Hi, uh, my name is Tonks, just Tonks. I'm a junior aruor, I just finished my training a year ago. I, uh, I was honored when Albus asked me to join the Order, he found me through Sirius, who's my cousin, well, second cousin, or is it cousin first removed. Something like that. Anyway, uh, I hope I can be of help, I'm eager to do whatever needs to be done to kick Voldemort's ass…oh, uh, sorry, my mouth has a tendency to run even when I don't want it to. My dad used to say that my tongue could be as clumsy as the rest of me. Sorry about that. Uh, I guess, thanks for having me. Oh! And I'm a Metamorphmagus, it has come really in handy over the years and I'm sure it will help with this as well. I've found that…"

"Nymph!"

She glared at Sirius who was leaning back in his chair, watching her lazily. "Don't call me that."

"Rein it in, kiddo."

She blushed bright scarlet. "Uh, yeah, sorry. Thanks for letting me join."

Remus couldn't help but smile as she sank back down into her chair.

Dumbledore glanced around the table, his eyes twinkling. "Thank you, Tonks, we're glad you could join us."

When Dumbledore asked for volunteers to go collect Harry Potter from his relatives, Remus noticed that Tonks' was the second person to raise her hand, after Sirius. The Headmaster shook his head at Sirius and looked around the table.

"Remus, I am going to ask you to go since Harry knows and trusts you."

Lupin nodded. "Of course, I'd be more than happy to go." He glanced up and noticed Tonks studying him intently.

"Thank you. All right, Alastor, Kingsley, Dedalus, Elphias, Hestia, Sturgis, Emmeline, and Tonks. I've spoken with Alastor and he has come up with a plan for the trip and gathering Harry." Dumbledore explained. "Now, on to other news. I've heard from Hagrid, he has been speaking with the giants, but I am afraid that he isn't having much luck. But he is persistent and not yet ready to give up and return home. If anything happens, I will be sure to let you know. Now, Remus, how are things going with the werewolves."

Lupin once again felt Tonk's intense gaze on him. He cleared his throat. "Not much to report, I'm afraid. They think the wizards are getting what they deserve after the way werewolves have been treated all these years."

"Do you feel that way?" Tonks asked.

He turned to her and shook his head. "No. No one deserves this. And I know that not all wizards are bad."

The meeting went on for an hour as they discussed all that was going on with Voldemort and what they were doing to gather more members to help. Their biggest problem appeared to be the fact that the Ministry was controlling the Daily Profit and more people believed what they read there than what members of the Order had to say. Then Alastor went over his plan to collect Harry.

"Well, I believe that is all for this evening," Dumbledore announced. "If anything comes up, I will contact you."

It was getting late and most of the Order left for the evening. Sirius walked Mr. and Mrs. Weasley out to the front hall where they spoke quietly for quite a while. Tonks and Remus went about straightening up the kitchen with Bill.

"How is Charlie doing?" Tonks asked.

"Great. He's in Romania studying dragons and trying to recruit people for the Order. I bet that if you were to write to him, he'd appreciate it." Bill told her as he rolled up the parchments left on the table.

"Maybe I will. Is he planning on coming back to visit any time soon?"

"Hoping to rekindle some old flames?" He teased.

Tonks blushed. "Uh, no, I just thought it would be nice to see him again."

"Old flame?" Remus asked, wondering why the thought bothered him.

"Charlie and I went on a few trips to Hogsmeade together, nothing much."

"A few trips to Hogsmeade?" Bill asked. "They went out for half their seventh year."

"First real boyfriend, you know? You never forget your first. Charlie was a great guy, but well, I guess we just weren't meant to be. I'm sure he'll find the right girl, one who doesn't mind having fire breathed on her, but that just wasn't me. I mean, I've dated a few men, not much over the past year or so, no one seriously in the past couple of years, what with my training, there wasn't much time for romance."

"Who knows, Tonks, I'm sure you'll meet the right guy soon."

She stared at the eldest Weasley, her eyes narrowing. "You've met someone."

"Maybe."

"Who is she?"

"We're trying to keep it private, you know, with all that's going on right now."

"Are you in love?"

A slow grin spread across his handsome face. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

Tonks returned his grin. "That's good to hear, Bill, I mean, with all that's going on, love is important."

"You're just a romantic."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

Sirius walked back into the kitchen, looking rather annoyed. "I can't believe I can't go with you guys to get Harry."

"You know why you can't," Remus said.

"I could go as Padfoot."

"Sirius, no, you can't. Besides, he'll be here soon enough, you can see him then."

"Molly and Arthur are going to be staying here with the twins, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione too."

"Wow, sounds like you're going to have a full house," Tonks commented.

Sirius shrugged, trying hard to not look pleased. "Yeah, that'll be nice. But Molly's after me about getting this place cleaned up. If I could find Kreacher, I would make him do some work."

"Kreacher?" Tonks asked.

"My house-elf." Sirius scowled. "Or rather my mother's house-elf, he doesn't really like listening to me, he disappears so he doesn't have to."

"Where does he go?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"Maybe you should care," Remus said.

"Why?"

"You don't know where he's going or what he's doing."

Sirius shrugged. "He can't leave the house and he _has_ to listen to me, it's not like he can wander off."

"Well, I'm going to call it a night," Bill announced.

Sirius nodded to him. "It was good seeing you again."

"Yeah, I'll be around, let me know if you need anything." Bill shook his hand before turning to Remus. "Same goes for you."

"Thanks, Bill, I'm sure we'll be in touch," Remus replied with a smile.

"Tonks."

"Bill." Forgoing all formalities, Tonks hugged the tall redhead. "I guess I'll see you around."

"Yes you will," he said, returning the friendly embrace. "Take care."

"You too."

"You in a hurry to get home?" Sirius asked his cousin when it was just the three of them.

"Not really, I'm not due in at work until 9:00 and it's still early. Why? What did you have planned?"

He snorted. "Well, I'm stuck here. Want to break out the firewhiskey and reminisce about old times?"

She chuckled. "Sure."

"Hey, Sirius," Remus said casually. "Why don't you take it easy with the liquor?"

"Hey, Moony, why don't you mind your own business?" Sirius asked, mocking his friend's tone.

"One glass won't hurt," Tonks spoke up.

Sighing, Remus nodded. "Fine. You guys have a good night, I think I'm going to turn in."

"Don't be such an old man," Sirius grumbled, taking glasses out of the cupboard.

"I'm not, I promised Dumbledore I would go back underground, I'm heading out early tomorrow morning."

Sirius hesitated a moment before grabbing another glass. "Stay up with us awhile, Remus, we can't have you sneak off in the morning without a proper sendoff."

"Isn't it dangerous?" Tonks asked. "Going underground with the werewolves?"

He shrugged and sat back down at the table, taking the glass Sirius held out for him. "Not if you know what to do."

"What do you do?"

"Well, I, uh, I have found where a large number of werewolves have formed a community and I am trying to reason with them. The next full moon isn't for a couple of weeks, so they should all be of sound mind and body."

"What are they like, these werewolves?"

Remus took a sip of firewhiskey. "Most of them are just angry, they've been shunned by society, unable to keep jobs or families. The rest are just beaten and depressed. As far as they're concerned, the wizarding world is only getting what it deserves after the way they've been treated."

"Why don't you think that way?"

"Nymph always liked to ask too many questions," Sirius teased, taking a long drink from his full glass.

"Don't call me that," she snapped.

"I don't mind," Remus said. "How else is she supposed to learn if she doesn't ask questions?"

Sirius laughed. "You were only a professor for one year, Moony, you can start talking like a normal man again."

Ignoring him, Remus looked back at Tonks. "I've seen the good in people. Dumbledore allowed me in Hogwarts and offered me the professorship, I had James and Sirius while I was in school. I've seen the good in people and I choose to concentrate on that rather than the bad. I also, probably stupidly, still harbor the hope that we will some day be seen as equals and not monsters."

"Beautiful sentiment," Sirius mumbled, topping off his glass.

"Oh, Sirius, don't be such a jerk," Tonks sighed.

"He doesn't know how to be anything else," Remus quipped.

Letting out a loud bark of laughter, Sirius tipped his glass to his friend. "Good one, Moony."

"I learned from the best," Remus replied, tapping the edge of his glass against Sirius'.

"What are you telling them to try and get them to help?" Tonks asked, hoping to steer the conversation back to the original topic.

"I'm explaining to them how Dumbledore is going to help us win equal treatment after Voldemort is defeated."

"I guess they aren't buying it?"

"Why should they? We haven't exactly been treated well since Voldemort's last defeat."

Tonks shook her head slowly. "You don't seem at all like what I imagine a werewolf would be like."

"You can't always judge a book by its cover," Remus mumbled, sipping his drink.

"Moony is a great man," Sirius declared, his voice a little louder than necessary and a bit slurred.

"But it seems to me that you are a rarity in werewolves," she said. "Aren't most werewolves dangerous?"

Remus nodded sadly. "I just don't know if they're dangerous because they're angry or because they're actually bad. We've never really been given the chance to prove ourselves as productive members of society. We've just been shoved aside and made out to be monsters."

"That's so sad."

He shrugged and sipped his drink.

"Screw 'em!" Sirius shouted. "Its society's loss and our gain!"

"Thanks, mate." Remus smiled and gently pushed Sirius' glass out of his reach.

"What, uh, what do you do when you, uh…you know?" Tonks asked.

Remus furrowed his brow. "Excuse me?"

"You know, each month, at the full moon."

"Oh, when I transform. Hogwarts' potions professor, Severus Snape…"

"Wanker," Sirius interrupted.

"Brews the Wolfsbane potion for me each month," Remus continued, ignoring the interruption. "It allows me to keep my mind. I lock myself away and take the potion. Sirius has been able to join me, in his dog form, the past few months, which has been nice, not being alone."

"Does it hurt? The transformation?"

He noticed the slight glaze in her eyes as she continued to sip her firewhiskey. Tonks was leaning against the table, propping her chin up on her fist, watching him intently as her body jerked with a case of hiccups.

"Yes, it does."

"Have…_(hic)_…have you ever bit anyone _(hic)_?"

"No, I've never bit anyone. I think you're cut off for the night."

"Am I getting obnoxious? _(hic)_ I've been told that I can sometimes be _(hic)_ obnoxious when I drink. I don't mean _(hic)_ to be. I figure that if you didn't want to answer _(hic)_ my questions, you wouldn't. Really, Remus, if you _(hic)_ ever don't want to answer any of my questions, just say so, I promise to not _(hic)_ be offended."

"I'll keep that in mind and you are not being obnoxious, Tonks."

"That's one of the great things about Moony," Sirius said, reaching for his glass. "He has endless patience."

"I had to in order to put up with you and Prongs."

"What's that 'upposed to mean?"

"It means that the two of you were incorrigible."

"Yes. Yes we were."

Remus shook his head slowly, smiling into his glass. "Remember that time in our sixth year when the two of you talked me into helping you into the girl's dorm?"

"Talked you into helping us?" Sirius asked, laughing. "You asked to come along after James told you our plan. You _begged_!"

"I never begged," Moony scoffed, sipping his drink.

"What happened?" Tonks asked.

Remus turned to look at her. "You know how boys can't get into the girls' dorms without the stairs catching them?"

She nodded.

"That's all thanks to Padfoot and Prongs."

She looked from Remus to Sirius, who had laid his head on the table, laughing, and back at Remus. "What happened?"

Sirius lifted his head and tilted his refilled glass toward his friend, signaling him to tell the story.

With a smile playing at his lips, Remus turned to Tonks. "Long before she was Lily Potter, she was Lily Evans and the object of James' affection…"

"Obsession," Sirius interrupted.

"Yes, I guess you could say he was obsessed. From the first time he saw her, he was hooked."

"How romantic," Tonks sighed.

Remus shook his head. "Yeah, you could say that. James was no saint, but he held her as the yardstick by which he judged all other women and because of that, she was the first, and last, long term relationship he ever had. Any way, he was absolutely smitten with her and was doing everything he could to get her attention and James lived by the rule that even bad attention was good attention. So one night, he decided to try and be romantic. At the time, Sirius was kind of seeing one of Lily's roommates, uh, Jeanie?"

"Jeanette Rubins," Sirius sighed, tilting his chair back and looking at the ceiling. "Long blonde hair, big blue eyes, and ta-tas from here to Bristol."

"_Ta-tas_?" Tonks giggled.

Remus glared at his friend. "For Merlin's sake, Padfoot, grow up."

"There are some things a man never forgets."

"Anyway," Remus continued. "Jeanette had visions of double dating with James and Lily, she was all for the two of them getting together…"

"She was too stupid to realize Lily couldn't stand her." Sirius interrupted again.

"Do you want to tell this story?"

"You're doing a fine job, Moony, there are just a few side remarks I need to make."

"As I was saying, Jeanette helped out. The night before Lily's birthday, James wanted to sneak into her room and cover the floor around her bed with flowers…"

"Oh my," Tonks closed her eyes and laid a hand over her heart. "That has got to be the most romantic thing I've ever heard! And to think a sixteen year old boy came up with that idea. No wonder Lily fell in love with him."

"Just so you know, it was my idea and Lily didn't start dating him for another year," Remus told her. "And she didn't talk to him for almost a month after this."

"Why?"

"Stop interrupting and I'll tell you."

Tonks pulled her fingers across her lips, mimicking a zipper being closed.

"It was a romantic thought. Jeanette was supposed to put a silencing charm around Lily's bed so she wouldn't be disturbed and we were going to sneak in at one in the morning. Well, Jeanette, as most of Sirius' girlfriends at the time, was not exactly the brightest bulb in the box. She knew Sirius was coming along and she spent an hour doing up her hair and make up and totally forgot about the silencing charm. We sneaked in and Sirius went straight to Jeanette's bed, I won't bore you with the details of my mate's prowess with the women, I wouldn't want the delicious meal Molly cooked earlier to resurface."

Tonks giggled and Sirius glared at his friend.

"James and I sneaked over to Lily's bed while Padfoot entertained his female friend. It was supposed to be a simple spell. He had practiced it and even found a way to make the flowers spell out his name. All he had to do was raise his arm, concentrate, bring his arm down in a wide 'J' shape and say _Corymbus Floridus_. But first, he wanted to sneak a peek at Lily, let's be honest, he wanted to see what she slept in. However, because Jeanette hadn't performed the silencing charm, Lily had woken when we entered and heard us approach. Just as James pulled back the edge of the curtain, her hand shot out with her wand and she hit him square in the face with a full body bind, followed with a Bat-Bogey Curse. I tried to explain, but she hit me with a silencing charm so I couldn't speak. Sirius was finally able to untangle himself from Jeanette and came to help, but Lily hit him with a Jelly-Legs Jinx and sent him sprawling across the floor. Of course, by this time, the rest of the girls had wakened and someone went to get Professor McGonagall. We were given two months of detentions and the stairs were charmed to not allow boys in the girls' dorm."

"But why did she take so long to forgive him? I mean, if some guy sneaked into my room to do that, I would have forgiven him right away." Tonks said.

"Well, you have to understand that Lily didn't really like or trust James at the time. She wouldn't allow him to explain and with all the detentions we had, he didn't have much time to hunt her down and explain. I finally got her to listen to me, she and I had always been friends, and I told her what he had been trying to do. She was a little hesitant, but she softened toward him after that." Remus explained.

A smile played at her lips. "So, what was she wearing?"

"A t-shirt that said 'The Beatles' and a pair of shorts," Sirius responded. "I remember that, because James talked about, wanted to know what The Beatles were. We had to go into muggle London to find out who they were and then he bought a record player and some records."

"Hm," Tonks rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "The more I hear, the more I wonder if he was sweet or scary."

"James didn't know how to do anything halfway," Remus explained. "All he knew was that he was in love with Lily and he would do anything to get her."

"And it eventually worked," Sirius added. "I was best man at their wedding."

Remus smiled sadly. "You never saw anyone more in love than the two of them."

Sirius drained the last of his drink. "It was sickening, really."

Tonks glanced at her watch as she stifled a yawn. "This has been fun, but I really should be heading home."

"Are you okay?" Remus asked.

She smiled and nodded. "I'm fine, I can handle my liquor better than most."

Sirius refilled his glass and tipped it in her direction. "I'm going to hold you to that one of these days."

"You're on." She pushed herself up and retrieved her now dry robe from the fireplace. "But I have to be at work in the morning."

Sirius rose and held out his arms for a farewell hug. "It was really good seeing you again," he whispered, hugging her tightly. "Feel free to stop by anytime, I can always use the company."

Sympathy and sadness washed over her. "I will."

"Good." He stepped back, a teasing smile playing across his face. "After a while, Moony starts to suffocate me."

Remus snorted as he stood and offered Tonks his hand. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Tonks, I hope to see you again soon."

She took his hand and tried to ignore the pleasant tingle that traveled up her arm when his warm hand enveloped her smaller one. "It was nice meeting you too, Remus."

Sirius sat back down and watched his friend and his cousin. He wasn't blind or stupid. As soon as Tonks was gone he burst out in laughter.

"What?" Remus asked, taking his and Tonks' glasses to the sink.

"You were checking out her arse."

Shocked, he turned to his friend, heat rising to his face. "Really, Sirius, don't be so crass. I was not."

"Yes you were, Moony, you were checking out my little cousin."

"I was not."

"It's okay, I think she was checking you out too."

Remus turned back to the sink, his face burning and his heart thumping loudly. Had he been checking her out? Had _she_ been checking _him_ out?

He shook his head. It was too silly to even think like that. Remus Lupin was a man meant to live his life alone, he had come to terms with that and had become comfortable with his lifestyle.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi all,

Sorry for the delay. No I haven't forgotten or given up on this story, I've just been busy. But I promise to work harder at getting this out more quickly. Thanks for the great reviews! I really appreciate them!

Enjoy,

Failte

* * *

It was nearly a week before Tonks found enough time to visit Sirius again. And that was the only reason she quietly entered 12 Grimmuald Place on this warm, overcast evening. Seeing Remus Lupin again had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all. She was there for the sole purpose of seeing her cousin again. 

Although she was keeping very busy with work, Tonks found her mind wandering back to Remus. She didn't quite know why, they had only spent one evening together. There was no reason for her to keep thinking about him. She barely knew him.

Unlike the last time she had been here, there were obvious signs of life. Above her, she could hear boards creaking as people walked around and the muted sounds of people speaking came through the walls. She jumped at the sudden burst of laughter that traveled down the stairs. Tonks was confused at first until she remembered the Weasleys were going to be staying in the house and she realized the children must have gathered in a bedroom.

The door creaked open behind her and Tonks turned to see Dumbledore slipping in past Mrs. Black's portrait. He smiled pleasantly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Good evening, Tonks, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Albus, thank you, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing fine. I'm glad you're here, I just received some news I would like to discuss with you and Remus."

Heat rose quickly to her face as Tonks stared at the floor. "Uh, what, uh, what do you mean?"

"Harry was involved in an incident yesterday, we're going to have to send the Advance Guard to get him sooner that I had originally thought. I wanted to speak with Remus and Alastor about when they would like to head to Surrey."

"Is Harry all right?"

"Oh, yes, he's fine and we'll get him here as soon as possible to deal with what is coming."

"What's coming?"

"Come along." Dumbledore started down the hall toward the kitchen. "I don't wish to repeat myself too often. I'll fill in Remus, Sirius, and Molly and Arthur at the same time."

Tonks followed the Headmaster into the kitchen where the others had already gathered.

"Oh, Albus, Tonks, you're here." Molly jumped to her feet when they walked in. "Would you like some tea? Can I get you something to eat?"

"Tea would be lovely, Molly, thank you," Dumbledore said as he lowered himself into the chair at the head of the table.

"Yes, thank you," Tonks murmured, feeling a little shy as she sank into a chair beside Arthur.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"I think what he means is what brings you here tonight." Remus said wryly.

"Alastor should be here momentarily and then I will explain everything," Albus told them.

Sirius set his goblet on the table and leaned forward. "Is it Harry?"

"It concerns him, yes, thank you, Molly, but don't worry, he's fine. I have already contacted him and if all goes well, he should be here by the end of the week."

"What happened?" Sirius demanded loudly.

Remus cleared his throat. "I'm sure Albus would have told us if it was necessary. Calm down, Sirius, we'll hear soon enough."

Sirius snatched his goblet and sat back in his chair, grumbling under his breath.

"Damnation!"

Moody's loud exclamation was followed by Mrs. Black's yells and curses. With a heavy sigh, Sirius pushed himself up and went to help Moody with the portrait.

"Didja try a silencing charm?" Moody asked gruffly as they entered the kitchen moments later.

"A silencing charm!" Sirius smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand as he spoke sarcastically. "Why didn't _I_ think of that?"

"Keep your sarcasm to yourself," Moody grumbled as he limped to an empty chair beside Lupin.

"Tea, Alastor?" Molly asked as she began to rise from her seat.

He shook his head and pulled out his flask. "No, thank ye, Molly, I'm set. So, now Albus, what is all this hubbub about?"

"It seems that there was an incident yesterday near Harry's aunt and uncle's house. Harry and his cousin were walking home when they were approached by a group of dementors, Harry was able to defend them and save his cousin. Luckily, Arabella Figg was there and she reported to me right away what happened, there was a problem where Harry was notified that he was expelled from Hogwarts."

Molly gasped and Sirius sat straight up in his chair, looking ready to pounce.

Dumbledore held up a hand to stop Sirius from interrupting. "Do not worry, I took care of it, he is not expelled, however, there will be a disciplinary hearing at the Ministry of Magic. Do not worry, he performed magic out of life and death necessity, so I fully believe he will be found innocent. I do, however, believe it is in Harry's best interest to get him here sooner rather than later. I asked Alastor to finish up his plan for the Advance Guard and I want them to all go to Privet Drive in a couple of days."

"Why wait?" Sirius asked. "The sooner he's here, the safer he'll be."

"I understand your concern, really I do," Dumbledore assured him. "But we must be cautious. We don't know yet why the dementors were there. So we're going to tread carefully with Harry's best interest. So, Alastor, I'm turning this over to you now."

Moody reached into his robes and began pulling a few odds and ends out of his pockets.

Tonks gently stirred her tea and allowed her gaze to wander. Sirius twirled the stem of his goblet, an angry scowl crossing his once handsome face. She shifted her eyes to the man beside her cousin. Lupin was openly watching her with interest. When their eyes met, he smiled softly before turning his attention to Moody.

"Here it is," Moody grumbled, unrolling a piece of parchment. "The Advance Guard, which consists of myself, Tonks, Lupin, Dedalus Diggle, Hestia Jones, Sturgis Podmore, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and Emmeline Vance, will arrive at number 4, Privet Drive on the evening of the sixth of August. I have the route planned out and the eight of us will meet here tomorrow night to discuss it. What we need to figure out is how we're going to get those blasted muggles out of the house so we can get him out with the least amount of trouble."

"These muggles, what are they like?" Tonks asked.

Sirius spoke up. "A bunch of ignorant, thoughtless, hard-headed, mean-spirited, self-centered…"

"They're a bit uncomfortable with the wizarding world," Dumbledore interrupted. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, my father was muggle born, I thought that if I knew what they were like, I might be able to come up with something to get them out of the house," she explained.

"Give it some thought," Moody said. "See if you can come up with something and tell us tomorrow night."

Sirius leaned toward her. "I'll tell you all about them later."

She nodded.

"So, tomorrow night, I want you, Tonks, and you, Lupin, here at seven o'clock sharp. I've already sent out Patronus' to the others, so they should be here as well. If all goes well, Harry will be here in three nights time." Moody said.

Sirius smiled for the first time that evening.

"I am so happy Harry's coming," Molly said. "I can't wait to see him again."

"You have no idea why dementors were in his neighborhood?" Lupin asked.

Dumbledore shook his head. "We can't find a definite answer, we can only assume, right now, that Voldemort has something to do with it. But I do have people investigating it."

* * *

Dumbledore and Moody didn't stay much longer. There weren't many details to discuss and they both had work to do. 

"I'll make up the other bed in Ron's room," Molly said, happy to have another chore to keep her busy. "I knew Harry was coming, I just didn't think it would be this soon. Oh, just wait until Ron and Hermione hear, they'll be so excited to see him again."

"And Ginny," Lupin added slyly.

"Oh, I don't know, I think she's over her little crush."

"Ginny has a crush on Harry?" Tonks asked.

"She did when she was younger, but they've become friends and I think she's over her little crush." Molly explained.

"Harry has the same suave sophistication James had," Sirius said, his tongue planted firmly in his cheek.

Lupin snorted.

"Don't worry, Nymph…"

"Don't call me that," Tonks interrupted her cousin.

Sirius ignored her. "I will teach him all my moves, he will be the most popular guy in Hogwarts this year."

"I think Harry might still be a bit young for your teachings," Lupin advised.

"Oh, come on, Moony, who taught you all your moves?"

"James?"

"No! It was me! I taught both of you the ways of women."

"No one is teaching Harry anything about the ways of women," Molly warned.

Remus leaned his arms on the table and smiled at his old friend. "Everything I know about women I learned by doing the opposite of everything you did."

"Which is why you're woman-less now," Sirius shot back.

"Nope, pretty sure it has to do with the whole werewolf thing."

"Nah. You're a good guy, Moony, some where out there is a woman who will look past your monthly problem."

"Geez, every woman has a monthly problem," Tonks muttered.

Sirius, Remus, and Arthur all laughed as Molly clucked her tongue disapprovingly.

"See," Sirius grinned at his friend. "There are some good, understanding women out there."

"I would like to remind you all that there are children in the house," Molly said. "Please be careful with your language."

"We haven't said anything offensive," Sirius grumbled.

"Why don't we get out of Molly's hair," Remus suggested, getting to his feet.

"Yes, please do," she agreed. "I can get everything cleaned up more quickly without you all under foot."

"Are you sure I can't help?" Tonks asked, getting to her feet and knocking over the mug in front of her.

Sighing, Molly waved her wand and cleaned up the spilled tea. "I am quite sure, Tonks."

Sirius took his cousin's arm and pulled her from the room. "Come on, she'd rather we weren't here."

"I appreciate the thought, dear," Molly told her. "But I can work more quickly alone. Why don't you go figure out how you're going to handle those muggles."

"That sounds like a good idea," Sirius said as he steered Tonks out of the room with one hand and snagged a bottle of firewhiskey with the other. "Let's go chat and catch up."

Without missing a beat, Remus grabbed the bottle from his friend's hand and replaced it with hot mug of tea.

Grumbling under his breath, Sirius led them into the dusty old parlor.

"So, what are these muggles like, the ones Harry lives with?" Tonks asked, sitting on the edge of the sofa.

"I haven't met them, but I know Harry doesn't particularly like them," Remus replied, settling into an old wing chair.

Sirius snorted and set his tea on the table. "They're a bunch of brutes. Do you know they made him live in a closet under the stairs for the first eleven years of his life? They didn't want him and they let him know on a regular basis."

"They are not comfortable with the wizarding world," Remus explained. "His aunt is nothing at all like Lily, as a matter of fact, Lily and her sister never spoke during her time at Hogwarts. Petunia never approved of her sister being a witch and she hated James. She thought we were all odd. She and her husband like things to be _normal_."

"And they have this horrible pig of a son," Sirius added.

"They don't sound like very nice people," Tonks commented.

Remus shrugged. "They're just not comfortable with us, they're trying to control something they have no control over."

"It used to really upset me when I was younger, that I couldn't tell any of the muggles I knew about my family."

"Did you know a lot of muggles?" Remus asked.

Tonks nodded. "My dad was muggle born, so I had a bunch of cousins on his side and some friends I met through them. I had to be real careful and not let on what I was when I was out with them all. I remember, my cousins Anna and David, they had a neighbor who was this mean old lady, Mrs. MacNeely. She didn't like hearing kids playing and was always yelling at us if we got too near her yard. She was so afraid we would trample her flowers or mess up her grass. There was this one time, when I was like nine or ten, a bunch of us were in the yard playing football when someone kicked the ball into her flowerbed. Of course she saw it and she came running out waving a broom at us and saying we were all in big trouble. I was so scared, I accidentally made her broom fly out of her hand and beat her about the head."

Remus and Sirius burst out laughing.

"Yeah, right, _accidentally_," Sirius laughed.

"It wasn't funny," she continued. "I had to help her replant her flowers while my father and mother tried to convince her the wind had caused her broom to fly out of her hand."

"Did it work?" Remus asked.

"What else could she believe? I must have done something right with her flowers, though, because she won some beautiful lawn competition."

Sirius sat upright and clapped his hands together. "That sounds like something the Dursleys would be in to."

"Really? We could send them a letter or something and tell them they won something like that, get them to go to a ceremony or something." Tonks said excitedly. "I remember Mrs. MacNeely had a big trophy she kept on display in her front window."

"That's a good idea," Remus mused. "That does sound like something they would be a part of."

"I'll swing by my parent's house and get some muggle looking stationery," she said. "It's too late to put it in the post, but I can make it look like it and stick in their mail slot."

"Sounds like a plan," Sirius said. "I bet they completely fall for it."

"Anything for them to brag about," Remus added.

"I'll write it up tonight and you and Moody can look at, see what you think," Tonks told Lupin.

He nodded. "I'm sure Harry will be glad to get out of there."

"I want to know what dementors were doing out there," Sirius said. "There is no reason why they should be there."

"Dumbledore is doing all he can to find that out, you know it."

"I know, but, damn it, I hate being holed up in this house! I feel so helpless."

"Sirius, you're a big help. You're letting the Order use your house, who knows what we would do without this place. And you've given me a place to stay. You need patience."

"Easy for you to say, Moony."

Remus shook his head. "No, it's not. I know how you feel, I understand loneliness better than most. Speaking as your best mate, don't do anything stupid. We're working on clearing your name and you'll be able to get out freely soon. And besides, Harry will be here before you know it."

"I know."

"And it's not like this place is empty anymore."

As if to illustrate his point, there was a loud crash upstairs, followed by Mrs. Black's portrait yelling, and Molly hurrying down the hall to yell at the twins.

A small smile played at his lips as Sirius pushed himself to his feet. "Too true, Moony, too true." He left the room to help Molly pull the curtains on the portrait.

Tonks leaned toward Remus and lowered her voice. "Is he okay?"

He shrugged. "Sirius is as well as he can be. I mean, think about it. He has spent twelve years in Azkaban, lost his best friend, was shunned by all his other friends, is now free, but can't prove his innocence, and now he's stuck in this place all day every day. This house was never a place of happiness for him and being stuck here only reminds him of what life was like before he moved in with James and his family."

Her shoulders slumped and as a wave of pity washed over her. "Poor Sirius."

"Don't pity him, he doesn't want it."

She looked up at him, noticing how tired he looked. "You're a good friend."

"I was lucky to have him and James."

Tonks patted his knee in a friendly gesture. "And he's lucky to have you."

She couldn't help but notice that he tensed at her touch.

There was no way she could have known the effect she had on him. It was rare when a person touched him, even people who claimed to be his friends were still hesitant to get too close. Long after she removed her hand, his skin still tingled where she had touched him.

Sirius returned to the parlor, a wide smile on his face. He didn't seem to notice the way his cousin and friend were leaning toward each other or that they didn't move apart when he entered.

"The twins set off three dung bombs, simultaneously, in the one empty room upstairs," he announced, falling into a chair. "I love those kids."

Remus slowly sat back, noticing that he could still smell the subtle scent of vanilla Tonks wore. "Because they remind you so much of yourself and James."

"Oh come on, James and I had more finesse than dung bombs."

Remus raised an eyebrow in response.

"Well, we did by the time we reached our fourth year."

"What about the last day of school?"

"Those were not dung bombs, they were scented fireworks."

Tonks laughed. "Scented fireworks?"

"Ask him what scent they were," Remus whispered to her.

"I don't think I want to know," she whispered back.

"We couldn't leave Hogwarts without doing some kind of farewell," Sirius pointed out.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Of course you couldn't."

"Well, this has been nice," Tonks said, rising to her feet. "But I have to get going."

"What? But it's still early!" Sirius protested.

"I know, but I want to stop by my parents house and pick up the stationery and I have to get up early and get into the Ministry if I'm going to make sure I can be here for the meeting tomorrow night."

"All right," Sirius sighed as he rose to his feet. "Don't be a stranger, Nymph, the door is always open to you."

She smiled and hugged him impulsively. "Thanks, Sirius, but if you keep calling me that, I'm going to stop coming over."

"Brat," he murmured fondly as he ruffled her pink spikes.

Remus had also risen. "Take care, Tonks."

"You too." She took a step forward and extended her hand to take the one he offered. Her shin came in contact with the coffee table and she stumbled forward a bit, cursing under her breath.

Remus caught her by the arms and stopped her from falling onto the table. "Are you okay?"

She straightened up, and rubbed her leg with her hand. He kept a tight grip on her other arm to steady her.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "It's gonna bruise, but it won't be my first."

Sirius laughed. "Now, how did you stumble your way through Auror training?"

She stuck her tongue out at him in response.

"I'll walk you to the door," Remus offered, releasing his grip on her arm.

Her first instinct was to tell him that wasn't necessary, but instead she replied, "Sure, thanks."

Neither noticed the smirk on Sirius' face as they left the room.

"If, uh, if there's anything I can do for you guys, if you need me to bring something to the house, just ask," she said, uncomfortable in their solitude.

"Thank you, I appreciate the offer." His voice was low.

"H-how long are you staying here?"

"I'm going back underground after the next full moon."

"You'll be careful, right?"

"I'm doing what I can to help the Order."

That wasn't the answer she wanted and she couldn't figure out why she needed to hear him reassure her. _I hardly know this man_, she thought. _Why am I so worried about him? Why do I care so much? Because I'm worried about Sirius. If anything happened to Remus, who would Sirius have? I'm only looking out for him._

"Tonks?"

She looked up at him again, surprised to see he was still standing there, watching her. She flushed and smiled softly. "I, uh, I guess I'll be on my way then. Just, uh, just let me know if you guys need anything. Um, yeah, uh, good night." She fumbled with the doorknob.

Wordlessly, Remus reached around her, leaning close enough to feel the heat coming from her body. He turned the lock above the knob and opened the door.

"Why was it locked?" She muttered, embarrassed. "With all the wards and charms, there is no bloody reason for it to be locked."

"Good night, Tonks."

"Good night, Remus."


	4. Chapter 4

Hi all!

There are a few lines in this chapter that I had to borrow from J.K. Rowling, it was necessary to keep the story canon. You'll know them when you see read them. I don't plan on doing that often, but it was necessary to keep the story canon. So, please don't sue, I had to do it! In case you didn't know, I own nothing, it all belongs to Ms. Rowling. And besides, I am so far in debt, it would do you no good to sue :)

Thanks for the reviews!

Enjoy,

Failte

* * *

"Moony, there you are! What are you doing hiding away up here?" 

Remus looked up from where he was lounging on his bed, reading a book, to see Sirius leaning against the doorframe. "I'm not hiding, I'm reading."

"I thought you'd have outgrown that by now." Sirius entered the room and flopped down on the desk chair.

"You don't outgrow a fondness for books."

"Whatever. Are you ready for tomorrow night?"

"I believe so. Moody made us all memorize his flight plan to get Harry here, I think he's made it a bit more complicated than it needs to be, but I know it's because he has Harry's best interest at heart."

"Yeah, well, I was thinking…"

"No, Sirius."

"This really sucks."

Remus set his book aside and sat up. "I know, but Harry will be here tomorrow and Molly really wants you to crack down on getting this place cleaned up, that'll keep you occupied for a while."

He scowled. "Yeah, I guess, but Harry's only going to be here a few weeks before he has to go back to Hogwarts and then the house will be empty again."

"I'll be around and the Order and Tonks."

A slow smile spread across Sirius's face. "Speaking of Tonks."

"What about her?" Remus asked, hoping he sounded nonchalant.

"Oh, I think she has a little crush on you."

"I think you're nuts."

"I know I'm nuts. And she has a little crush on you and I think you have a crush right back on her."

Remus shook his head and picked his book up, trying to find where he had left off. "You're imagination is out of control."

"Seriously, Moony, when was the last time you were with a woman?"

"When was the last time _you_ were with a woman?"

Sirius shuddered. "I don't want to think about that, it's really quite sad. I think you should go for it."

"Don't be stupid."

"Why are you fighting it?"

"There's nothing to fight."

"Come on, Remus, you're a smart man."

"Knock it off, Sirius."

"You need a good woman."

"But no good woman will have me."

"Nymph would."

"All right, Sirius, that's enough!"

Sirius sat upright, surprised by the sharp tone his friend had suddenly taken. "Seems as though I've struck a chord with you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're my mate, Remus, and I want you to be happy. You'd have to be blind, deaf, and stupid to not see there is something between the two of you."

"I am at least ten years older than her…"

"Thirteen."

"Thirteen years older than her and I have nothing going for me. Why in the world would I want to start a relationship with her?"

"I'm not saying you have to get married, just get to know her better."

"I'm not a fling kind of guy."

"I know you aren't. You're a great guy and you deserve to be happy."

"I am happy."

"You're lonely."

"I've spent most of my life lonely," Remus admitted quietly. "I deal with it. I can find happiness in places other than a woman's bed."

Shaking his head, Sirius stood and pushed the chair under the desk. "Then you don't really know what happiness is, Moony. With the right woman, it goes beyond happiness right into paradise."

* * *

"Where the bloody hell is Tonks?" Moody grumbled as he paced the parlor.

"She still has four minutes," Sirius said, glancing at the clock.

"I don't like it when we cut it so close, we could be on our way by now."

Remus glanced at his pocket watch for the fifth time in the last three minutes. A million scenarios raced through his mind. _Was she injured? Was she lost? Did something happen to her? She was still so young and with all that was going on, the aurors were working long, hard hours. Maybe we should send an owl to the Ministry and see…_

His thoughts were interrupted when the front door creaked open and everyone turned to the doorway to the hall. Tonks appeared a few moments later, her hair a brilliant shade of purple and styled in short spikes. Her dark eyes glittered as she rested her broomstick against her shoulder.

"It's about time," Moody snapped.

"What? I'm on time." She pointed out.

"Barely. Come on, let's get moving."

"Good luck," Molly called after them nervously.

"Yeah, hurry back," Sirius added.

"Everyone have their broomsticks?"

The gathered group all nodded and replied in affirmation.

"Let's go." Moody led them out to the front of the house.

The sun had set and dusk had passed. The moon and stars were hidden behind a layer of clouds, giving them a good cover of darkness.

"All right," Moody turned to the gathered crew. "We're apparating to the alley near Potter's house, as soon as we see his aunt and uncle leave, we'll go in and get him. Lupin, you'll enter the house first since he knows you. The rest of you, stay close, be quiet, and keep vigilant."

A series of quiet _popping_ sounds were heard as the eight members of the Advance Guard disappeared and then reappeared in a dark alley. Remus and Moody appeared first followed in quick succession by Dedalus, Elphias, Hestia, Kingsley, Sturgis, Emmeline, and Tonks.

"There they are," Moody hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

Tonks leaned closer and followed Moody's finger to the house just down the street. The door opened and the voices of the Dursleys carried down the street on the warm night breeze.

"Come along, Duddikins, isn't this exciting?"

"Stop it, Mum!"

"Leave the boy's hair alone, Petunia, he looks fine."

"This is so exciting, Vernon, just think of what the neighbors will say when they hear what we've won."

"Ha! Can you imagine what Frank will say when he hears?"

Their voices were cut off as the closed the car doors and drove off.

"Okay, this is us," Moody muttered, limping toward the house.

Tonks took a step forward, tripped over Hestia's broom, stumbled forward and bumped into Sturgis. "Sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed.

"Watch where you're going, we don't want the entire neighborhood to know we're here," Moody snapped at her.

In a gentlemanly gesture, Remus took her elbow and steadied her while she got her feet back under her. "All right?"

She nodded, glad that it was dark enough that he couldn't see how red her face was.

They quietly approached 4 Privet Drive and crept around to the back of the house. Kingsley touched his wand tip to the lock and murmured the unlocking spell. He pulled the door open and stepped aside to let the others in. They all crowded into the kitchen.

_CRASH!_

"Oh, bloody hell," Tonks whispered exasperatedly when she knocked a plate off the counter.

"Damn it Tonks, can't we take you anywhere?" Moody hissed angrily.

Hestia giggled nervously while Dedalus twittered anxiously.

"There's no need for that, Alastor," Lupin said lightly, pointed his wand at the plate shards that lay in a pool of light cast by a streetlamp. "_Reparo_." The pieces flew up onto the counter and reattached themselves together into the shape of a flowered plate.

"Well, Potter definitely knows we're here," Kingsley murmured.

"We don't want to scare him," Lupin said as he led the others through the kitchen and into the hall.

"Where do you think he is?" Emmeline asked.

"Where is his bedroom?" Elphias whispered.

"Maybe Remus should go get him, since Harry knows him and all," Tonks suggested, feeling excited and a bit nervous.

Moody limped to the bottom of the stairs and leaned against the banister. "That might be a good idea." His eye swirled upward at the sign of movement and he growled, "Lower your wand, boy, before you take someone's eye out."

Seven pairs of eyes followed Moody's gaze up the stairs to see the Harry's dim outline where he stood, holding his wand out in front of him. He spoke nervously. "P-Professor Moody?"

Moody shook his grizzled head. "I don't know so much about 'Professor', never got around to much teaching, did I? Get down here, we want to see you properly."

When he hesitated, Lupin took a step closer and said gently, "It's all right, Harry. We've come to take you away."

The stairs creaked as Harry shifted his weight. "P-Professor Lupin? Is that you?"

Tonks was not known for her patience and she found it silly to be standing in the dark trying to convince scared kid that they were safe. "Why are we all standing in the dark? Lumos."

Light filled the hallway and everyone crowded the foot of the steps to get a better look at the famous Harry Potter. Remus smiled reassuringly and Harry slowly lowered his wand.

"Oooh, he looks just like I thought he would," Tonks said excitedly. "Wotcher, Harry!"

"Yeah, I see what you mean, Remus, he looks exactly like James," Kingsley said.

"Except the eyes," Elphias wheezed. "Lily's eyes."

Moody leaned forward and squinted up the stairs. "Are you quite sure it's him Lupin? It'd be a nice lookout if we bring back some Death Eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him something only the real Potter would know. Unless anyone brought any Veritaserum?"

"Harry, what form does your Patronus take?" Lupin asked.

"A stag," Harry replied, nervously.

Lupin nodded. "That's him, Mad-Eye."

Harry moved slowly, nervously, down the steps, sliding his wand into the back pocket of his jeans.

"Don't put your wand there, boy!" Moody roared. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

Tonks was intrigued. "Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?"

"Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!" He snapped, limping toward the kitchen. "Elementary wand safety, nobody bothers about it any more…"

Tonks rolled her eyes, already regretting the question.

"I saw that," he grumbled.

Tonks turned her attention to Remus who was shaking hands with Harry. The boy was obviously thrilled to see his former professor and she heard him murmuring to Lupin.

"I'm-you're really lucky the Dursley's are out…"

"Lucky, ha!" She interrupted, explaining to him how she had sent them a letter about the All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn Competition.

A slow smile crossed his young face. "We are leaving, aren't we? Soon?"

"Almost at once," Lupin assured him. "We're just waiting for the all-clear." He went on to tell Harry that there was a special, safe place he was going to be taken to before he turned and introduced the rest of the Advance Guard. "This is Alastor Moody, Harry."

Harry looked rather uncomfortable. "Yeah, I know."

"And this is Nymphadora…"

"_Don't_ call me Nymphadora, Remus," she interrupted with a shudder. "It's Tonks."

"-Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only," Lupin finished, fighting back the urge to smile.

"So would you if your fool of a mother had called you 'Nymphadora'," muttered Tonks.

Lupin pointed out the others in the room and introduced them to Harry. He appeared bewildered at the number of people gathered in his aunt's spotless kitchen.

"A surprising number of people volunteered to come and get you," said Lupin, as though he had read Harry's mind; the corners of his mouth twitched slightly.

Tonks continued to look around the kitchen, impressed by the cleanliness. "Very _clean_, aren't they, these Muggles? My dad's Muggle-born and he's a right slob. I suppose it varies, just like with wizards?"

"Er-yeah" Harry replied before turning back to Lupin.

While Remus and Moody spoke with Harry, Tonks continued to poke around. The counters were so shiny she could practically see her face reflected in it. Her eyes shifted to the refrigerator where there were pictures of a fat, unhappy looking boy with flat blonde hair attached all over it with funny shaped pieces of plastic. Her ears picked up the sound of Remus' voice telling Harry he should go pack. She was curious to get to know Harry Potter better.

"I'll come and help you," said Tonks brightly. She tried to take everything in as she followed him back into the hall. The floors gleamed and the windows sparkled. "Funny place, it's a bit _too_ clean, d'you know what I mean? Bit unnatural." She followed him into his room and smiled. "Oh, this is better."

Harry moved about the cluttered room, grabbing his books and tossing them in his trunk. Tonks went to help, but stopped when she caught her reflection in the mirror of his wardrobe.

"You know, I don't think purple's really my color. Do you think it makes me look a bit peaky?"

He looked up at her as he picked up another book. "Er-"

"Yeah, it does," said Tonks decisively. She screwed up her eyes in a strained expression and a moment later her hair turned a bubble-gum pink. Opening her eyes, she studied the results in the mirror, pleased.

"How did you do that?"

She turned, trying to see her hair from other angles. "I'm a Metamorphmagus. It means I can change my appearance at will. I was born one. I got top marks in Concealment and Disguise during Auror training without any study at all, it was great."

"You're an Auror?" He asked, clearly impressed.

She stood up a bit straighter, proud that he was impressed. "Yeah. Kingsley is as well; he's a bit higher up than I am, though. I only qualified a year ago. Nearly failed on Stealth and Tracking, I'm dead clumsy, did you hear me break that plate when we arrived downstairs?"

"Can you learn how to be a Metamorphmagus?"

She chuckled. "Bet you wouldn't mind hiding that scar sometimes, eh?"

"No, I wouldn't mind," he mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with her staring at his forehead.

"Well, you'll have to learn the hard way, I'm afraid. Metamorphmagi are really rare, they're born, not made. Most wizards need to use a wand or potions to change their appearance…But we've got to get going, Harry, we're supposed to be packing." She looked around, feeling guilty. She had told Remus and the others she would help him pack and here she was talking.

"Oh-yeah," said Harry, grabbing up a few more books.

"Don't be stupid, it'll be much quicker if I-_pack_!" cried Tonks, waving her wand in a long, sweeping movement over the floor.

A few moments later, Harry's trunk was packed and Hedwig's cage was cleaned. Tonks found she was having a good time, Harry seemed like a good kid and she found him easy to talk to, but then she found most people easy to talk to. Except Remus. It seemed that every time she tried to talk to him, the words just wouldn't come out right. But now was not the time to think about that. She had to keep her mind on the task at hand and help keep Harry safe.

"Excellent," Lupin said when they entered the kitchen. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry-"

"They won't," said Harry.

"That you're safe-"

"That'll just depress them."

"-and you'll see them next summer."

"Do I have to?"

Lupin smiled, but made no answer.

Tonks studied Remus as Moody placed a Disillisionment Charm on Harry. He showed an obvious fondness for his friend's son, she could tell he was both amused by Harry and worried about him. The more she got to know him, the more Tonks saw how Remus tended to show his feelings openly when he genuinely cared for someone. Her attention shifted when she noticed Harry seemed to disappear.

"Nice one Mad-Eye," said Tonks appreciatively, staring at Harry's midriff.

They all moved out to the garden while Moody explained the formation that would be used to get him safely away. When Tonks heard Moody mention the possibility of death, she looked up from where she was attaching Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage to her broom.

"Stop being so cheerful, Mad-Eye, he'll think we're not taking this seriously."

"I'm just telling the boy the plan," growled Moody. "Our job's to deliver him safely to the headquarters and if we die in the attempt-"

"No one's going to die," said Kingsley Shacklebolt in his deep, calming voice.

"Mount your brooms, that's the first signal!" said Lupin sharply, pointing into the sky.

Tonks swung her leg over her old Comet Two Sixty broom and looked up toward the sky where red sparks flared among the stars.

"Second signal, let's go!" said Lupin loudly, as more sparks, green this time, exploded high above them.

Tonks gripped her broomstick and kicked off from the ground. She was stationed in front of Harry and did her best to follow Moody's directions. She heard Harry laugh quietly, but didn't have the time to ask him what was so funny. The wind was bitter cold this high up and after a while, Tonks was sure her hands were frozen to the wood of her broom. They swooped and swerved, trying to avoid detection. When she heard Moody mention cloud cover, she knew she had to speak up.

"We're not going through clouds!" shouted Tonks angrily. "We'll get soaked, Mad-Eye!"

Moody continued to shout out directions as Tonks scanned the sky in front of her. She was acutely aware of the movement around her as Kingsley, Emmeline, Hestia, Sturgis, and Elphias continued circling Harry.

"ARE YOU MAD, MAD-EYE?" Tonks screamed when she heard him suggest they double back a bit. "We're all frozen to our brooms! If we keep going off course we're not going to get there until next week! We're nearly there now!"

"Time to start the descent!" came Lupin's voice. "Follow Tonks, Harry!"

Tonks pushed down on her broomstick and began to dive. The cold wind washed over her, causing her hands and nose to burn and her eyes to water. "Here we go!" She called as she touched down. She began unbuckling Harry's trunk as the other's landed. Moody took Harry by the arm and thrust a piece of paper into the boy's hand. Tonks picked up Hedwig's cage with one hand and the end of Harry's trunk with her other hand. She was about to cast a charm on the trunk so it would float along with her when someone picked up the other end.

Tonks looked up and saw Remus holding the other end. She smiled shyly. He returned her smile and nodded toward the others.

It felt good to be on solid ground and Tonks felt her body start to warm again as they entered 12 Grimmuald Place. Molly hurried down the hall to greet them, pulling Harry into a tight hug and gushing over him. She sent him upstairs to see Ron and Hermione, promising him a good meal as soon as the meeting was over.

Tonks felt sorry for Harry, he looked confused and a bit annoyed at being shuffled off, but he followed Mrs. Weasley.

"Come on Tonks," Remus whispered. "Let's get this meeting started."

"I hope there's hot tea," she whispered back. "I swear Moody's not human."

Remus couldn't hide the smile that spread across his face.

The tension in the kitchen was so thick, Tonks felt as though she walked into a wall. Sirius was leaning back in a chair by the table, his face angry and pale as he glared at the man standing beside the fire. Severus Snape pretended to ignore him.

Remus took the chair beside Sirius and tried to ignore the unpleasantness. "You'll be happy to know Harry is here safe and sound."

Sirius turned to his friend, his face transforming to a look of happy excitement. "Really? He seemed all right?"

Remus nodded.

"Of course he did," Snape sniffed. "The arrogance he inherited from his father wouldn't allow him to show any weakness."

Remus laid a hand on Sirius' arm to prevent him from standing. "Let's not start this now, Severus."

"Quite right," Dumbledore added, sitting at the head of the table. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I am rather hungry, so I say we get this meeting started so we can enjoy the wonderful meal Molly has prepared."

* * *

Tonks sat back at the table, feeling wiped out and emotional exhausted. It had been a long day topped off with a rather uneventful Order meeting, followed by a fight between Sirius and Molly arguing over what was best for Harry, and finally a discussion where they explained all that they could to Harry. There was a new tension in the air as Molly felt they had ganged up against her. She returned to the kitchen after seeing the children to bed and began straightening up, making a point to ignore the others.

They all offered to help, but Molly waved them off without a word.

Sirius gathered up some scraps and chicken bones before disappearing up the stairs.

"Where'd he go?" Tonks whispered to Lupin.

"He went to feed Buckbeak."

"Who?"

"A hippogriff. He used to belong to Hagrid, but was going to be put down by a Ministry official after he was provoked by a student, Harry and Hermione rescued him and Sirius used him to escape. Now he's upstairs in the bedroom that used to belong to Sirius' mother." He explained.

"There's a hippogriff in the house?" She asked, intrigued.

Bill grinned. "Yeah, but be careful, he doesn't take too kindly to strangers."

"A hippogriff, a werewolf, an angry little house elf, and the infamous Harry Potter," Tonks said. "What an exciting house to be in."

"It's exciting until you have to clean it," Molly muttered.

"We're all helping with the cleaning," Remus said.

"I can stop in and help out if you like," Tonks offered.

Molly shook her head and sat down at the table. "Oh, that's all right dear, you have enough to worry about."

Bill leaned across the table and lowered his voice. "What she means is that you'll cause more mess then you'll be able to clean up."

"Bill," Molly sighed. "That is not what I meant."

Tonks chuckled. "That's all right, Molly. It isn't the first time I was asked to stop helping."

"You'll be helping in other ways, important ways," Remus assured her.

Bill yawned loudly and pushed his chair back from the table. "If you'll excuse me, I'm really tired and I have to get an early start in the morning."

"Of course, dear." Molly stood and hurried over to the sideboard. "Let me pack some things up for you to take with you."

"No, Mum, really, that's not necessary."

"Of course it is, I worry about you Bill. I know you're not eating properly."

Bill caught Tonks' eye and rolled his. She covered her mouth to hide the giggle that escaped.

Remus stood and shook hands with Bill, wishing him well. Molly handed him a satchel of sandwiches and biscuits as she and Arthur walked him to the door.

"I guess I should head home too," Tonks said, carrying her empty tea mug to the sink.

"Do you mind if I ask where you live?" Remus asked.

"Oh, I have a little flat in London, nothing much to speak of, but I like it," she replied lightly.

"Is it in a primarily muggle or wizard area?"

"I'm about two blocks from the Leaky Cauldron in a cheap little place. Why?"

"I hope you don't think I'm being rude," he said apologetically as he rose from his seat. "But with all that's going on, if one of Voldemort's spies were to find out you were a member of the Order, you'd be a sitting duck out there alone."

"I appreciate your concern," she said shyly. "But I have several wards and charms around my place and with all the work I've been doing and helping out with the Order, I'm hardly ever there any way."

"Okay, well, take care of yourself." Remus ran his hand through his hair and offered her a weak smile. "If you need anything, just ask."

"Thanks Remus, same goes for you."

For a few moments, they stood in awkward silence, the only sound came from the gentle crackling of the fire. Tonks shifted from one foot to the other, wishing she had something to say to keep the conversation going.

"Is Sirius…"

"Will you…"

They both laughed nervously.

"Go ahead," Remus told her.

"I was just going to ask if Sirius is okay, he's been up with the hippogriff for a while now."

"Yeah, he's fine. That's where he goes to escape. He and Molly have a bit of a…strained relationship. They both think they're the only one who knows what's best for Harry."

"He's seems like a great kid, Harry, I mean."

"Yeah, he is. For someone so young who has so much on his mind, he's a really good, level-minded kid. More like Lily than James in that sense."

"Were you going to ask me something?"

Remus smiled and shook his head. "It was nothing."

"Oh, okay then," Tonks retrieved her broom from where she had left it standing in the corner. "I'm going to head on home now. I, uh, I guess I'll see you around."

"Good night, Tonks."

"Oh, are you leaving too?" Molly asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"Yes, Molly, I have to get up early tomorrow as well. Thank you for dinner, it was very good." Tonks told her.

"You're welcome, dear, just remember that you don't have to wait for an Order meeting to come, stop and see us any time."

"I will. Good night, Molly." She nodded to Arthur as he entered. "Good night, Arthur."

Arthur nodded to her. "See you at the Ministry."

Tonks cast one last glance at Remus and saw him watching her intently. She waggled her fingers in a farewell wave.

He smiled and returned her wave.


	5. Chapter 5

Tonks found that she was spending more and more time at 12 Grimmauld Place and she was having a lot of fun. After Harry had been cleared of all charges, the entire atmosphere of the house changed as tension drained from the walls. The kids were great. Tonks was bonding easily with Hermione and Ginny and was secretly helping the twins with their list of products. Harry and Ron were a couple of good kids and she loved watching the way Ron and Hermione kept stealing looks at each other and Harry and Ginny became closer friends. It brought back memories of her days at Hogwarts, some good, some bad, some embarrassing, but all looked back on fondly now.

The house was looking better and had more of a lived in feel to it. She had come across Kreatcher a couple of times and was glad it wasn't more often. He was a mean, unpleasant little creature.

Sirius' moods swung from elation when he was hanging out with Harry and Remus, to depression as the day Harry's return to Hogwarts drew nearer. She did her best to cheer him up, often staying late after meetings to have tea and talk with him. He wasn't the boy she remembered from her childhood, he wasn't as carefree and he was prone to severe mood swings. But she and Remus did their best to keep his spirits up. When Sirius was in a good mood, he and Remus spent their time reminiscing and teasing each other. When he was in a bad mood, he would lock himself away in his mother's old bedroom with Buckbeak and ignore all the activity in the rest of his house.

Tonks and Remus had both helped to get all the children off to Hogwarts. Sirius had gone against Dumbledore's orders and tagged along in the form of Padfoot. The walk to King's Station had him acting like a puppy, running, chasing his tail, and pouncing after squirrels. It was luckily uneventful and they were able to safely deliver Harry and the others to the Hogwarts Express before returning to the Noble House of Black. But as soon as they arrived at the house, Sirius turned back into his human form and disappeared upstairs.

"I'm so proud of all the children," Molly said when they arrived back at the house. "And I know they're going to accomplish so much at Hogwarts, but I miss them so much when they go."

Remus smiled kindly. "I know you do, but they're safe and happy."

She took an old handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes. "I know. Well, I'm going to get started on lunch."

Tonks watched her disappear down the hall. "Poor Molly."

"She'll be fine," Remus assured her. "I'm more worried about Sirius right now."

"He's still upstairs?"

"Yeah, I was going to go up and check on him."

"I'll come with you."

He looked her up and down. "Uh, maybe you should…update your appearance."

"Oh, yeah." Tonks took off the silly purple hat she had been wearing and screwed up her face. A moment later, the face of an old woman she wore softened and smoothed out until it became her own young, heart shaped face with a slightly upturned nose and dark eyes. The tightly curled grey hair loosened and fell past her chin in a bob of dark, wavy hair. "There."

Remus tilted his head and studied her. "Is that your natural look?"

"Yes, well, sort of. My natural hair is very straight and if I wear it long I make it curly or wavy to give it some character."

"You have plenty of character."

Tonks hesitated, not sure if that was a compliment or not.

As if reading her mind, he smiled and said, "It was a compliment." Without another word, he turned and started up the stairs.

It was another one of those confusing moments in their nonexistent relationship. Tonks knew they had settled into a friendship that was sometimes comfortable and sometimes not. Sirius was their common bond, they both had fun and could easily talk to each when he was there. At the meetings they were cordial and professional, but when they were alone, it was often awkward. Part of her thought that meant he felt something for her, but the insecure part of her thought it meant he knew she was attracted to her and he was uncomfortable with it because he didn't share her feelings. Then he goes and says something like that and it confuses her even more.

Taking a deep breath, Tonks started up the stairs after him.

Remus knocked softly on the door. Inside they heard a scratching noise and some shuffling as well as the inhuman sound they had learned was Buckbeak.

"Who is it?" Sirius called out gruffly.

"It's me," Remus replied gently. "And Tonks."

"What do you want?"

"To see you."

"I want to be alone."

"I don't care."

There was a pause before Sirius spoke with an obvious smile in his voice. "Fine. Come in."

Remus slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open. Both he and Tonks had been introduced to Buckbeak and he had approved of them, but Remus was still careful to not startle him. Sirius was sitting on the side of the massive, old bed where Buckbeak was curled up, covering most of the bed. Tonks slowly bowed to the hippogriff who bowed his head in return. Taking this as an invitation, she sat on the bed near Sirius and gently stroked Buckbeak's neck.

Remus grabbed the rickety old chair from the desk and swung it around to face his friend before sitting. "How're you doing, Padfoot?"

"Fine."

Tonks snorted.

"Something funny, Nymphadora?" He grumbled.

"You don't seem _fine_," she replied.

"This is me being fine."

"Well, that's depressing."

"Welcome to my world."

"Children," Remus interrupted with a smile. "Stop bickering."

"She started it," Sirius teased, poking her in the arm.

Tonks stuck her tongue out at him. "Did not."

"Did so."

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

Buckbeak clicked his beak and laid his head between the two of them.

"Keep this up and I'll tell Molly you're misbehaving," Remus warned.

"Tattletale," Tonks grumbled good-naturedly.

"Some things never change," Sirius added.

"I never tattled on you," Remus said.

"Yeah, but you're still a goody-goody."

"We'll have to see what we can do about changing that." The words came out before Tonks realized she was thinking them. Her hand froze in mid stroke of Buckbeak's feathers.

Sirius bent over with laughter while Remus tried to look amused but only succeed in looking embarrassed as color flooded his pale cheeks.

"Okay, that came out all wrong," Tonks said quickly, staring intently at the grey feathers that covered Buckbeak's head and neck.

"Please," Sirius laughed. "Explain how it was supposed to come out."

"So, uh, do we know yet who the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is yet?" She asked, nervously.

"All Albus said is that it was a qualified person who has worked in the Ministry for several years," Remus said, playing along with her attempt to change the subject.

Sirius' mood dampened a bit. "I tried to get him to tell me, but I think he was afraid I'd tell Harry."

"Which you would," Remus pointed out.

"I don't understand all the secrecy."

"We'll find out soon enough, Dumbledore probably wants the students to know first." Tonks said.

"Its times like today, seeing Harry get on the Hogwart's Express, that I really, really wish James and Lily were here," Sirius admitted quietly.

"They'd be so proud," Remus added.

Sirius looked at his cousin, a sad smile on his face. "I wish you could've known them. When Harry was born, James was over the moon. Throughout Lily's pregnancy, he was a nervous wreck. He was excited, but he was also worried about Voldemort and what might happen to the baby. But as soon as he held Harry, he was too excited to worry."

Remus chuckled softly. "Harry was the smartest baby ever born, according to James. We both received regular owls with updates about Harry's smile, the first time he lifted his head, the first time he rolled over. He was obviously ahead of all other babies his age."

"I was never so honored as I was the day James and Lily asked me to be Harry's godfather, it was a role I took very seriously, I just…I just wish I could have had the opportunity to really act as his godfather over the past fifteen years."

Tonks reached over Buckbeak's head and gently squeezed Sirius' hand. "He has you now, that's what's important. He has you and Remus, the two people who knew his parents the best, to share with him your memories of them. You're important to him, I can tell."

He nodded slowly, sadly. "Thanks Nymph."

"You _are_ important to him, so don't do anything stupid that can get you caught."

"Did Molly tell you to lecture me?"

"No, I decided to lecture you all by myself because I don't want you taking any unnecessary chances."

He waved her off. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"I mean it, Sirius."

Remus cleared his throat. "The house is looking much better lately. Before you know it, everyone will be back for Christmas break. I was thinking, though, that I might bring some work here with me, you could help me with some of the things Dumbledore asked me to do."

"What? You think the werewolves would listen to me?"

"Not that. Dumbledore has found several papers he asked me to go through and I thought if you were bored, you could help."

Sirius moved his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "I guess so."

"It would be a big help."

"Okay, drop them off whenever you get them. Buckbeak, don't eat the quilt, if you're hungry, I can get you something."

Buckbeak clicked his beak in response.

Sirius stood and quietly left the room in search of food for the hippogriff.

"I know you mean well," Remus said gently. "But you have to be careful with Sirius, he's been held captive for so long, he hates being reminded of it."

"I know, but I don't him doing anything stupid."

"Neither do I, and he won't. He's frustrated and angry, but he has too much to lose."

"I just wish there was more I could do for him."

"Just coming to visit means a lot to him."

She studied him a moment. "What about you?"

His cheeks darkened a bit, but he kept his composure. "What about me?"

"I'm sure having you around helps him."

"Oh, yeah, it's great having him back, but I hate leaving him when I have to go underground."

"I can stop by more often."

"That would be nice."

"What would be nice?" Sirius asked as he reentered the room with a basket of food.

"Tonks said she was going to be stopping over more often," Remus explained.

Sirius glanced at his old friend with a sly smile. "Yes, that is nice."

Tonks looked from one to the other, feeling as though she had missed the punchline of a private joke. "Uh, when are you going back underground?"

"The full moon is in three days, then I'll take a couple days to rest up before heading back," Remus explained.

"How long do you stay underground?"

He shrugged. "As long as I can. I'm helping out in other ways, so if Dumbledore needs me, I come back. I always try to get back a few days before the full moon."

Tonks glanced down and watched with a look of disgust as Buckbeak snarfed down a chicken leg. Moving slowly, she stood and moved away from the bed. "I, uh, I think I'm going to head on home."

"When are you coming back?" Sirius asked, unperturbed when a piece of chicken bone landed on his leg.

"If, uh, if I'm free, I'll stop by for dinner tomorrow night. Molly's cooking is ten times better than anything I can whip up."

"All right, see then Nymph, take care."

"Yeah, you too, Sirius. Good night, Remus."

Lupin stood. "Good night, Tonks."

When she shut the door behind her, Sirius turned to his friend and grinned. "So, she's going to be spending more time here, huh?"

"Oh stop that, it's not what you think," he sighed, lowering himself back onto his chair.

"And what do you think I'm thinking?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I don't know, Sirius, what are you thinking?"

"Well, if you think you know what I'm thinking, maybe you should come out and say it and then I'll let you know if that is what I was thinking or if you're thinking something I wasn't thinking."

"What?"

"Exactly."

"Okay." Remus stood again. "I think I'm going to turn in for the night."

"Why are you running away, Moony?"

"Running away from what?"

"She likes you, she's a good kid…"

"That's just it, Sirius, she's a kid."

"She's not that much younger than us."

"I'm going to bed."

Sirius stood as Remus opened the door. "Sooner or later you're going to have to stop running away."

Remus didn't respond, he entered the hall and quietly shut the door behind him.

* * *

Whenever she had an evening off, Tonks found her way to 12 Grimmuald Place. Molly and Arthur returned to the Burrow, but she would often drop off meals or check in on Sirius and Remus. Tonks found had a pleasant surprise when she learned that Remus was quite a good cook. 

"It's the real reason I keep him around," Sirius told her on the evening of the full moon.

Tonks had stopped by and was sitting in the kitchen with her cousin, enjoying a casserole type meal Remus had whipped up from leftovers. "This really is quite good. Where is Remus?"

"He gets very weak right before the transformation, he's up in bed."

"Wh-what happens?"

"He'll stay up in his room, transform, go to sleep and wake up his old self. It's all very tiring. He'll spend most of tomorrow in bed."

"Is it painful?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't like talking about it."

Her heart broke a little for him. She had grown to know Remus as a patient, smart, good man who didn't deserve the hand he had been dealt in life. "But you're with him, aren't you?"

"Yes, in my Padfoot form, it's not safe for a human to be around him."

"But if he takes the Wolfesbane…"

Sirius shook his head. "He keeps his mind, but he is still a wild animal. It isn't worth chancing. And if he ever did anything to anyone, it would devastate him."

Tonks glanced at the wall clock, it was just after five o'clock.

"He's probably sleeping now," he explained. "Resting up for what's to come."

"Has he eaten? If he needs to build up his strength…"

"Don't worry about it, Tonks, he has been dealing with this for a long time, he knows what he's doing."

"Don't tell me to not worry. I feel so bad for him, I wish there was something I could do."

"Do you have a crush on ol' Remus?"

Tonks jolted at his question. She couldn't deny she found him attractive, but did she have deeper feelings for him? _Do I have a crush on Remus? I mean, he's a great guy and all, and he's smart and sweet. And he has beautiful eyes. And a nice smile. He really is pretty cute. But he's a werewolf, can I like a werewolf? Can I have a relationship with a werewolf?_

"Nymph?"

She snapped out of her thoughts and glared at him. "Don't call me that."

"You didn't answer my question."

"What?"

"Well, maybe you did."

She leaned across the table and lowered her voice. "Has he said something to you?"

"About what?" He whispered back.

"About…anything," she replied lamely.

"Well, yesterday he mentioned that he thought it might rain."

"Nevermind."

Sirius grinned and sat back. "You have to understand that Remus has spent almost his entire life alone. He has convinced himself that that is his lot in life, it would take a very determined woman a lot of hard work to change that."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're a very determined woman."

"Uh oh, sounds like Padfoot is trying to talk you into doing something you shouldn't," a hoarse voice rasped.

Tonks jumped to her feet as Remus limped into the room. He moved slowly, his face frighteningly pale and drawn with dark circles under his eyes. "Can…can I get you something?" She asked, feeling nervous and silly.

"No, please, sit, I feel much better than I look," he told her, crossing to put the kettle on the stove. "I was just looking for a cup of tea."

Tonks looked down at Sirius when he cleared his throat and motioned for her to sit back down.

"Well, you look like crap, Moony," Sirius said lightly.

Remus laughed. "Nice to see you're still tactful."

"I'm too old to change my behavior now."

"Tell me about it, I feel like I'm about a hundred and three right now," Remus muttered as he opened the cupboard and took out a flat box.

"Well, don't worry, you only look a hundred and one."

"Thanks. Piece of chocolate, Tonks?" He asked, holding the box out to her.

She recognized the box as being a collection from Honeydukes. "Uh, sure, thank you," she said shyly, selecting a piece.

He smiled softly. "It's a weakness of mine and once a month I indulge to help keep my strength up."

"Just like a woman," Sirius teased.

"Watch it," Tonks warned.

Remus poured the hot water into his tea mug and joined them at the table. "So what were we planning on having the determined Tonks do?"

She glanced at Sirius, her face darkening a bit.

He smiled. "Oh, we were discussing the possibility of her taking on a private, dangerous mission."

"How dangerous?"

"It could change her life forever."

Remus furrowed his brow in confusion. "Is this something Dumbledore asked her to do?"

"No, it's something she's going to take on all by herself."

"I did not say I was going to take it on," Tonks spoke up.

Sirius winked at her. "I think you will."

"If you're not comfortable doing something, then don't do it," Remus said. "We can always find another way."

"She has to, Nymph is the only one for the job."

"Knock it off, Sirius," she mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

"Well, whatever it is, if you need help, just ask. If I can help, I'd be more than happy to." Remus offered.

Sirius snorted and pushed himself to his feet. "I'm going to check on Buckbeak since he's going to be alone all night, I want to make sure he has enough water and food."

Tonks glanced over at Remus and saw his hand shaking a bit as he selected a piece of chocolate from the box. "Is there anything I can do for you, Remus?"

He smiled sadly. "I appreciate your concern, Tonks, but I'll be fine. I've had to deal with this for over twenty five years now, I know how to handle it."

"I'm sorry," she murmured weakly.

"Don't be. I'm the same man who went with you to get Harry and to see the children off to school."

"I know. I just…well, you're not at all as I imagined a werewolf being."

"You imagined a big, angry, insane man who would just as soon tear your jugular out as speak to you?"

"Well…yeah."

"Sorry."

Tonks smiled. "Don't be."

Remus sipped his tea. "How are things at the ministry?"

"Same old, same old. Tensions are running high and we're getting more and more sightings of Death Eaters to investigate. I've been hearing rumors that Umbridge isn't very popular at Hogwarts, but Fudge is downplaying those rumors."

"I've been wondering what she's teaching, if she's teaching them what they really need to know or if she's doing what Fudge tells her."

"You haven't heard from Harry?"

"No, not yet." He glanced at the clock. "I hate to call this an early evening, Tonks, but I have to turn in for the night."

"Of course. Um, good luck."

Remus couldn't help but chuckle as he rinsed out his mug. "Thank you. If I don't see you again before I go underground, I'll see you at the next meeting."

Tonks nodded, feeling a little sad and helpless. "Remus, take care of yourself."

"Thanks, you too." He smiled and nodded to her before leaving the kitchen.

Tonks selected another piece of candy from the box and took a bite. Chewing slowly, she contemplated Remus. Did she have a crush on him? Was Sirius right? Was she determined enough to do something about it?


	6. Chapter 6

It was nearly two weeks later before Tonks saw Remus again. He looked better than the last time she had seen him, healthier, stronger. His robes were a bit more frayed along the hem and he was desperately in need of a haircut, but when she entered the kitchen of 12 Grimmuald Place and saw him sitting at the table, she froze.

He glanced up when she entered and smiled in greeting. "Hello, Tonks."

Her heart skipped a beat and she took a deep breath. She had been going over and over in her mind what she was going to say the next time she saw him. Sirius had stopped prodding her and hadn't mentioned Remus once since he had gone underground. But that didn't take Tonk's mind off him. It seemed that every free minute she had had over the past fortnight had been spent thinking about Remus Lupin. Now that she was standing in the kitchen, six feet away from him as he ate his dinner, Tonks found herself feeling like a shy, awkward schoolgirl. Which was a totally new feeling for her.

Nymphadora Tonks was neither shy nor was she awkward around people, clumsy, but not awkward. The fact that she was feeling like that left her feeling annoyed and punchy.

"Tonks," Sirius greeted her as he stepped into the room behind her. "How're you doing?"

"Wotcher Sirius." She smiled, hoping she appeared more secure than she felt. "How's it going?"

"Fine. Have you eaten?"

"Uh, no, not yet."

"Good, have a seat. Molly sent over a Shepard's Pie, there's plenty if you'd like some."

"Thanks, Sirius, but I can get it myself."

He snorted. "Yeah, like I'm letting you near the stove."

"I can get some food without setting fire to the house."

"Last week you singed your robes when you tripped and fell against the stove. Sit down, Tonks."

She pulled out the chair across from Remus who had been following their exchange with a look of amusement. "How're you doing, Remus?"

"Fine, thank you, how are you?"

"I'd be better if Sirius didn't treat me like a child."

"I'd be better if I didn't have to worry about you burning my house down," Sirius retorted as he set a plate in front of her.

"Prat."

"Nymph."

She scowled at her cousin before turning to the man across from her. "Any luck with the werewolves?"

"No, they're just not interested in helping the wizarding world. How are things going at the ministry?"

"Same old, same old. Sirius is on the run, Death Eaters are being spotted, Fudge is a moron, and no one wants to believe You-Know-Who is back."

Sirius pulled out the chair beside her and sat down. "Did you know Dolores Umbridge when she was working at the Ministry?"

Tonks shrugged. "No, not really. I mean, I knew _of_ her, but she and I never really spoke or associated with each other. I'm too new in the auror program for her to have noticed me."

"Yeah, I know her by reputation and I know she isn't Remus' favorite person."

Lupin scowled.

Tonks studied him a moment before realization dawned on her. "Oh, that's right, she drafted that terrible new werewolf legislation."

"She's an ignorant woman who is allowing herself to be ruled by her fears," Remus growled. "She has allowed her power to go to her head. Not only did she draft that unfair legislation, but she also tried to get a law passed that would round up and tag merpeople. She's an ignorant, uninformed, power hungry wench! She is the worst thing to happen to Hogwarts since…"

"Snape started working there?" Sirius interrupted.

"At least Snape is on our side."

Sirius snorted in disbelief.

Tonks felt her mouth fall open in surprise at Remus' outburst. He had always seemed so calm and even-tempered. She found she had a whole new respect for him. "She was always Fudge's little lackey, so anything he says, she's going to go along with."

"I think she goes beyond being his lackey, I think she wants his job. She's the most corrupt, unfair, insincere prat I've ever heard of. I bet she would side with Voldemort in a heartbeat if he offered to make her Minister of Magic when he came into power." Remus said, angrily.

"All right, all right," Sirius spoke up, raising both hands in a sign of defense. "I shouldn't have brought up that Umbridge woman."

"Why did you? Have you heard from Harry? Is everything all right at Hogwarts?" Tonks asked.

"No, things are not all right at Hogwarts. She's not teaching them proper defense, Fudge is so afraid of what Dumbledore might be doing behind the closed doors of Hogwarts."

"Do you really think Fudge is trying to hold back the kids? I mean, it's important for them to learn defense."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance that clearly told Tonks she had missed something.

"I know you've worked hard to become an auror," Remus said gently. "And I know you've spent the last year working at the Ministry under Fudge, but since you've joined the Order, I have to believe that you know what's going on. He is absolutely convinced Dumbledore is out to seize power of the Ministry and will stop at nothing to do so."

"I know, I just…I find it so hard to believe that he would take this out on the students. No matter what is going on, it is important for them to know proper defense."

"He's an insecure wanker," Sirius grumbled.

"Has there been any more word from Hagrid?" She asked.

Remus shook his head. "No, not since Madame Maxime's last owl told us they had been separated. We have to think positively, most likely, in this case, no news is good news."

"I hope so. So, Sirius, I heard you were spotted in China last week."

He smirked. "Really? I thought I was in the States."

"No, that was last month."

"You see, no one thinks I'm in England, I don't see why I can't go out in Padfoot form."

"You know why," Remus said. "The Malfoys recognized you."

"We don't know that for sure, Harry just _thinks_ they _might_ have recognized me."

"Don't chance it."

Sirius made a face. "I don't know what happened to you. Remember when we used to get a rush from taking a chance at things like that."

"Come on, Padfoot, we're not kids anymore. Things have changed."

"I know things have changed."

"Sirius, I never took the chances you and James did and…James is gone, Sirius."

He jumped to his feet, shoving the chair roughly into the table. "I know James is gone. I am fully aware of the fact that James and Lily are dead, I'm reminded of that every day. But I'm still alive, so are you and Harry, so why can't we try and get more out of life? You have no idea what it's like being stuck here day in and day out. If this is what my life is meant to be, then maybe I'd be better off dead!"

"You don't mean that," Remus said firmly.

Sirius rubbed his hands over his face. "I know. I just wish I could get out of here, I feel the walls closing in on me."

Tonks felt at a loss. She wished there was something she could have said to make him feel better, something she could do to help him.

With a sigh Sirius dug out a bottle of firewhiskey and a goblet before joining them back at the table. "So, Tonks, have you given any more thought to what we discussed?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, I'll think about it, Sirius, I appreciate the offer."

"Uh, what offer?" Remus asked.

"I asked Tonks if she was interested in moving in here," Sirius explained.

"Really?"

"Yeah, think about it, it makes sense. She's living alone in the city, in a not very safe neighborhood. There is plenty of room here and I can use the company. Besides, it seems she spends more time here than she does at her own place."

"That's true," Tonks added. "I only sleep at my place now, the rest of my time is spent here or at work."

"And there was a Death Eater sighting less than a block from her place."

Remus looked at her. "Is that true?"

"Yeah, last weekthere was some suspicious activity reported in the vicinity. But we couldn't find anything."

"Just for now, Nymph, until things get safer," Sirius said.

"I said I'm thinking about it. And don't call me that."

Sirius threw his arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick hug. "Think of the fun we'd have, _Tonks_."

"Would we throw some parties?"

"I don't see why not."

Tonks couldn't help but notice how quiet Remus was. _Maybe he doesn't want me to move in. Sirius should have talked to him about this before asking me._

"If you'll excuse me," Remus said as he stood and took his plate to the sink to clean. "I'm going to head up to my room. I have some work to do, I want to sort through the files Dumbledore gave me. Good night, Tonks, Sirius."

"Good night, Remus."

"Night, Moony," Sirius called after him.

"You probably should have discussed it with him before inviting me to move in," Tonks said.

Sirius shrugged. "It's my house."

"But he lives here too."

"If he keeps going underground, he spends more time away than here."

"I don't think he likes the idea."

"He won't mind, Remus is a good guy and he likes you."

Tonks sighed. "I don't know if I can move in here."

"Seriously think about it, I would feel better having you here. I would know you're safe and you could keep me company."

"Talk it over with Remus and see how he feels about it and then I'll make my decision."

* * *

Just over an hour later, Remus heard a knock on his door and sighed. He knew it was Sirius, but he wasn't sure if he really wanted to talk to his friend just now. 

"Come on, Moony, I can see your light's on," Sirius called through the door.

"Come in."

Sirius opened the door and sauntered in. "Get any work done?"

Remus looked down at his desk where papers were spread across the top. He hadn't been able to concentrate on any of them. If Nymphadora Tonks moved into the house, he didn't think he would be able to concentrate on anything ever again. "Not really."

"Tonks thinks you don't want her to move in."

"If she wants to, she's more than welcome to. She'd be great company for you."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and stared at his friend. "Would it make you uncomfortable if she moved in here?"

Remus wanted to tell him it would, but that would be incredibly selfish on his part. Yeah, he would be very uncomfortable sharing the house with the adorable, enchanting, amusing auror that he was afraid he was falling for.

"Of course I'm not uncomfortable with her moving in. It would be fun."

A slow grin spread across Sirius' face. "All right then, I'll let her know. As a matter of fact, I'll send her an owl now."

When he was left alone, Remus groaned and buried his face in his hands. How was he going to be able to live in the same house as her?

**SLAM!**

Remus jumped to his feet at the noise. Whatever it was was drowned out by the sound of Mrs. Black screaming at the top of her lungs. He ran across his room, wand in hand, and threw open his door just as Sirius ran by and down the stairs.

"Tonks! What is wrong with you?" Sirius snapped as he tugged at the curtains in front of his mother's portrait.

Remus took one look at Tonk's pale face and look of wide-eyed fear and took her arm, leading her away from the portrait and into the parlor. "What happened?" He asked when he pushed her gently into a chair.

"Damnit!" Sirius snapped as he joined them. "You know better than to slam the door open like that."

"Sirius." Remus spoke warningly.

He looked at his young cousin and the irritation drained away. "What is it, Nymph, what happened?"

"I feel so silly," she whispered. "I didn't know where else to go."

Remus knelt in front of her. "What happened, Tonks?"

"I'm an auror, I should be able to handle this better, but when I got to my flat and saw that the wards around it had been broken…"

"Someone broke into your flat?"

She nodded, finally raising her eyes to meet his. "I drew my wand and went in…"

"That was stupid," Sirius interrupted. "You should have gotten some backup."

"I know that, I just acted before I thought."

"Was someone there?" Remus asked.

"They were gone. But my entire place was ransacked. I-I don't know what was taken, I just…I left."

He patted her knee. "It's all right, you shouldn't go in there alone any way. Send an owl to the Ministry and tell them what happened, they will secure the area and investigate. Tomorrow, when it's cleared, you can go back and get some things together."

She looked into his kind brown eyes. "Why?"

"Because you're moving in here. You can stay tonight and tomorrow I'll go with you to gather whatever you need. It isn't safe for you to be there alone now."

Tonks swallowed hard and nodded. "Thank you, Remus."

He took her hand and squeezed gently. The need to comfort and protect her was overwhelming and it nearly broke him. "You are not weak, don't think that. You did the right thing, coming here and even Mad-Eye or Kingsley wouldn't have hung around alone if someone had broken into their home."

"Mad-Eye might've," she sniffed, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her robe.

Remus smiled. "True, but he's insane."

"I'll, uh, I'll go make sure the bed is ready for you," Sirius mumbled, backing out of the room.

They jumped apart, looking like two guilty children caught stealing from the cookie jar, having forgotten they weren't the only ones in the room.

Remus stood and brushed off the knees of his slacks, looking anywhere but at Tonks. "Uh, Sirius was actually just about to send you an owl and invite you to move in here."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You, uh, you don't have to go with me tomorrow, I can get someone else, a friend."

"Whatever you'd like." Remus felt at a loss. One moment they were sharing a friendly closeness and now they were both feeling awkward and uncomfortable. "Would you like some tea?"

Tonks rubbed her arms. "Uh, no, thank you, Remus, I think I'll go send an owl to the Ministry and turn in."

"If, uh, if you need anything, just ask."

"I will. Thank you, Remus. Thank you." Her voice trembled a bit and she hesitated as though she wanted to say more. But instead, she disappeared into the hall and up the stairs.

Remus fought the urge to follow her. He was haunted by the look of lost fear on her face. He wanted to hold her hand, stroke her cheek, soothe her. But no, she was a trained auror, a smart, pretty young woman who had no use for a pathetic old werewolf.

With a heavy heart, he shuffled into the kitchen to brew himself a cup of tea.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Tonks woke to a tapping sound. Blinking the sleep from her eyes, she lifted her head and looked for the source. Three owls were sitting on the ledge outside the small window across the room, the largest was tapping on the glass with its beak.

With a groan, she pushed herself up and padded across the cold floor. The window stuck and she spent several moments fighting with the sash before it finally creaked open.

"What have we here?" She asked quietly as she untied the three slips of parchment.

The first one was from the head of the aurors, telling her her place had been checked out and was safe for now. The second note was from one of her friends at the office, Paul Dunne, telling her he had heard what had happened and if she needed anything to just let him know. The last one was from Kinsley letting her know that he would be at 12 Grimmuald Place that morning to escort her to her flat so she could gather whatever she needed.

"Well, I'm not getting back to sleep now," she mumbled, glancing at the window and seeing the sun was just rising over the horizon.

Tonks was surprised to see she wasn't the only one up at this early hour. The fire was burning in the hearth when she entered the kitchen and found Remus sitting at the table, his head bowed over the steaming mug he clutched in his hands.

The moment she entered, he looked up and they both froze. Tonks once again found herself feeling shy and unsure.

Remus spoke first. "Good morning, Tonks, did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I did, thank you," she replied quietly, crossing to the stove to heat up the tea kettle.

"What has you up so early?"

"I, uh, I got some owls this morning. Kingsley is going to come and get me so he can escort me to my flat."

"Did anyone say if they found anything?"

She shook her head. "Scrimgeour, he's the head of the aurors, sent me an owl and said it was clear for me to go back and get some things. I have a meeting with him this afternoon. Kingsley said he'd tell me everything he knew when he saw me."

"Where did you tell Scrimgeour you were staying?"

"With family."

"Are you…okay?" He asked, hesitantly.

She nodded as she took the tea tin from a cupboard. "I'm fine. I guess…I guess I was a bit shaken last night."

"Which is totally understandable."

Tonks smiled as she turned to face him. "Thank you, Remus, I appreciate your help last night."

"You're welcome, Tonks. What are friends for?"

She turned back to the stove as she felt her smile fall a bit. _Yeah, friends._

"Did you, um, did you want me to come with you?" He offered, half-heartedly.

Tonks shook her head as she joined him at the table. "Thanks, but Kingsley is going with me and my partner, Paul, might stop by as well."

"Paul?" Remus asked before he could stop himself.

"Uh, yeah, well, he's not officially my partner, but we're sent out on calls together so often we consider ourselves partners."

"Is…is he a nice guy?"

"Yeah. We went through training together, he's a real good guy."

Remus wondered why he was feeling jealous of this other guy. "Do you need any help getting your things here?"

Tonks shook her head. "Thanks, but I think I have it covered."

"Okay."

"I appreciate the offer though."

"No problem. Just, uh, just let me know if there is anything I can do to help."

"I will. Thanks."

They sat in awkward silence, sipping tea and waiting for the other to speak first. Tonks searched her mind, trying to find something, anything, to get him into a conversation. She liked hearing him talk and always enjoyed their conversations.

"Are you going to come right back here after you go to your flat?" He asked.

She nodded. "I'll drop my things off and then go in."

"Will it be a problem that you can't tell them where you're living?"

"I told them I'm staying with family and I figure I'll tell them today that I don't want to give out my exact location because I don't want to put my family at danger. They can still reach me by owl."

"Sounds like you have it all planned out."

"Are you, uh, are you going to go back underground?"

Remus shook his head. "Not right now, I have other things I need to do for the Order. I've also upset a few werewolves with my questions and support of Dumbledore."

"It's getting dangerous."

He shrugged. "With Voldemort back, everything is dangerous."

"Remus, just be careful."

"I am."

"No, I mean it." Acting on impulse, Tonks reached across the table and clutched his hand. "Don't take any unnecessary chances. You're too important."

"I am?" He asked quietly, staring at their joined hands.

She pulled her hand back quickly. "Of…of course you are. I mean, the Order needs you and…and Sirius needs you."

He nodded slowly, pulling his hand out of her reach. "You're right. I'll promise to be careful if you promise the same and not do anything stupid like go into your flat alone after someone breaks into it."

Her eyes met his across the table and held for a moment. "Deal."

In the silence of the kitchen, they both heard the front door creak open and softly close followed by gentle footfalls.

"That sounds like Kingsley," Tonks said, standing and carrying her mug of tepid tea to the sink.

Remus stood as the senior auror walked into the kitchen. "Kingsley, good morning. Would you like a cup of tea?"

Kingsley flashed him a smile and shook the hand Remus offered. "Good morning Remus, you're looking well. Thank you, but no, I just had breakfast."

"Can you tell me what they found?" Tonks asked.

"Good morning to you too, Tonks," he said dryly. "I was not part of the investigation, but from what I heard, there was definite dark magic left lingering and you're very lucky you weren't there alone. No Dark Mark was left behind but they are going to set up a surveillance to watch your flat for a few days, to see if anyone comes back looking for you. You will also need to make a list of what's missing, in case anything is found and can be traced back to you."

"That could take a while."

"You're off the rest of today to take care of all this. There will be people around to help if you need them. Are you busy today, Remus?"

"Uh, no, I'm free," he replied, appearing a little surprised at having been addressed by Kingsley.

"Would you mind coming along? I wouldn't mind having another pair of eyes looking around, especially if those eyes belonged to another member of the Order." Kinglsey explained.

Remus nodded. "Of course, I'd be happy to help."

Tonks smiled at him, realizing that she was glad he was going to be there with her, for her.

"Shall we go then?" Kingsley asked.

Remus carried his mug to the sink and rinsed it out. "I'll go tell Sirius we're leaving."

"How're you doing, really?" Kingsley asked when he and Tonks were alone.

"I'm fine. Really." She assured him. "Is Scrimgeour really giving me the day off?"

"Yeah, it took some convincing, but after he saw how bad it was, he figured it would be for the best. It is bad, Tonks, I'm sorry, but it will take a few hours to get things in order and figure out what's missing. I'm glad Remus can come, I can't stay for long and we're stretched pretty thin at the office."

"I know and I really appreciate you taking the time to come and help me with this."

"No problem, glad I could come."

"All right, after I convinced Sirius to not join us as Padfoot, he said he'd see us when we got back," Remus announced as he entered the kitchen.

"He needs to be careful, I think Scrimgeour is starting to have doubts," Kingsley said as they started down the front hall.

Remus furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, he hasn't said anything specifically, but I'm afraid he's starting to wonder about my techniques in tracking down the world's most dangerous criminal, next to Voldemort, of course."

"Where are we going?" Remus asked as they stepped out onto the front lawn.

Tonks looked up and down the street, making sure no one was watching them. "My flat."

"I know that, but I've never been there."

"Hm. Maybe we should do a side-along." She suggested.

Remus hesitated a moment before nodding in agreement.

"See you there," Kingsley said just before apparating with a quite pop.

Tonks felt her heart race as Remus stepped closer and offered her his arm. She slipped her arm around his and he stood so close she could feel the heat coming from his body. A slight tremor shook her as he pressed closer to her.

"Ready to go?" He whispered, his breath ruffling her hair and causing goose bumps to rise all over her.

"What?"

"Are you ready to go?" He repeated, his voice low and hoarse. "You have to apparate, I don't know where you're flat is."

"Oh. Oh yeah." Heat flooded her cheeks.

"Just try not to splinch us."

A moment later they appeared just outside a narrow, three-story walkup on an ordinary street in London. Tonks pushed open the front door and led the way up three floors to a door marked with a brass number 5. Everything appeared normal until she opened the door.

The main room of her flat served as both living and dining room. The dining table was on its side, the antique vase her grandmother had given her lay in pieces beside it. The sofa was torn and stuffing littered the floor. End tables were knocked over with broken legs, her rocking chair was broken in pieces. Torn paper covered the floor as well as broken picture frames and knick knacks.

Kingsley was there, speaking with another auror who held a camera.

Tonks slowly looked around the room. It looked so much worse in the daylight than it had the night before. Angry tears filled her eyes as she thought of who would do this to her. _How did they find me?_ She thought. _Why me? What did I do?_

She had spent a lot of time the night before trying to think who she had brought down, who she had angered that would do this. But she was just a junior auror and hadn't made that many arrests.

"Tonks?"

She swallowed hard and took a moment to compose herself. Then Remus laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and she was afraid she was going to lose it.

"It's all right. We'll fix what we can." He whispered. "Take your time."

She nodded and waited until she was sure she could speak without losing her composure. "Thank you, Remus. I'd like to get this done quickly."

* * *

Over two hours later, Tonks and Remus were alone in the flat. Kingsley had to return to work and the investigator with the camera had left not long after they had arrived. Remus, armed with parchment and a quill, followed her through the rooms ready to write down anything that was missing. After searching the living room and kitchen, they found a lot of broken and disturbed items, but nothing missing.

Tonks was physically and emotionally exhausted by the time she entered her bedroom. Like the rest of the place, it was a total mess. Her mattress was pushed off the box spring, the bed clothes torn aside. All the drawers had been pulled out of the dresser and the contents torn and thrown about the room. Her heart sank and she fought the urge to curl up on the floor and cry.

Moving slowly, she crossed to the closet and opened the door. As she expected, her clothes were in a heap on the floor. Turning around, Tonks' eyes fell on the shelves that hung on the opposite wall. A lump formed in her throat as she picked her way through the mess.

"Tonks?"

She didn't acknowledge Remus when he entered the room.

"Do you need a break?" He asked as he stepped over the discarded clothing.

She closed her eyes as he approached. He stood close and she could feel him. "No, thank you. I just want to get this done." Her voice trembled and she silently cursed herself.

Remus touched a bit of the pink dust on the shelf. It clung to his finger. "What was it?"

Tonks opened her eyes and looked at the pink, purple, green, blue, and white dust that covered the shelf. "Nothing."

"It obviously was something."

"It's silly really. They're just things, I can probably replace them."

He laid a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay to be upset when you lose something of sentimental value."

"They were old potion bottles. It was a…a tradition of sorts my mother and I started when I was about twelve. I had found this one." She gestured to the pile of green dust. "At a market in Scotland and, I don't know why, but I just loved it. It was round at the bottom with a tall, tapered top and birds etched all over it. After that, whenever we went anywhere, she and I would pick out a bottle at an antique shop or a market. The pink one was from France when I was sixteen, the purple one was Ireland when I was fourteen, blue was Italy when I graduated Hogwarts, and the clear one was from the States when I was fifteen. They…they were my favorites. I had others around the apartment, but these were my favorites." Her voice shook and she swiped her hand over her wet cheeks, feeling foolish in front of him.

Remus gently squeezed her shoulder.

"The other bottles had been broken into pieces so we can fix them, but these…" She gestured helplessly.

"They were destroyed to the point of being unfixable," he finished quietly.

Tonks nodded and let her head fall forward until her chin hit her chest.

Remus turned her to face him and gently tucked his finger under her chin, tilting her head up so he could see her red, moist eyes and the tear tracks that marked her cheeks. "We can take a break and come back later."

She trembled from head to toe, not sure if it was a reaction to his closeness or to all that had happened to her over the past twenty four hours. "I want to get this done," she whispered. "I won't let them beat me."

For several long moments, the two of them stood in the mess of her bedroom, their eyes locked together. Tonks felt her body shake a bit more and she leaned toward him, her body moving of its own accord. Remus hesitated, a conflicted expression on his face. She slowly licked her lips and his resolve broke.

They met halfway. His breath caught as he hesitated again before softly touching his lips to hers.

A shiver raced down her spine as he slid his hand around the back of her neck. She leaned closer, pressing against him. Her entire body felt like a live wire, ready to explode as she slid her arms around his neck and he wrapped his other arm around her waist. The kiss became deeper, more passionate as Tonks opened her mouth and their tongues met in an intimate dance. A low growl came from deep within him and shot an arrow of lust through her.

"Tonks! You in here?"

They jumped apart, both breathing heavily. The front door opened and slammed shut as someone called out to her.

"Tonks!"

Remus stumbled backwards, his face burning and his eyes looking everywhere but at her. "I'll, uh, I'll go check the, uh, the kitchen."

She nodded. "Of course, I'll come and help in a few minutes." Tonks bent to pick up some clothes on the floor, hoping he didn't have a chance to notice the tears that flooded her eyes.

"Tonks." A dark haired young man stood in the doorway. "There you are. Why didn't you answer me?"

"Sorry, Paul," she muttered, staring hard at a pair of jeans on the floor.

"Paul Dunne," he said to Remus, offering him his hand. "I'm a friend of Tonks'."

"Remus Lupin, nice to met you." He shook Paul's hand.

"I have some free time and I thought I would come and see if you needed any help."

"Why don't you help out in here while I check out the kitchen," Remus suggested.

"No problem." Paul walked over to the bed and pulled the mattress back onto it.

Tonks looked up and met Remus' eye before he turned and left the room.

"How're you doing?" Paul asked.

"As well as can be expected," she replied, standing with her arms full of clothing.

"Was anything stolen?"

"I haven't found anything missing yet, but whoever did this had a lot of fun destroying my things. How did you get time off to come here?"

"Things are pretty slow today, so I asked Scrimgeour if I could come over and help you out."

"We're almost done, once I finish up in here and pack some clothes, I'm going to head out."

"Where are you staying?"

"With family."

"Your parents?"

She shook her head as she held up her favorite blouse and examined it. "No, a cousin. This doesn't look too bad, I could probably repair it."

"Where does she live?"

"Who?"

"Your cousin."

Tonks laid the blouse on the bed and looked up at him. "If you don't mind, I'm keeping it quiet until we know who did this. I don't want to put my family in danger."

"Of course." He nodded. "I understand."

"How're things at the Ministry?"

"Surprisingly quiet today. Who's Remus?"

"A friend," she muttered as she folded more clothes.

"A friend of your parents?"

"No, a friend of mine and my cousin," she snapped, felling irrationally angry. "What's with all the questions, Paul?"

"I'm just looking out for you."

Tonks groaned and threw a shirt down. "I can look after myself just fine, thank you."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't, I'm just…confused right now."

Paul nodded understandingly. "Yeah, we all are."

_If you only knew_, Tonks thought bitterly.


	8. Chapter 8

Remus returned to 12 Grimmauld Place alone. Tonks decided to stop by the Ministry before she returned home and he was glad for the break.

The entire afternoon had been nothing but a series of uncomfortable moments. They had been unable to talk to each other, to even look at each other.

_Who knows what would have happened if Paul hadn't walked in?_ Remus asked himself as he slipped into his bedroom. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he had lost control. He had thrown all caution aside and acted without giving thought to the consequences.

"How could I do that?" He asked the empty room. "How could I do that to her?"

"Do what to who?"

Remus whirled around and saw Sirius standing in his doorway. "You shouldn't sneak up on people."

"You shouldn't talk to yourself, it's a sign of insanity."

"It is not."

"It should be. Where's Tonks?"

"She went to the Ministry."

Sirius crossed the room and leaned against the desk. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Her place was a total mess and it took several hours to sort through it all. Nothing was stolen but a lot of things were destroyed."

"How's she holding up?"

"She seems good, considering. She…she's a strong woman."

"What did you do to her?"

Remus crossed his arms over chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Something has you all stressed out."

"I'm not all stressed out."

"You can't lie to me, Moony."

Remus rubbed his hands over his face before lowering his head and fisting his hands in his hair. "I have to get out of here."

Sirius stood upright. "What?"

"I…I can't be in the same house with her."

A smile tugged at the corners of Sirius' mouth. "You're in love with Nymph."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"I am not. I mean, I think very highly of her, but I am not in love with her."

"But you are interested in her."

"You're nothing but a troublemaker, Sirius," Remus sighed. "It has been a long day and I think I'll take a nap before dinner."

"Remus…"

"Sirius, don't."

Taking note of his friend's tone, Sirius nodded. "You know you can talk to me."

"I know. Thanks."

"I'll leave you alone, but before I go, I just want to say that you're my best mate and Nymph is like a little sister to me. I think the two of you would be good for each other if you could just get past this mental block you have."

"It's not a mental block, it's a dangerous curse."

Sirius stopped at the door and studied his friend a moment. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Too late," Remus muttered.

* * *

It was evening when Tonks returned to Grimmauld Place. She was exhausted and ready to crawl into bed, but her stomach was growling loudly as she sneaked into the front door. Hesitating in the foyer, she looked around, listening. Part of her was afraid to see Remus while another part of her was dying to see him. She was afraid he would apologize and tell her the kiss had been a mistake, which would have devastated her. But at the same time, she hoped he would grab her and finish what they had started earlier. 

_That won't happen_, she thought as she set her trunk down and crept toward the kitchen. _He wouldn't even look at me afterwards, he's probably embarrassed. It was a pity kiss. As if I wasn't embarrassed enough, now I have to pretend Remus and I didn't share a humiliating pity kiss._

The only light in the kitchen came from the dancing flames of the fire. Her eyes scanned the shadows and she saw a man standing at the sink, his back to her. For a moment her heart stopped and heat flooded her face. Then she noticed the long dark hair and realized who it was.

"Wotcher, Sirius."

He looked over his shoulder. "Stupid Kreatcher, won't even clean the dishes. Have a seat, I'll get you something to eat. How're you doing?"

"I'm all right," she sighed as she sat down. "It's been a long day."

"I'm sorry. Were you able to save much?"

"Yes. There were some things that weren't salvageable, but we did what we could. After things die down a bit, I'm going to look for a new place. I talked with some of the guys at work and they all think I would be safer if I found a new flat."

"Well, you're welcome to stay here as long as you like," he offered, setting a plate in front of her.

"Oh, I don't want to be a pest," she told him, digging into the leftover chicken. "I won't stay for long."

He sat down opposite her. "I'd like you to stay a while."

"I appreciate that, Sirius, but I'm sure you'll get tired of me before too long."

He laughed. "I wouldn't worry about that, Tonks."

She glared at her plate, pushing food around. "Maybe, but I'm sure I'll start to annoy Remus before long."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

Tonks shrugged, not looking up.

"Did something happen? Did he say something to upset you?"

She shook her head.

"I wish someone would tell me what happened today."

She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Remus comes home, locks himself away in his room and won't tell me what happened. You come back ready to leave again and you don't want to talk about it. If I didn't know better, I would think something happened between the two of you."

Her appetite suddenly gone, Tonks pushed the plate away. "Did he seem angry?"

"No, I wouldn't say he was angry." Sirius reached across the table and took her hand. "What happened, Nymph?"

She shook her head and pulled her hand away, pushing back from the table. "Nothing. It's been a long day and I'm very tired. Thanks for dinner, but I'm going to turn in."

"Do need any help getting settled in?"

"No, thanks Sirius. Good night."

"'Night Nymph."

Her trunk was still by the front door. She pointed her wand at it and whispered, "Locomotor trunk." It floated several inches off the floor and she turned to point it up the stairs. With her mind elsewhere, the trunk bumped against the wall, scraping the already scarred wallpaper. Her heart was heavy and her mind troubled as she approached the landing at the top of the stairs. To the left were two doors, the closest one led to Remus' room. Across the hall from that room was the room Ron and Harry had shared when they were staying there. The room next to that was the room she had taken over.

She opened the door and was directing her trunk into the room when she heard a door creak open behind her. Habit had her looking over her shoulder. The trunk fell with a crash when her concentration was broken.

Her eyes locked with Remus'. His hair was tousled and sticking out in several different directions as though he had been running his hands through it repeatedly. His eyes were heavy-lidded and his cheeks flushed. Her eyes widened and her stomach clenched with nerves.

"Uh, Tonks," he murmured, running his hands through his hair. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you. How're you?"

He nodded slowly, looking uncomfortable. "Fine. Thanks. Do, uh, do you need any help?"

"No, thank you."

The two of them stood in awkward silence. Tonks hated feeling like this. She wanted him to talk, to tell her what he was thinking, what he was feeling. But at the same time she was afraid of what he would tell her.

He slowly stepped out into the hallway, shutting his door behind him. "If…if you need anything, please ask."

"I will. Thank you." Tonks hurried into her room, slamming the door behind her.

_Coward!_ A voice screamed inside Remus' head.

He stood in the hallway and pounded a fist against his forehead. How could he treat her like that? She deserved so much better. He had to put an end to this right now. If they were going to live under the same roof, they had to find a way to live together.

Taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders, Remus walked to her door and knocked lightly. _This is for the best_, he thought.

The door opened and she looked up at him. Dark circles marked her eyes and her shoulders were slumped in a position of defeat and exhaustion.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?" He asked quietly.

She nodded and stepped aside to let him in.

He noticed the trunk was open and she had already started sorting the clothes. "How bad is it?"

"I, uh, I just started. I grabbed the stuff that looked salvageable." She hoped she sounded steadier than she felt.

Remus picked up a blouse and saw the right sleeve was almost completely torn off. "This should be easy enough to fix."

"Yeah, I was never all that good with sewing spells, but I figure anything I have trouble with, Molly can help me."

He pulled his wand out of his pocket and pointed it to the tear. Murmuring the spell, he watched as the sleeve reattached itself. "Or you could just ask me," he said, handing her the repaired blouse.

"Is there anything you can't do?" She asked, half amused, half impressed.

"Tonks, about…about what happened this afternoon…"

She didn't look at him as he struggled to talk. "Yes?"

Remus wished she would stop digging through her trunk and look at him. "I think it would be…best for both of us if we didn't allow that to happen again."

"What do you mean?" She asked, hoping he didn't notice the tremor in her voice.

"It was an emotional moment and I…I think we both got caught up. It…it was a mistake."

Tonks tensed. The meaning of his words hit her with a jolt of pain. "A mistake?"

"Tonks." He reached out and took her arm. "I would like to be your friend, but that is all I can be."

Her heart raced and tears stung her eyes, but she looked him in the eye. "I agree. We'll be great friends."

"Tonks."

"Yes?"

He hesitated, unsure how to proceed. "You're a good person."

"Thank you. So are you." She bit her lip and turned away. "Thank you for all your help today."

"You're welcome. If there is anything else I can do, don't hesitate to ask."

_You could throw this friendship shit out the window and finish what we started earlier_, she thought. But instead she nodded and pasted a fake smile on her face. "I will, thank you. If you don't mind, I'm going to turn in for the night."

"Of course." Remus took a step back toward the door. He hesitated, wanting to say something else, but not sure what. "Good night."

Tonks shut the door behind him and rested her forehead against the door. She couldn't stop the tears that fell, but she swore it would be the last time she shed a tear for Remus Lupin.

* * *

Work kept both Tonks and Remus busy over the next several days. They might pass each other in the hallway or share a quick meal, but they hadn't spoken since the night she moved in. Sirius had noticed the tension and found it amusing. It was like watching a complicated game. And he never missed an opportunity to pick on his closest mate. Then one evening, a few nights before the full moon, Sirius watched with a smile as the latest round began. 

With the full moon just around the corner, Remus was feeling rather worn down. He and Sirius were playing chess in the parlor. Clouds moved in signaling a coming storm and a fire crackled in the fireplace, fighting off the chill of the early autumn evening.

"Where's Tonks?" Sirius asked conversationally. "I know she got home from the Ministry a while ago."

Remus shrugged as he studied the board. He had been wondering the same thing but hadn't said it out loud.

"We haven't seen much of her lately."

"I guess she's been busy with work and looking for a new flat."

Sirius propped his chin on his fist. "I hope she isn't in a hurry to go. I like having her around, don't you?"

Remus hesitated a moment before responding. "Of course I do."

Both men looked up at the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. Sirius let out a low whistle and slid his gaze to Remus who was staring openly, unabashedly. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes wide.

Tonks grinned at them and twirled around in front of them. "What'd you think?"

Her hair was a vibrant red and stood in short spikes. She wore a dress of purple so dark it was almost black. It clung to her like a second skin with a skirt that fell a good three inches above her knee and a neckline that showed off her attributes, which were helped by a new push-up bra. Her feet were strapped into a pair of shoes with three inch black heels and the only jewelry she wore were a pair of gold dangle earrings and a simple gold bangle bracelet.

Remus snapped his mouth shut and swallowed hard. His heart thundered in his chest and instantaneous lust shot through him. She exuded raw sexuality and it was driving him out of his mind.

"Wow, Nymph." Sirius stood, grinning. "You look amazing. What's the occasion? I know you're not dressed like that to spend the evening playing chess with us."

"Too right, Sirius, and don't call me Nymph." She had noticed Remus' reaction and couldn't help being pleased by it. But she turned her attention to her cousin as she tucked a tissue into the tiny purse she held. "You remember me telling you about the takedown I helped with in Hogsmeade? Well, my partner, Paul, and I decided to celebrate. We got the night off and we're getting together with some others from the Ministry. We're having a Muggle night out. We got some Muggle money and we're going to hit some bars in London."

"That sounds like fun," Sirius said wistfully.

Tonks smiled sympathetically and patted his cheek. "As soon as you're free to leave, I'm taking you out for a night on the town."

Remus stood as she pulled a coat on. Jealousy, irritation, and lust waged a war inside him and it left him feeling irrationally angry. "Be careful, Tonks, don't drink too much, watch what you say."

She scowled at him. "I am not a child, Remus, I promise to not give away the secrets of the Order or where I'm staying."

"I'm just looking out for you."

"I don't need you to look out for me!"

"There's no need to yell!"

"You're not my father so stop acting like it!"

"I'm sure you're father wouldn't approve of you going out like that!"

"What wrong with what I'm wearing? It's all the rage in Muggle London!"

"Dressing like a tramp is popular?" The second the words left his mouth, he regretted them.

Tonks gasped as her face colored bright red and her eyes darkened.

Sirius took a step back and watched with interest.

"Tonks, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I was totally out of line." Remus apologized, stepping toward her.

"Fuck you, Remus." With that, she twirled around and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

Sirius continued to stare, open mouthed, at his friend while his mother screamed insults and profanities.

Remus lowered his head and sighed.

"Moony."

"Shut your mother up," Remus grumbled before storming up the stairs and into his room.

* * *

Tonks just could not enjoy herself. She and her friends hit three bars, but she didn't drink, offering to be the designated sober for the night, making sure everyone got home safely. She couldn't stop thinking about Remus and what he had said. She wanted to cry, but she kept her vow. He would never again have the power over her to make her cry. It hurt. A lot more than she wanted to admit. 

"You're very quiet tonight, Tonks," Paul shouted over the loud music. "What's up?"

She flashed him a smile. "Just wondering how I'm going to drag your drunk arse home!"

He winked at her and took another swig of beer. "Don't worry, I'll let you have your way with me."

Tonks rolled her eyes. She knew Paul Dunne had a thing for her, but she had made it quite clear that she thought of him only as a friend. That thought brought a sigh from her. _That's how Remus sees me_, she thought. _I wonder if I hurt Paul as much as Remus hurt me?_ But then there wasn't the tension between her and Paul as there was between her and Remus.

"Tonks!"

She turned to her tipsy friend, Frannie. "Frannie!"

The blonde witch leaned closer to Tonks and teased, "Are you going home with Paul?"

Tonks shook her head. "We're just friends."

"He's cute."

"Do you want me to set you up with him?"

Frannie chewed on her lower lip. "You think I have a chance with him?"

"We can try it."

"We need to get you a man," Frannie slurred.

"I don't need a man."

"Sure you do."

"Why don't you ask Paul to dance?" Tonks suggested.

"Maybe I will." Walking unsteadily, Frannie walked up to Paul and leaned over to talk to him.

It was nearly one in the morning when Tonks apparated in front of 12 Grimmauld Place. Rain was falling in a steady drizzle, leaving her cold, miserable, and lonely. Altogether, seven of them had spent the evening bar hopping, but she was the only one to go home alone.

The fire was still burning in the front parlor as Tonks tiptoed inside. She didn't want to see Remus and she planned on sneaking up to her room undetected. But after a night of careful walking on ridiculously high heels, she tripped over the carpet in the front hall.

"I do believe I hear Tonks," Sirius said as he walked into the hallway.

She sat up and pulled her shoes off. "Shut up, Sirius."

"You look like you've had a rough night."

"I had fun."

"Nymph."

"Sirius."

"Come have a drink with me."

She continued to sit on the floor, glaring at the dusty old rug.

"Remus went to bed right after you left and I haven't seen him since."

She held her hand up and Sirius hauled her to her feet. "I could use a drink. Something strong."

"Go have a seat, I'll get the firewhiskey."

Tonks was curled up on the couch, rubbing the cramps out of her feet, when Sirius came back carrying the bottle of liquor and two goblets.

"How was your evening?" He asked, handing her a goblet and sitting beside her.

"It was nice. I hadn't seen most of my friends in a while. It was nice to get out and just have fun again."

"He didn't mean it, you know."

"I know," she sighed and stretched her legs out, wiggling her toes. "But it still hurt."

"If I know Moony, he's been upstairs all night beating himself up over it."

"Then he shouldn't have said it."

"No, he shouldn't have."

Tonks took a long drink and reveled in the slow burn it caused. "Then why did he?"

"He was jealous."

She snorted.

"Well, let's see, you come in here, dressed to impress and you're going out with another man. He was jealous."

She downed the last of her drink and held the goblet out for him to refill. "Remus and I are just friends, he has made that perfectly clear."

"You're not that stupid."

"Apparently I am."

Sirius watched as his cousin drowned her sorrows. "He wants you so badly it's eating him up inside."

Tonks snorted again.

"I mean it."

"Then why won't he act on it?"

"Remus is the best guy I know," Sirius said, throwing his arm around her shoulders. "He's an honorable man, too honorable. He thinks he is too old, too poor, and too dangerous for you. For anyone. He is afraid to get close to people for fear of hurting them."

"He is hurting me," she admitted quietly.

"He has convinced himself that he isn't worthy of a relationship or love."

"I just don't understand."

"Neither do I," Sirius sighed.

"Sirius?"

"What?"

"I'm in love with him."

"I know."

She sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "Why does it have to hurt so much?"

"I don't know, Nymph."

Throwing back the rest of her firewhiskey, she grabbed the bottle to top off her goblet a third time.

Sirius took the bottle from her. "I think you've had enough."

"Don't you start with that crap. I'm an adult. We're in the middle of a war, I was almost hit with several curses yesterday and I could have died, I am in love with a man who won't have me. If I want to get stinking drunk, then I will."

He looked at her wet eyes and trembling lip and nodded. "You're going to regret this in the morning."

"Maybe I will, but that's my problem."

"Remus knows a thing or two about sobering charms."

"Oh, Remus knows _everything_," she snapped sarcastically. "He's perfect. He can do anything. He can go fuck himself."

Sirius chuckled. "You're very entertaining when you're drunk."

"Maybe I should do it more often."

"Maybe you should."

She threw her arms around his neck, sloshing a bit of her drink on the back of the sofa. "I just love you, Sirius Black. You're a good friend."

A little surprised by her sudden change in behavior, Sirius slowly returned her hug. "You're a good friend too, Nymph."

"Do you love me?"

He released her and ruffled her hair. "Like the little sister I never had."

"Then will you act like a real big brother and go beat up Remus?"

Sirius threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, Nymph, I am not getting involved, I'm just sitting back and watching the show. If you want him beaten up, you'll have to do it yourself."

"I think I will." She set her half empty goblet down on the table and stood on unsteady feet.

Sirius took her hand and yanked her back down on the couch. "You will not. Tomorrow, both of you will wake up feeling like crap and things will be even more awkward and tense around here. Don't make it worse by punching him."

Tonks lifted the goblet and chugged the last of the firewhiskey. "I really don't like this dress, it is very uncomfortable."

"Then why are you wearing it?"

"To make Remus jealous."

"Mission accomplished."

She stared into the empty cup and sighed. "Maybe next time I'll strut around in my knickers."

"That would go beyond jealousy and send him to an early grave."

She held the goblet out toward him. "Top me off, Siri. Right now I'm just tipsy enough to want to go upstairs and punch him. I need another drink to calm me down."

"This is your last one, you're cut off."

"You know what, Sirius?"

"What?"

"I promised myself that I would never again let Remus J. Lupin make me cry."

"He's made you cry?" Sirius asked quietly.

"After he kissed me, and, boy oh boy, was it ever a kiss. He told me he just wanted to be friends."

"He kissed you?"

"Yeah, when he was at my flat with me. It was the most amazing kiss I had ever had. Then he tells me he just wants to be friends. Jerk." She swiped the back of her hand over her eyes, smearing her eye makeup.

"I didn't know that happened."

"It did. And I promised myself I wouldn't cry over him ever again, I won't give him that kind of power over me. But he has that power over me, Sirius, and I just want to cry."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. "Maybe I will go beat him up for you."

She sniffled. "Prat."

"Yeah."

"I'm a good catch."

"You're a great catch."

"I could make him happy."

"I'm sure you can."

"I'm good in bed."

Sirius choked on his drink. "Way too much information, Nymph."

She slammed her goblet on the table and pushed herself to her feet. "I am going to go to bed and cry myself to sleep."

Sirius stood and took her arm to steady her. "Watch your step. Let me help you."

"Thank you, Siri, I love you." She pressed a loud, smacking kiss on his cheek.

"Love you too, Nymph." He couldn't help but smile as he wrapped his arm around her waist to steer her up the stairs.

The made it to the top of the stairs just as Remus was leaving the bathroom. All three of them froze. Remus stared at Tonks with her smeared makeup, swollen nose, and wrinkled dress. Sirius watched his friend as Remus' expression softened and he took a step toward Tonks. She glared at Remus, her eyes narrowing.

"Did…did you have a good night?" Remus asked weakly.

Tonks shook off Sirius' arm and weaved her way to Remus. Without a word, she took his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his.

Remus stood completely still, his hands fisted at his sides as she assaulted him. Her scent and taste invaded his senses and left him feeling dizzy and lightheaded. It took every ounce of self control he had honed over the years to not drag her into his room and have his way with her.

She released him and stepped back, tears in her eyes. "That could've been yours."

Remus watched in shocked silence as she stumbled into her room and shut the door behind her.

Sirius shook his head. "You've made a right mess of everything, mate."


	9. Chapter 9

Tonks felt the room spinning even before she opened her eyes. Her head pounded and her mouth was so dry she felt as though she had been sucking on cotton balls all night.

For several moments, she laid still and tried to make the bed stop moving. For those blissful moments, she had forgotten what had put her in this position.

"Oh, damn, damn, damn!" She groaned, clutching her head. "Please tell me I didn't do that."

Of course no one responded.

Tonks pushed herself up to a sitting position and rubbed her eyes. Her head was spinning in the opposite direction the room was moving and she squeezed her eyes shut. Forcing down the nausea, she took three deep breaths and tried to get control of her situation.

Memories of the night before washed over her and she groaned again.

"Please tell me I didn't kiss Remus," she asked the quiet room. "I can't believe I did that."

Realizing that this was a very sensitive situation, Tonks did the only thing she knew would help.

She laid back down and pulled the old blanket up over her head.

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't convince her mind to allow her to slip back into the blissful ignorance of sleep. An overwhelming need for water had her slowly rising from the bed.

Downstairs, Remus and Sirius sat at the kitchen table. Sirius was plowing his way through a pile of eggs, sausage, and biscuits, not realizing his friend was about to drop a bombshell on him.

"I'm, uh, I'm going to go tonight," Remus said.

Sirius looked across the table at him and tried not smile. "Where are you going?"

"I figure it wouldn't be very safe for me to transform here when there's a guest…"

"You mean Tonks?"

Remus ignored the interruption. "And so I'll go to the Shrieking Shack."

Sirius leaned forward. "What are you running away for?"

"I'm not, I'm just thinking about her safety."

"Moony, if you take the Wolfsbane and stay in your room, you're not a threat."

"I'd rather not chance it."

"If this is about last night, she was drunk, she didn't know what she was doing."

Remus rubbed his hand over his face. It hadn't been an easy night for him, he had tossed and turned all night with visions of Tonks in her tight dress and tasting her on his lips. She had wakened something that had been asleep within him for so long. After years of self-imposed celibacy and loneliness, he wasn't sure he could handle someone like Nymphadora Tonks.

"Come on, Moony, this is your home now," Sirius said.

"I know, Padfoot, and I appreciate it."

"Talk to me."

Remus stared down at the uneaten eggs on his plate. He had no appetite. Hadn't had one since Tonks had moved in. "What about?"

"About Tonks."

"What about her?"

"Come on, Remus, I know you better than you know yourself. I know you have feelings for her."

"She's a great girl."

"She told me you kissed her."

Color flooded Remus' cheeks.

Sirius studied his friend a moment. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"What's the worst that can happen? I'm a werewolf, Sirius!"

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed."

"I'm serious."

"No, I'm Sirius, and you're a moron."

Remus stood and carried his plate to the sink. "I appreciate your hospitality, Sirius, but I will be finding a new place to stay."

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. I haven't seen you like this before. You're in love with her and so you're running away."

"Mind your own business, Sirius."

"I don't understand what your problem is."

"My problem?" He whirled around to face his friend. "Well, let's see. I'm thirteen years older than her, I have nothing, no money, no home, no job, and there was something else…oh yeah! I'm a werewolf!"

"She doesn't care about any of that."

"I do."

"Shouldn't you talk about that with her? Shouldn't she have a say in this?"

"It isn't like that."

Sirius stood and walked over to Remus. "Maybe you should talk to her about it."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"What if…" Sirius was interrupted by a crash in the hallway followed by his mother shouting and Tonks cursing loudly. "Just give her a chance," he said before leaving the kitchen to help his cousin.

Tonks sat on the bottom step, clutching her head and groaning.

"Rough morning?" Sirius asked as he pulled the curtains shut over his mother's portrait.

"You have no idea," she grumbled.

He took her hands and hauled her to her feet. "Come on, let's go see what we have for a hangover."

"How about a gun."

"Hey, I tried to warn you."

"Now is not the time to rub it in."

Remus had finished washing and was putting away his dish and mug when they walked in. He turned, saw Tonks and fought the urge to smile sympathetically. Her red hair stuck out in untidy spikes, her face was pale, and her eyes were swollen. "Good morning, Tonks, how are you?"

"How do you think I am," she muttered, avoiding his gaze.

"Nymph is a little hungover," Sirius said as he put a kettle on to heat up.

"I can tell." Remus began digging through the cupboards. "James and Sirius discovered firewhiskey in our fifth year. Over the years, I learned how best to deal with hangovers."

Tonks lifted her head and watched as he stirred a white powder into a hot cup of tea. "What is that?"

"Trust him," Sirius said. "He knows what he's talking about. James drank away many a bad memory of Lily turning him down."

"And you never let him drink alone," Remus added as he set the cup in front of her. "When you're up to it, you'll want to eat something as well."

She sniffed the tea and wrinkled her nose. It certainly didn't smell appetizing.

"Sip it, Nymph, trust me," Sirius said with a smile as he sat beside her.

"There are still some eggs on the stove, they'll keep warm," Remus said as he put away the small pouch containing the white powder in a cupboard near the sink.

"Are you going somewhere?" Sirius asked, glancing at Tonks who had yet to lift her head.

"Yes, I told Albus I would take care of something for him."

"Are you coming back?"

"Later. Good bye, Tonks."

She waved half-heartedly, barely hearing him over the loud pounding in her head. "Bye."

Remus nodded to his friend and left.

Sirius sat down across from his cousin and watched as she sipped her tea. "Feeling any better?"

"No."

"Want something to eat?"

"No."

"Remus won't be back for a couple of days."

That caught her attention. "Where's he going?"

"The full moon is tomorrow night, he's going to hide out."

"Oh."

"Are you going in to work today?"

"I'm on call."

Sirius grinned. "Good, then you can spend today entertaining me."

* * *

Life at 12 Grimmauld Place became even more strained and stressful for Tonks. When she wasn't working for the Ministry, she was helping with the Order. It was both exciting and exhausting. There were times she felt like she was in an old-fashioned movie, living a double life, acting as a double agent. But it was all very tiring.

Sirius was down again. He had almost been caught when talking to Harry, Hermione, and Ron in the fireplace. And word had reached them that Umbridge was policing the fireplaces at the school, not to mention the suspicion that she was reading students' mail, he was having a difficult time contacting his godson.

Combine all that with the way Remus was obviously avoiding her and Tonks was beginning feel a bit down herself.

After the last full moon, he returned and went to his room to rest. The next morning he was up and gone before she was awake. It went on like this for several weeks. They both were busy with the Order and quite often on duty at different times. And even though the last time she had seen him she had been angry with him, Tonks realized she missed him. A lot. She missed the easy conversations they used to have and his calming presence. She missed his kindness and dry sense of humor and patience, his kind eyes, genuine smile, and handsome face. She missed him.

"Got to get over that," she muttered to her reflection. "I'm sure he's not thinking about me."

"Who, dear?" Her mirror asked.

Tonks shrugged, attempting to get her pink spikes to stick up just as she wanted them to. "Someone who has no interest in me."

"Then he doesn't know what he's missing."

She grinned. "Thanks."

Sirius was upstairs looking for Kreatcher when Tonks left her room. She heard his footsteps in the attic as he called for the house-elf. Down in the kitchen, Tonks made herself a quick breakfast of toast and tea. She had been on duty until midnight last night and she had to get up early to go into the Ministry so she just didn't feel like doing any real cooking.

"Good morning."

The hoarse whisper had her jumping and spilling tea on her robes. Swearing under her breath, Tonks turned to see Remus entering the kitchen. The full moon had been two nights before and he still appeared pale and tired. "Could you not sneak up on me, please?"

He smiled apologetically. "Sorry about that, I'll try and make more noise."

"I forgot you still lived here," she snapped, trying to clean up her robes.

"Yeah, I've been rather busy. Is that all you're having to eat?"

"I have to get to work and, well, I'm not exactly the best cook." She wasn't sure why she was feeling so cranky when he was being very polite to her. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed a little pride. "I apologize for snapping at you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Tonks, and we're all allowed to be snappy from time to time. Have a seat." He took down a couple pans and began pulling out eggs and bacon. "With all we have to do, you need to keep your strength up."

"You don't need to make me breakfast."

"I was going to make it for myself, so what's the difference if I add an extra egg?"

"You're a very nice man, Remus," she sighed, almost wistfully, as she sat at the table.

He tensed a moment, noticing her tone, but he chose to pretend he hadn't. "How did things go last night?"

"Fine. Nothing much happened."

"In this case, that's good."

"What about you?" She asked as he set a plate down in front of her.

"What about me?"

"Just wondering how you're doing with your work."

"Fine," he told her, sitting down across from her with his own plate. "Still no help from the werewolves underground. But I was helping Emmeline last night look into a report of some spies in Hogsmeade."

"What did you do?"

"We went to the Hogs Head and had a few drinks."

"Sounds like a date," Tonks said, teasingly.

He laughed. "Not quite. We were watching for suspicious behavior. In fact, we were only there for an hour before someone recognized me and I was asked to leave."

Her heart sank and she felt so sorry for him. "That really sucks."

Remus looked up and met her eyes with his own. "Yeah, it does."

"Do you get that a lot?"

He shrugged. "I try to keep a low profile so it doesn't, but very few people feel comfortable having a werewolf around."

"That can't be easy."

"You get used to it."

"You'll have to start taking your dates to the cinema where no one can spot you in the dark."

Remus laughed. "I don't think I've been to see a film since the summer Sirius, James, and I went on a lark, just to see what it was about."

"Really? What movie did you see?"

"Oh, I can't remember, it's been a long time."

"Yeah, I haven't gone to see a movie in a long time. My father used to take me when I was growing up."

"Maybe we should go see a film," Remus suggested lightly.

"Why, Remus, are you asking me on a date?"

He flushed. "I wouldn't exactly call it a date. I don't date."

"Why not?"

"Because…I never seemed to have much luck with it."

"Maybe you just haven't found the right woman."

"There is no woman alive who wants to take a werewolf home to meet Mum and Dad."

"That's a rather broad statement."

"No, it's a rather true statement."

"Remus, you're a good man, you're good-looking and smart. There is no reason why you couldn't get a date."

"No, there are three very good reasons why I can't get a date."

"And they are?"

He held up his hand and ticked off each reason on his fingers. "I'm old, I'm poor, and I'm a werewolf."

Tonks shook her head. "You are not old, there are more important things in life than money, and as for being a werewolf, you have that under control."

"The rest of the world doesn't see it that way," he said, standing to carry his plates to the sink.

She stood as well, following him with her half-eaten meal. "You worry too much about what other people think."

He turned, surprised to see her standing so close. "And you don't worry enough about what's good for you."

"Everyone seems to think they know what's best for me, Sirius, you, Paul. But none of you think to ask me what _I_ think is best for me."

"And…and what do you think is best for you?" Remus asked quietly.

Tonks lost her nerve. As he stood so close she could smell the soap he used, she found she was unable to speak. She slowly licked her lips and noticed how his eyes shifted down to her mouth.

Fighting back the urge to do what he wanted to, Remus took her plate and abruptly turned his back to her.

"Remus." His name came out in a strained whisper as she tried to tell him what she was feeling.

He took a deep breath and left a sponge to cleanse the plates. Turning slowly, he faced her and spoke carefully, sternly. "Tonks, you are a pretty, young woman with the whole world open to you. Don't…don't settle for less than what you could have."

"I don't plan to," she assured him quietly, taking a step closer.

"Tonks," he croaked out her name as he took a step back, hitting the edge of the sink.

"Have you noticed," she said, taking another step closer. "That whenever you and I are alone together, we end up in a situation like this. What do you think that means?"

"That we shouldn't be left alone."

"Remus."

"Nymphadora."

"Don't call me that."

"Bloody hell," he groaned, closing the distance between them. His hand slid up her neck and into the surprisingly soft spikes of hair on the back of her head.

She leaned closer, her hands laying gently on his chest as their lips met. A moan came from deep within her as she felt his tongue touch her lips and she opened them to allow him entrance. Her hands slid up and around his neck, pressing her body tightly to his as his arm snaked around her waist.

"Well, it's about bloody time!"

They jumped apart at the sound of Sirius' exclamation. Tonks whirled around to glare at her cousin as Remus mumbled some weak apology and slipped past her, acting as though he couldn't get out of the kitchen fast enough.

"Moony!" Sirius called after his friend.

"Damn it, Sirius," Tonks snapped.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know you were going to be snogging in here? I would suggest that from now on, you use the privacy of one of your rooms." He replied lightly, crossing over to the stove. "Glad to see you finally broke down the wall he put up. When's the wedding?"

"You can be a real berk, you know that?" Tonks muttered as she left.

* * *

It was a particularly cold day in early December when Tonks found a new flat. As far as she was concerned, she couldn't get out of Sirius' house soon enough. She enjoyed living with Sirius and had a good time getting to know him again. But the fact was that she couldn't be so close to Remus all the time and not be allowed to act on her feelings.

In the weeks after their last encounter in the kitchen, Remus had somehow found even more places to go outside the house. She would go a week at a time without seeing him and it was killing her.

There was so much work to do and with Christmas coming and her mother nagging her to come home, it was just becoming too much.

"Can't you wait until after Christmas?" Sirius whined as he stood in the doorway to her room, watching her pack her trunk.

"No. It's a good place and I can afford it, but I have to take it now."

"Is it safe?"

"It's in a much nicer neighborhood than my last one and Kingsley and Mad-Eye said they'd both stop by to double check my wards."

"You'll still come and visit, won't you?"

She slammed her trunk shut and locked it before turning to him with a smile. "Of course I will. I've gotten too used to eating the good food here."

He smirked. "Do you need help?"

"Nah, I'll be able to apparate there and Paul and Frannie said they'd help me get my furniture out of storage and into my new place."

"I wish I could see it."

"Are you kidding?" She asked, levitating her trunk. "As soon as you're free to come, we'll have the biggest party you could ever imagine."

"Will Remus be invited?"

She snorted. "If he can stand the sight of me."

"You know that isn't what the problem is."

"I know."

Sirius gave her a quick hug. "Don't be a stranger, Nymph."

"I won't," she whispered around the lump that formed in her throat. "Thank you, Sirius, for everything."

"Any time, Nymph, any time."

Paul was waiting for her outside the building that housed her new flat when she arrived.

"You're late," he teased.

"I know." She wiped her nose on her sleeve. "My cousin didn't make it easy for me to leave. Where's Frannie?"

"She, uh, she couldn't make it."

"You broke up with her, didn't you?"

He shrugged.

She sighed. "Come on, let's get this place set up so we can hit the clubs and get you a new girl."

"Tonks…"

"We have work to do," she interrupted, afraid of where the conversation was going to go if she didn't stop it.

Paul helped her carry her trunk into the building and from there she levitated it up to the second floor flat. It was a little bigger than her last one and it had a fireplace, which she needed. But the selling point had been the bathroom with its clawed-foot bathtub that made her want to live there. With visions of a long, hot bubble bath she put her whole spirit into apparating her furniture and belongings from storage to her new flat. Paul was a huge help and for a few hours, she was able to think about something other than Remus Lupin as they arranged her furniture.

"This place is great," he declared, falling back onto the orange sofa. "What are you making for supper?"

"Excuse me?" She asked, setting a framed picture of her parents on the mantle.

"I just spent five hours helping you move into your new flat, you owe me food."

"I thought you were doing it out of the kindness of your heart."

"You thought wrong."

"Give me ten minutes and we'll go find some food."

"You paying?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're quite the gentleman. Of course I'll pay."

"You expecting company?" Paul asked when there was a knock on the door.

"No." She looked nervously the door. The only people who knew she had moved there were the members of the Order, her parents, and Paul.

Wand in hand, Paul went to the door. "Who is it?"

After a moment's hesitation, a voice called out. "I'm sorry, I'm looking for Nymphadora Tonks."

Tonks' mouth fell open when she recognized the voice.

Paul looked at her and waited for her to nod before he slowly opened the door. "This is her place. Oh, hi, Remus Lupin, right?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, Paul?"

"Yeah, Paul Dunne. Come on in."

Moving cautiously, Remus entered, looking nervous. He held a small gift bag in his hand.

"What, uh, what are you doing here?" Tonks asked, obviously surprised.

He glanced at Paul before explaining, "Your cousin told me where you moved to and I thought I would stop by. Is this a bad time?"

"No, we just finished moving all the furniture in and I was unpacking a few bits and pieces. I'm sorry I don't have any tea or anything to offer, I haven't moved on to the kitchen yet."

"Don't worry about it, I just wanted to say hello and drop off a housewarming gift."

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's just a little something," he said, setting the bag on one of the mismatched end tables. "I hope you'll continue to stop by and visit."

"Of course, I told S-," she caught herself before saying his name in front of Paul. "I told him I would stop by, especially for meals."

Remus smiled. "If you need anything, please let me know."

"I will, thank you."

He turned to her friend. "Paul, it was nice seeing you again."

"You too, Remus, take care."

The two men shook hands and he left.

Tonks was left standing in her new living room, shaking, and suddenly wishing Paul would leave.

"You okay, Tonks?"

"What? Oh, uh, yeah. You know what, I'm not really hungry, can I get a rain check on taking you out for dinner?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Did I just miss something?"

"No, I'm just very tired."

"Oh, sure, Tonks, not a problem."

She walked him to the door and hugged him. "Thanks for all your help."

"No problem, if you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me."

"I do and the same goes for you. Thanks, Paul."

He left reluctantly and as soon as the door was shut, she locked and sealed it. Turning, she faced her new, empty flat.

_Maybe I'm not ready to be alone_, she thought as her eyes settled on the bag Remus had left.

A small card attached to the handle read:

**Tonks,**

**Congratulations on your new home.**

**Yours,**

**Remus**

Nestled inside, wrapped in tissue paper was a potion bottle, green with a round bottom and a tall tapered top. Small birds were etched all over it and when she turned it over it was stamped with the words "Made In Scotland".

Confused, frustrated, tired tears welled up in her eyes as she set the bottle on the mantle beside her parent's photograph.


	10. Chapter 10

Hi all,

I wanted to thank you all for your awesome reviews, they really mean a lot to me. I am really on a roll right now, I can't seem to stop writing, but I can't promise that I will be able to update this quickly all the time, but I will do my best.

Thank you!  
Failte

* * *

Tonks couldn't help but hum as she made her way through the shoppers in Diagon Alley.

She had woken that morning with the sudden realization that it was only two weeks until Christmas and she hadn't even started her shopping. It was an annual ritual for her to set aside one day to go shopping all by herself, she had learned long ago that there was nothing more frustrating than finding the perfect gift for someone, but not being able to buy it because that person was with her.

This year she had added a few more names to her list, the Weasleys, Harry, Hermione, Sirius, and Remus. She had also signed up for the Secret Santa in the auror's office and she had picked Paul Dunne's name. Part of her was convinced that he had rigged it so she picked him, but she couldn't prove it.

It was very cold and flurries were swirling down from a grey sky, but none of that bothered Tonks. She was all but skipping past the stores, not noticing the weight of the bags she was carrying. After visiting Gambol & Japes, where she had picked up a couple of tricks for the twins, she had stopped in the stationary store and picked up new quills for Ginny and Hermione, a lovely blue robe for her mother at Madam Malkin's, and a working model of a Firebolt for Harry. Stopping outside Flourish & Blotts, she checked her list.

"I'll have to go to Hogsmeade next," she muttered to herself.

She looked up at the window she stood beside and smiled. Flourish & Blotts had decorated their window with Christmas books surrounded by twinkling lights and what appeared to be a house-elf dressed as Father Christmas.

The warmth of the bookstore embraced her as she entered. It was pleasantly crowded with eager shoppers full of the holiday spirit. She weaved through them and stopped in front of a shelf of books on history, the perfect place to find a gift for her father. From there she went to a small back corner where the old and used books were kept. With luck still on her side, she found a gift for Arthur Weasley in an old muggle book called _Understanding Electricity: Do-It-Yourself Wiring._

"Molly's going to kill me," she said happily as she slipped the book into her basket.

She hesitated a moment and looked around the store. Tonks had a great talent for finding the perfect gifts for her friends and family and she had been on a roll all day. But then she had no idea what to get Remus. As she looked around the bookstore, it seemed the perfect place to get the former professor's gift, however that didn't seem right to her. She continued to wander through the aisles, but nothing jumped out at her.

The line to check out was quite long by the time she joined, but no one seemed to mind. It was still early enough that shoppers weren't bad tempered or impatient yet. A wireless had been set up by the register and was playing Christmas carols, a few people had actually joined in, singing along.

"Hello, Tonks."

She whirled around, surprised to see Remus standing behind her. With the full moon almost three weeks away, he was looking good, healthy. He had recently gotten a haircut and his eyes sparkled. Around his neck was an old, thread worn scarf. "Remus, hi, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you. And you?"

"Oh, I am fantastic. I just love Christmas shopping. What do you think, will Arthur like this?" She asked, holding up the book she had found.

He smiled. "Arthur will love, Molly on the other hand…"

"I know, but I figure that as long as he just reads it and doesn't try to wire the Burrow, she can't get too mad with me."

"True. I see you're having a very successful shopping day."

Tonks hefted her bags. "Yup, I don't have much to do now. What are you doing here?"

"Picking up a present for Harry." He lowered his voice and leaned closer to her. "Sirius and I wanted to get him something special, something he could really use."

Looking down, Tonks picked up the first book in the stack he carried. It was titled _Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use Against the Dark Arts: Vol. I_.

"This is fantastic," she said, flipping through it. "He'll totally flip out over this."

"We hope so."

"Check out what I found for him." She set the book back on his stack and set her basket on the floor. After digging through two bags, she let out a triumphant cry and held out a box for him to see. "I found it at Quality Quidditch Supplies, I know it isn't quite the same as the real thing, but it looks like fun."

Remus took the small model and studied the box. "He'll love it."

"Next!"

Tonks quickly gathered up her things and stepped to the counter, tripping over her basket and dropping her bags. "Blast!" She groaned.

With a smile, Remus helped her up and set her basket on the counter for her.

"Thanks," she said, embarrassed.

"No problem." He watched as her purchases were rung up and she dug the money out of her wallet. It frightened him, how much he missed her. On the long day before and the day after his transformation, when he didn't have the strength to do much more than lie in bed, he would lay there thinking about her. What she was doing, where she was. Now that she had moved out, he only saw her at the Order meetings and that just wasn't enough.

"Next!"

Snapped out of his reverie, Remus stepped up to the counter and set down the books.

"Where are you going now?" Tonks asked as the witch behind the counter rang up his order.

"I was just going to go back home."

"I'm in the mood for ice cream, want to come? My treat."

He looked at her, an expression of utter disbelief on his face. "It's freezing cold outside."

"We won't eat outside, we'll eat in the parlor."

"I don't know, Tonks." He took his bag and thanked the witch. "I should head home."

"Oh, don't be such a prude. Come on, my treat and I'll send something home for my cousin."

He shrugged. "Okay, why not? But it's my treat."

"You don't have to."

"I know, but it's not often I get to share ice cream with a pretty witch, let me make the most of it."

Tonks smiled pleasantly, pleased with him and herself. "Well, since you put it that way, how can I resist?"

The two of them passed a pleasant two hours together, enjoying peppermint sundaes and visiting the Magical Menagerie. Remus carried her bags for her and watched while she played with and petted the cats in the Menagerie.

"That was fun, Remus, thank you for my sundae," she sighed as they returned to the Leaky Cauldron.

"It was my pleasure, Tonks."

She looked up at him and saw that he really meant that. And she wasn't quite ready to leave him yet. She swallowed hard and steeled herself for what his reply to her question might be. "Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Um, I, uh, I don't know if you know this, but the Ministry has a Christmas party every year and I was wondering, um, would you, uh, would you like to go with me?" He face burned a brilliant red as she stared at a spot over his shoulder.

"I would like to Tonks, really I would, but I don't think it would be a good idea."

That wasn't really the answer she was expecting. Her brow furrowed in confusion. "Why not?"

"Because many people at the Ministry know who I am and, well, with all the anti-werewolf regulations, I wouldn't exactly be welcome."

Angry frustration burned inside her. "Well then I won't go either! I won't associate with such close-minded…"

"Tonks," he spoke gently and laid his hand on her shoulder. "Don't. This is why I keep to myself, I don't want to bring anyone else down with me."

His meaning was not lost on her and her heart sank. "Not going to the Ministry Christmas party is not the end of the world. There is so much more you have to offer."

Uncomfortable with where this conversation was going, he shook he head and dropped his hand. "This has been a fun day, Tonks, let's not end it on a sour note."

She nodded slowly and pasted a smile on her face. "You're right, forget I said anything."

"Will you be stopping by the house sometime soon?"

"Are you inviting me to dinner?"

"Yes I am."

"Sunday night?"

He smiled and nodded. "Sounds good. See you then."

"Good bye, Remus."

"Bye, Tonks."

She watched him slip through the crowd in the Leaky Cauldron and disappear. Flipping her scarf over her shoulder, an idea struck and she knew what she had to get Remus for Christmas and there was only one person who could help her.

After dropping her bags off at her flat, Tonks apparated to the Burrow and knocked on the door.

There was the sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor, followed by Molly peeking through the curtain.

"Tonks! What are you doing here?" She asked, unlocking and opening the door. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, Molly. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time."

"Of course not, dear, come in, come in, it's freezing out there. What brings you here?"

Tonks followed her into the hall, removing her scarf and gloves. She suddenly felt silly at her spontaneous behavior. "I really am sorry for showing up unannounced, I just acted before I thought."

"Oh, don't think anything of it, dear. With Bill and Arthur at work and the children at school, I am so happy for the company. Come on, join me in the kitchen, I was doing some baking and trying to finish up Ronald's sweater. Have a seat, would you like some tea?"

Tonks sank onto the bench at the table. In the corner by the fireplace was a rocking chair next to a big basket of yarn, above which hovered two knitting needles working quickly on a maroon sweater. Wonderful aromas filled the kitchen as Molly took a tray of cookies from the oven and replaced it with a pie.

"Now then, dear, what can I do for you?" Molly asked, setting water on to boil.

"I know you're awfully busy, but I was hoping to ask you a favor."

"Of course, what is it?"

"Could you, uh, could you teach me to knit?"

"Of course, no problem. If you go into the parlor, there is a cupboard by the window full of my leftover yarn, go pick a color. What do you want to make?"

"A scarf."

"One ball should do. Go pick out a color."

Tonks did as she was told, amazed at how Molly could do so much at once without missing a beat. In the small cupboard, Tonks found several bits of yarn in every color imaginable. Digging deep, she found a deep shade of blue that caught her attention. When she returned to the kitchen, Molly was sitting in the rocking chair, poking through a large fabric bag.

"Any luck?"

"Yes, Molly, this is a nice color," Tonks said, holding up the ball of yarn.

"That's a lovely color. I made Arthur a sweater out of that last year, it's sturdy and soft. Pull up a chair. Who's this for?"

Feeling a blush creep into her cheeks, Tonks pulled a chair over. "Uh, Remus."

Molly nodded knowingly, but didn't comment as she pulled a pair of needles and a book out of her bag. "We'll start with an easy pattern, once you're comfortable with that, we can work on more complicated designs. However, I'm afraid, I won't be able to go into that with you until after Christmas, when I have a bit more time."

"I really appreciate you helping me with this," Tonks said. "I guess it was kind of rude of me to just show up here like this. We can do it another time if you'd like."

"Don't be silly, I enjoy the company. Our door is always open to you and I like keeping busy, it keeps my mind off worrying."

Tonks listened as Molly patiently explained how to start and stitch, showing how to wrap the yarn around her fingers and keep the tension right. After several false starts, Tonks was able to finish a row. She noticed that Molly's eyes frequently shifted to the clock that showed where her family members were. It was an obvious habit because she did it without missing a step or pausing in her conversation.

After a half hour, Molly got up to check on the pie in the oven while Tonks continued working on her scarf.

"What made you want to make a scarf for Remus?" Molly asked lightly.

"I saw him today and I couldn't help but notice he needed a new one."

"Why not just buy one?"

Tonks stopped in her knitting and thought about the question. "I guess…I guess I wanted to make him one."

"Remus is a good man. He was the best Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher they've ever had at Hogwarts. Oh, how I wish he could have stayed."

"Do you think werewolves will ever be seen as equals?"

Molly sighed as she set the pie on the counter to cool. "I doubt it. And it is a shame that someone like Remus can't get a job or live a normal life. But it's nearly impossible to change how society thinks."

"It is so frustrating. You know what I mean? I asked him to go to the Ministry's Christmas party with me, but he said he couldn't because his kind wouldn't be welcome there. How unfair is that?"

"You asked him to the Ministry's party?" Molly asked, surprised.

Tonks' hands froze, she hadn't meant to say anything. "Uh, yeah, I did."

Molly sat down in the rocking chair. "I didn't know you and Remus were seeing each other."

"We aren't. He keeps saying he's too old and poor and dangerous. It is so frustrating, Molly, I don't know what to do." Tonks slapped her yarn and needles on her lap as her lip trembled. "I don't care how old he is or if he has money, that doesn't matter to me. But he won't listen."

"Do you love him?" Molly asked quietly.

"I do, I really do. He's smart and kind, he never laughs at me for being clumsy, he has always treated me like an equal. He's easy to talk to and we always seem to have fun together. Not to mention he's very attractive. Remus has the kindest eyes and the sweetest smile."

Smiling softly, Molly laid her hand on Tonks'. "How does he feel about you?"

"I-I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"He…he cares for me, I really believe he does, but he won't act on it. He told me he didn't want me to settle for him. But I wouldn't be settling, it would be wonderful. It could be all I've ever wanted, but he's so stubborn about it. Why can't I make him understand that I don't care about his age or that he's a werewolf?"

"You've told him how you've felt?"

"Yes."

"You told him you love him?"

Tonks looked down and shook her head. "I can't tell him that. He won't accept my love."

"I've known Remus for many years, he is a good man, but he does have his faults. He has been shunned by society for so long and alone for even longer, you need to let him know he doesn't have to be alone. That will take patience and time. I've seen the way he looks at you. There are times when I think the two of you spend more time looking at each other than listening at the meetings."

Tonks whipped her head up. "We do not! I take my work with the Order very seriously."

Molly smiled. "I know you do, dear. As hard as it may be to open up to him, not knowing and speculating over how he might feel can be even more difficult."

Tonks chewed on her bottom lip, considering the advice Molly gave her.

"Oh, Bill's on his way home," Molly said, glancing at her clock. "Hopefully, Arthur will be coming soon. Would you like to stay for supper?"

"Oh, thank you, Molly, but no, I've taken up enough of your time." Tonks stood, clutching the small, uneven swatch she had knitted.

"Here, take this book with you, if you have any questions, feel free to ask."

"Thank you, for everything."

Molly smiled and gave her a tight hug. "Any time, dear. You are always welcome here and in this day and age, we need our friends and loved ones even more."

"You're right, thank you."

Molly ignored her protests and packed up a satchel of food, cookies, and snacks to take home with her. Loaded down with her knitting and food, she apparated to her apartment.

* * *

Almost a week later, Tonks sat in her flat, a fire roaring the fireplace and music coming from the wireless. There had been a nip in the air all day, but no snow had fallen. It had been a long day at work, three Death Eater sightings had sent the aurors all over London, but to no avail. She was on duty with the Order the following evening, so she decided to enjoy the free time she had right now.

After a long, hot bath, she settled on her sofa with a mug of hot chocolate and her knitting. She had been spending every free moment she could working on it. With just a week until Christmas, she was determined to finish the scarf. Knitting was more difficult than she had thought and was considering cheating with a charm, but decided against it. When Remus opened his present, she wanted it to be handmade by her. The scarf was a bit uneven, but she thought it had character. She wanted him to think of her every time he put it on.

She wasn't paying attention to the time, but when her eyes began to droop, she set the knitting aside. One of Molly's suggestions to her had been that she not try to work when her eyes were tired, that would only lead to stupid mistakes. Glancing at the clock on her mantle, Tonks saw that it was after midnight. She stood and stretched, taking her mug to the kitchen, stopping to shut off the wireless as she passed.

After cleaning out the mug and leaving it in the drainer, Tonks was about to retire to her room when she heard her fire popping loudly and a gruff voice call out to her.

"Tonks! You there!"

She hurried to the living room and saw Mad-Eye's head floating in her fire. Dropping to her knees in front of the fireplace, she gasped, "Mad-Eye, what are you doing here? Is everything all right?"

"No, everything is not all right. There was an incident. Arthur Weasley was on duty for the Order tonight and he was attacked by a giant snake."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Don't know yet. Apparently, Potter saw something in a dream and told Dumbledore. Potter and the Weasley kids are being sent to stay with Sirius."

"I should go."

"No, Dumbledore wants you to stay put for now. We don't have all the details, you and I will probably be needed to act as escorts tomorrow."

"What can I do?"

"Just stay put and do as you're told." Mad-Eye disappeared.

Tonks sat back in front of the fire, no longer tired. She hated feeling useless and helpless. Her heart went out to Molly and the children and what they must have been going through. And, as they often did, her thoughts went to Remus. She wished she could go to him, she didn't want to be alone and he was always the first one she thought of when she wished for company.

Wanting to keep near the fire, Tonks curled up on her sofa under an old quilt her father's mother had made for her when she was younger.

"Tonks!"

She jumped awake at the sound of Mad-Eye's voice. Sunlight poured in through the window as she pushed herself up. Moody's head was once again floating in her fireplace.

"Get up, girl, we have work to do!"

"Arthur?"

"He'll be fine. He's at St. Mungo's now and they say he should be fine. The children want to see him so Dumbledore asked me and you to go escort them to the hospital this afternoon, after lunch."

"Should I head over to Sirius' now?"

"No, we'll meet them there at 1:00 sharp."

She nodded. "See you then."

* * *

Tonks was in awe of the Weasley family. The way they came together, how close they were. How Arthur kept his spirits up after nearly dying, how Molly kept her cool and looked after the children, how the children looked out for each other. Somehow, they were still managing a happy Christmas.

Sirius was beside himself with happiness. The entire house was decorated and he was often heard sing Christmas carols, badly, as he moved throughout the house. She had helped a bit, hanging beards on the stuffed heads of the house-elves. She turned down Molly's invitation for Christmas dinner, explaining that she had told her mother she would come home for the holiday. Before she left, she placed her gifts under the tree Sirius had set up in front of the Black Family Tree. Her hands shook a bit as she laid Remus' gift under the tree. She had finished it just the night before and was nervous about his reaction. It was definitely an imperfect scarf, but she was proud of it.

She went through the house and wished everyone a happy Christmas, sorry to see that she was going to miss Remus. He was on duty for the Order and she wouldn't see him again until after Christmas.

"I wish you could stay," Sirius said as he walked her to the door.

"I know, but I told Mum I would be there tonight so I can wake up Christmas morning with them."

"Well, have a happy Christmas," he said, hugging her. "See you in a few days.

"You too. And tell Remus…" she trailed off, not sure what she wanted him to say.

"I know. Happy Christmas."

* * *

It was late, long after Tonks left, when Remus walked through the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place. He was exhausted, but couldn't help but smile when he saw how the house was decorated.

It was quiet and he thought he was the only one awake until he walked past the drawing room and saw someone sitting up by the tree. "Hi, mate, how's it going?"

Sirius looked up at him and grinned. "It's going great. I can't tell you the last time I looked forward to and enjoyed Christmas."

Remus joined him on the sofa and watched the live fairies as they fluttered in the branches of the Christmas Tree. "Glad to have a full house?"

"You have no idea."

"Any word on Arthur?"

"He's doing well. Molly is planning on visiting him again tomorrow."

"I think Mad-Eye and I are going with them. How's Harry?"

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck. "He seems better. For a while he was hiding away from everyone, but he seems okay now."

"Did, uh, did Tonks leave?"

Sirius smiled. "Yeah, she went home. She should be back the day after tomorrow."

"Oh, okay."

"She missed you today."

Remus didn't reply.

"I think there's a present for you under the tree from her."

"She didn't have to get me anything."

"Why don't you open it?"

"It's not Christmas yet."

As if on cue, the hall clock sounded the hour of midnight.

Sirius chuckled. "Open it. It's the box there wrapped in green paper."

"I haven't given her her present yet."

"What did you get her?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Is that really any of your business?"

"Come on, open it."

"Why do you want me to open it so badly?"

"Because if you open a present, then I can."

Remus laughed. "So this is in no way a selfless act."

"Have you ever known me to be selfless?"

Curiosity got the better of him and Remus knelt before the tree. "All right, here, you can open your present from her as well."

Sirius tore off the paper and ripped the lid off the box. "It has been way too long since I had a present to open. Oh wow, check this out! When did she take the picture?" Inside a carved wooden frame was a photograph taken sometime over the summer. Harry and Sirius were seated at the table playing chess, as he watched Harry studied the board and moved a piece, calling a checkmate and Sirius reached across the board to ruffle his godson's hair.

"That's pretty nice," Remus commented.

"Go ahead, open yours."

Carefully peeling back the paper, Remus lifted the lid and found the obviously handmade scarf. It was quite uneven and not all the stitches matched. He loved it.

"Molly told me Tonks asked her to teach her how to knit a couple weeks ago. She made that entirely by hand, no magic." Sirius explained quietly.

Suddenly, the gift he had gotten her didn't seem like enough. He had seen it in Hogsmeade and thought of her right away, but now it seemed silly compared to what she did for him.

"You okay, Moony?"

"What? Oh, yeah, it's a really nice scarf, isn't it?"

Sirius grinned at him. "Yeah, it is."

"I'm going to turn in. See you in the morning."

"Good night. Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas." Remus carried his gift upstairs with him.

Sitting on his desk was a wrapped package for Tonks, a small figurine of a wood nymph. He wanted it to be a friendship gift, but now it didn't seem right any more.

It was after midnight on Christmas morning and he was strapped for cash. What could he possibly give her? Looking around his room at his meager belongings, his eyes stopped on his dresser. Could he give it to her? Would it be sending a mixed message?

He crossed the room and opened the top drawer of his bureau, pulling out a small, old jewelry box. Inside was the last thing he still had from his mother. Over the years, he had been forced to sell several of his parents' belongings to make ends meet, but he had kept this brooch, not quite sure why, but he just couldn't sell it. Now, he couldn't think of anyone else he's rather give it to than Nymphadora Tonks.


	11. Chapter 11

Time seemed to snowball quickly after Christmas. Arthur was released from the hospital, Harry was told he would be working with Snape to learn Occlumancy, and the Order met twice in the week after Christmas.

Remus had hoped for a free moment alone with Tonks, to give her her gift before he lost his nerve. But she arrived at the meetings just as they were to start and often left just as they ended. She was busy with both work and the Order and he was afraid she thought he had forgotten about her.

"Looks like Tonks won't be joining us tonight," Sirius said, walking into the drawing room several days after Christmas.

Remus looked up, surprised. "I thought she was working."

"I invited her to come over tonight for New Years, but she just sent me an owl saying she was tired and going to make an early night of it."

"That sucks," Ginny said from where she sat on the floor playing with Crookshanks.

"She was going to play winner of out tournament," Harry added from where he was playing wizard's chess with Ron.

"Don't worry, she can play me next time she comes over," Ron teased.

"What are you talking about? I just beat you!"

"I let you win. Besides, we're playing best out of three so the first game doesn't even count."

"I'll play the winner," Sirius offered, falling onto the sofa next to Hermione.

Remus checked his watch and saw it was still early. "Harry, would you mind if I borrowed Hedwig?"

"No, go ahead," Harry said absently, studying the board in front of him.

Sirius grinned at his friend and nodded.

* * *

Tonks pulled her boots off and wiggled her toes. She felt bad about turning down the invitations she had received, both from Sirius and her friends at the office, but she was exhausted and knew she wouldn't be able to make it to midnight.

Since she returned from her parent's house late Christmas night, she had averaged about four hours of sleep each night. Now that she finally had some time off, she planned on spending it unconscious. Pouring herself a glass of wine from the bottle her Secret Santa had given her, Tonks propped her feet up on the coffee table and sat back to relax.

"What now?" She groaned when there was a tapping on the window. If it had been any other owl than Hedwig, she would have ignored it. "What have you got for me girl?" She asked, opening the window and ignoring the burst of cold air.

As soon as the parchment was removed from her leg, Hedwig flew in to warm herself by the fire.

Tonks unrolled the parchment and immediately recognized Remus' neat handwriting.

**Tonks,**

**I hope you don't think I'm being forward, but I was hoping I could take a moment of your time to speak with you tonight. I know it is short notice, but if you're free please let me know.**

**Yours,**

**Remus**

Tonks read his note three times, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Who am I kidding?" She asked Hedwig. "Of course I want to see him."

She dug into the drawer of her end table and found a spare bit of parchment. "Is this why you're still here?" Tonks asked the owl. "Are you waiting for a response?"

Hedwig hooted and clicked her beak.

"Here." Tonks attached the parchment to her leg. "Take this to Remus."

Hedwig hesitated a second before leaving the warmth of the fireplace for the cold December night.

Tonks shut the window behind her and turned to look around the flat. It was clean enough and she had just recently finished unpacking everything. Looking down, she took in theold jeans she was wearing and a sweatshirt emblazoned with The Chudley Cannons. She wasn't so much a fan of the team as she was a fan of the bright orange.

"I guess I could try and make myself look presentable." She hurried back to her bedroom where clothes were tossed over the bed, the floor, and the chair. Digging through the pile on the chair, she could find nothing to make her happy. Feeling frustrated, she whirled around and found what she was looking for halfway under her bed. The green sweater had been a Christmas gift from her aunt. It was a bright green and fitted, the yarn was the softest she had ever felt and it complimented her pink hair.

Yanking off her sweatshirt, she tugged the sweater on. If she kept her arms down, it laid nicely, but if she raised her arms, it slid up past her bellybutton. Stopping in front of the mirror that hung over her bureau, she studied her image. Her hair was her trademark bubble gum pink and her eyes their natural dark brown. Shifting through the bottles and tubes on top of her dresser, she dabbed on a little lip gloss and sprayed a bit more perfume on.

When the quiet knock came, she hurried out to the living room, forgetting to put shoes on. "Who is it?"

"It's, uh, it's me, Remus."

The first thing she noticed when she opened the door was that above the worn and patched robe, wrapped snuggly around his neck was the scarf. She couldn't help but smile as she met his eyes. The second thing she noticed was how pale and tired he looked. _Of course_, she thought. _The full moon is in two days._

The first thing he noticed was her scent, the rich vanilla perfume that mingled pleasantly with the scent that was uniquely her. The second thing he noticed was the way her short sweater and old jeans clung to every curve and made his blood boil.

"Remus, come in, come in. Oh, it's a cold night, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," he smiled as she stepped aside to let him in. "Good thing I have this handsome new scarf."

"You like it?" She asked, pleased.

"Very much."

A pleasant blush colored her cheeks as she shut and locked the door. "Have a seat, please make yourself at home. I was just having some wine, would you like some?"

"I don't want you to go to any trouble."

"Don't be silly, please sit. I do enjoy a good wine, it is a little luxury I indulge in from time to time. And this wine was a gift, so it's a better one than I can normally afford, and the only thing better than indulging in a good wine is indulging with a friend."

Remus stood in her living room, watching as she walked to a cupboard in the corner to retrieve a glass and return, all while talking and not missing a beat. He couldn't help but appreciate the way she moved, the sway of her hips, the way her bare feet padded across the floor. When she reached up to grab the stemmed wine glass, her sweater rose up, exposing a smooth span of creamy, pale skin and he had the silliest thought about it would taste liketo press his lips to her stomach, just above her bellybutton.

"Please, sit, make yourself comfortable," she instructed as she poured a glass of wine for him and topped off her own glass.

Remus unwound the scarf and removed his robes, laying them over the rocking chair. He sat on the sofa and accepted the glass from her. "Thank you."

Tonks sat on the other end of the sofa, tucking her legs under her, facing him. She raised her glass and smiled. "To a happy new year."

"Happy new year." He tapped the edge of his glass against hers before tasting it. "Oh, that is quite good."

"Yes it is, isn't it? I was lucky, Kingsley picked my name for Secret Santa and he and I had talked wine several times before."

"He has good taste. So, uh, how was your Christmas?"

"Oh, it was lovely, nice to see the folks again and the family from my dad's side. We had a big dinner at my grandmother's. I still have leftovers. There are plenty of cookies if you'd like some."

"Oh, thank you, but no, Molly has kept us all quite full."

"Yes, I bet she is. How was your Christmas?"

"It was excellent. It has been quite a while since I shared Christmas with friends." He immediately regretted saying that when he saw the look of pity cross her face. "But it was great, and I can't remember the last time Sirius was that happy."

"I'm glad to hear that. I had hoped to spend more time with you all, but it has been so hectic this past week. I do feel bad about turning down his invitation, but I was so tired, I just thought I would turn in early tonight."

"Oh, of course, I won't keep you."

Tonks laid a hand on his arm to keep him from rising. "That was not a hint for you to go. I'm glad you're here."

Remus hesitated, staring down at the dark liquid in his glass. He wasn't quite sure how to respond.

She cleared her throat and sipped her wine. "What was it you wished to speak with me about?"

He looked up at her. "I'm sorry?"

"The note you sent me said you wanted to speak with me."

"Oh, yes." Remus was overtaken with a sudden case of nerves. _What am I doing?_ He thought as he took a large gulp of wine. _What if she doesn't like it? What if I am making a colossal fool of myself?_ He looked up and saw her watching him. His heart skipped a beat. _Too late now._

"I want you to know how much I really like my scarf," he began.

Again, color flooded her cheeks as she grinned. "I'm glad to hear that."

"I don't want you to think I forgot about you. I had hoped to see you before Christmas, but we were both so busy. I do have a gift for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small, carefully wrapped box.

"Remus," she sighed, touched. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I wanted to."

Tonks couldn't help but notice how his hand trembled slightly as he offered her the gift. She set her glass on the table and took it from him, her fingers brushed against his, sending a pleasant tingle up her arm. She could feel his eyes on her as she tugged at the ribbon. "Did you wrap it yourself?" She asked.

He thought it an odd question, but he nodded. "Yes."

"You did a lovely job."

"Thank you."

With her heart racing, Tonks peeled back red paper, uncovering an old cardboard jewelry box with worn corners and tear on one edge of the top. Gently lifting the lid, she gasped. "Oh, Remus, it's beautiful. I-I can't accept this."

"I'd like you to have it," he said quietly.

She lifted the delicate brooch. It was bar shaped and made of silver filigree, in the center was a small diamond. Obviously an antique, she could only imagine what it had cost him. She lifted her eyes to his. "I don't know what to say."

Her expression spoke volumes and Remus felt his heart melt. He was so glad he had given her the brooch, seeing her now, he knew he had made the right decision.

Acting on impulse, Tonks leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Thank you so much."

Feeling a bit flustered, Remus ran a shaky hand through his hair. "You, uh, you're very welcome."

Enjoying the fact that she could have that effect on him, Tonks slid a little closer to him.

He fought the urge to move away from her. There was a definite pull he was feeling but chose to blame the alcohol and he set his glass on the table. "I'm, uh, I'm glad you…you like it," he stammered. "Thank you for the wine, but I should be getting back to…to the house."

"Remus, please don't run away."

"I'm not."

She leaned closer, stopping just inches from him. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I really should be going," he said weakly as her scent and body heat permeated his personal space.

Tonks gently touched his cheek, forcing him to look at her. "Thank you," she breathed, going the rest of the way to gently touch her lips to his.

_No! _A voice screamed inside his head even as his arms came up to encircle her. _This isn't right!_

She leaned closer to him, causing him to lie back against the arm of the sofa. Stretching out on top of him, pinning him beneath her, Tonks slid her hands up to weave her fingers through his hair.

Remus was sure his body was acting completely separate from his mind. He couldn't remember the last time he had held a woman like this, feeling her body and soul. His hands raced down her sides and up her back as her mouth assaulted his. He couldn't feel enough of her and goosebumps rose on her skin as he slid his hands under her sweater and over the smooth satin of her back.

A whimper escaped her as she felt his rough hands on her. She broke the kiss and took a moment to lift her head and look at him. Love coursed through her and she felt her heart would burst with it. But now was not the time for words she decided as she pressed her lips to his neck, feeling the moan vibrate from within his throat.

_Stop! You have to stop this before it goes any further!_ Remus continued to ignore the voice of reason in his head and went on with his selfish need to touch her.

Tonks let out a groan of pleasure when she felt his erection against her leg. The fact that she did that to him only excited her more and she pressed her body even harder against him.

"Tonks." His voice was even more hoarse as he slid his hands up her arms to disentangle himself from her.

"Remus," she murmured, misunderstanding his actions.

"No, please, we have to stop."

She hadn't expected that and she lifted her head to look down on him. His lips were a bit swollen, his hair mused, and his cheeks flushed. She thought he had never looked sexier. "What?"

"We have to stop this."

"Why?"

"Because I can't do this," he replied gruffly.

"I don't understand."

Remus gently pushed her off him and stood. "I can't do this."

"Remus."

He caught the hurt in her voice and it broke him a bit. "It isn't you, Tonks, it's me."

"I've heard that before," she muttered, pouring more wine into her glass.

"You just don't understand."

"Explain it to me then."

"I'm poor…"

"I don't care."

"…I'm thirteen years older than you…"

"I can add and I don't care."

"…and I'm a werewolf."

She stood abruptly, setting her glass on the table with a loud snap. "I am fully aware of what you are. You are a thick-headed prat is what you are! You think I care about money? I am not that shallow…"

"I never said you were, it's just that…"

She held her hand up, signaling for him to shut his mouth. "You're a smart, kind man with a good heart and great sense of humor. You have so much more to offer than money or possessions. Age is just a number, nothing else. And as for being a werewolf, that is just a small part of what you are. You have it under control and you've already shown you can live with it. What I don't understand is why you keep trying to use those weak excuses to push me away when I don't plan on going any where."

He wasn't prepared for the emotions her words stirred up inside him. Picking up his robe, he slipped it on over his old trousers and jumper. "I, uh, I wanted to thank you for my gift. It is getting, um, getting late, I don't want to keep you."

"Remus," she began weakly, unsure how to finish.

Her tone cut at him and he could hear the tears in her voice. Being around her was slowly killing him and he decided then and there that he had to put a stop to it. "I, uh, I guess I'll see you in a few days when we get the children back to Hogwarts."

Tonks nodded, refusing to let him know how hurt she was. "Take care, Remus."

He nodded and, still not looking at her, walked toward the door. "You too."

She followed him, biting hard on her bottom lip, fighting to keep back the sob that was trying to escape. "Happy new year."

Unlocking the door, he turned to look at her. She was staring at the door, her lip caught between her teeth, her eyes moist. "Happy new year," he whispered.

A quick, sharp knock on the door had them both jumping.

"Who-who is it?" Tonks called out, unable to control the quiver in her voice.

"It's me, Tonks, come on, I know you don't _really_ want to spend new years alone!" Paul Dunne called cheerfullythrough the door.

She took a deep breath and tried to keep a rein on her emotions. If Remus didn't want to be with her then she really just wanted to be alone. Looking up at the man in front of her she saw what she thought was a look of condescending pity. Hurt by his rejection, she tilted her chin up in defiance and glared at him while she yanked open the door. With her eyes still on Remus, she addressed Paul. "You're right, I really don't want to be alone. Come on in, let me change real quick and we'll go over to Nigel and Lindsay's party."

"Really?" Dunne asked, surprised.

"Yes, really. Good night, Remus."

Lupin hesitated a moment before nodding. "Good night, Tonks, Paul."

"Good night, Remus," Paul said as the other man slipped out into the hall and down the steps.

Tonks stared at the spot where Remus had stood just a second ago.

"Tonks?"

She looked over at her friend and partner. Here was a perfectly nice guy who was interested in her, why couldn't she return his feelings? Why couldn't she just forget Remus and move on to someone who wouldn't push her away? Why did she have to love the one guy who wouldn't return her feelings?

"Are you sure you want to go?" Paul asked quietly.

She nodded, determined. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."


	12. Chapter 12

Tonks watched Remus as he stared out the window. They had just left Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys off in Hogsmeade and were on the Knight Bus heading back to London. They were sitting in the backof the top level of the triple decker bus, with only an old wizard sitting near the front, his chin touching his chest as he slept. This was the first time they had been alone together since New Years Eve and now that the children were no longer there to distract them, she was unable to stop thinking about him.

"Keep staring at me like that and you're going to give me a complex."

His quiet statement jolted her. "Sorry."

A slow smile spread across his face as he turned to look at her. She had disguised herself as a tall, stern looking woman with iron gray hair. She wore an old cloak over a pair of black slacks and lavender blouse. She was the picture of mature, casual elegance, the total opposite of how she normally appeared. But he would have recognized her anywhere. Even with the flowery perfume she was wearing, his heightened canine senses picked up her scent. And pinned to the lapel of her cloak, near where it was clasped closed over her throat, was the brooch he had given her.

"They'll be fine," he assured her. "Once they're on Hogwarts land, they're perfectly safe."

Tonks snorted. "Yeah, as long as you consider sharing the castle with Umbridge as safe."

He chuckled softly. "I think you nearly gave the poor conductor a heart attack when you threatened to, uh, I believe your exact words were 'curse you into oblivion'."

She rolled her eyes heavenward. "Well, I mean _come on_, we're trying to keep a low profile and he's shouting out Harry's name."

"You certainly have a way with words."

Whatever she was going to say next was cut off when the Knight Bus came to a sudden stop and their chairs slid across the floor. Tonks ended up on her hands and knees while Remus was somehow able to stay in his seat.

"You okay?" He asked as she climbed back into her chair.

"Yeah, I'm used to it by now. If I didn't know better, I would think that conductor, Shunpike, was out to get me. I swear I thought I heard him call me bossy when he was talking to Ron and Harry."

"You? Bossy? No."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

He laughed. "You know, that might have had more impact if you didn't look like my old aunt Betsy."

Tonks scrunched up her face and the iron gray hair shortened to purple spikes, her nose shortened and her face took on a heart shape. "Better?"

Remus nodded.

She stuck her tongue out at him again.

"Much better," he told her, smiling.

Clutching the arms of her chair as it slid into the wall, she waited until his chair stopped beside hers before saying. "Sirius seemed down again."

"Yeah, he's very upset. Not only is Harry gone, but the fact that Harry has to meet with Severus has him even more angry. Dumbldore made him promise three times that he wouldn't leave Grimmauld Place."

"I'll have to try and stop by more often to visit."

"He would appreciate that."

They fell into the awkward silence that seemed to permeate their conversations more and more. Tonks turned to look out the window, wishing she could figure out a way to keep the conversation going. She was afraid of how he would feel towards her after their last meeting.

"How was your party?"

Tonks looked up at him, confused. "What?"

"The New Years Party you went to."

"Oh, it was great," she lied. The truth was, she regretted not accepting Sirius' invitation. The party she went to was something she might have enjoyed if she hadn't spent the entire night thinking about Remus. She had been surrounded by happy couples who danced and flirted and laughed. And to top off the night, at midnight Paul cornered her with an awkward kiss that made her feel even worse. It was three days before she could bring herself to talk to him again.

"You were missed at Grimmauld Place," Remus told her. "Molly kept it pretty tame, Sirius didn't break out the hard stuff until after she went to bed. The best part, though,was when he told the kids they all had to kiss at midnight. I swear, Ron's face turned so red I thought it was going to explode."

Tonks laughed. "And who did Sirius kiss?"

"Believe it or not, Molly and Sirius shared a chaste kiss."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What?"

"After she and Arthur kissed, of course."

"Of course. And who did you kiss?"

He shrugged. "I didn't get a kiss so much as a hug."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"From who?"

"Hermione and Ginny."

"They hugged you? That's so cute."

"Who did you kiss?"

Tonks found herself uncomfortable with the question. "Uh, no one."

"Really? Not Paul?"

"Well, it wasn't a _real_ kiss."

The punch of jealousy was ten times stronger than he could ever have imagined. "If…if it wasn't a real kiss, then what kind of kiss was it?"

"The kind between two friends who didn't have anyone else to kiss."

"Paul seems like a nice guy."

"He is."

Remus turned his gaze to the window again. He wasn't sure what he had expected her response to be.

"He is a nice guy," she continued quietly. "But he isn't really my type."

"What is your type?" He asked quietly, continuing to stare out the window as they approached London.

She shrugged and turned to look out the window. "I don't know. I guess I've always had a thing for older, monetarily challenged men with lycanthropy issues."

Remus couldn't stop the smile that tugged at his lips. He turned to look at her just as the Knight Bus took a corner too quickly and she slid toward the back of the bus as he slid to the side. "Brat," he mumbled.

"I heard that," she said as her chair slid back towards his.

"Anyone ever tell you you have lousy taste in men?"

"I wouldn't say it was lousy. Maybe eclectic or strange or even questionable, but never lousy."

"You're a glutton for punishment."

She stuck her chin out in a defiant gesture. "Maybe I am. What are you going to do about it?"

He opened his mouth to respond but stopped when Stan Shunpike came to stand beside him.

"Your stop is next." He cast a nervous glance at Tonks before hurrying back to the front of the bus.

"I think he's afraid of me," Tonks whispered.

Remus grinned. "I think you're right. But then you were an old lady when you got on the bus and you were quite short with him."

The bus came to a screeching halt and Tonks fell from her chair, landing with a grunt at Remus' feet.

"All right?" He asked, offering her a hand.

She took it and allowed him to pull her up. "How is it that you can ride the Knight Bus and not once end up on your arse on the floor?"

"I have a strong sense of balance. And anyone ever tell you swear too much?"

"Only my mum."

Stan stood to the side of the exit, meekly offering his hand to Tonks as she stepped down.

"It was a lovely ride," she told him sweetly. "Thank you."

"Uh, yeah, you're welcome," he replied, a bit flustered.

"That poor boy is so confused," Remus whispered as they watched the bus disappear with a loud BANG.

"I enjoy having that effect on men," she tossed over her shoulder as she headed toward the house.

"I'm sure you do," he muttered as he followed her.

Tonks ignored his comment as she carefully opened the door and slipped inside, trying her best to not disturb Mrs. Black's portrait.

"He's probably upstairs with Buckbeak," Remus whispered. "I'll go get him."

She nodded. "I'll put water on for tea."

"Try not to burn down the house."

She turned to reply, but he put a finger to his lips and nodded toward the curtains that hid Mrs. Black's portrait. She put her hands on her hips and glowered at him. He winked in response and disappeared up the stairs.

Walking past the drawing room, Tonks heard Kreacher grumbling to himself about 'blood traitors' and his 'poor mistress'. She continued onto the basement where the fire had gone done to burning embers. Flicking her wand toward the fireplace, she started the fire roaring again. After removing her cloak, she untucked her blouse and made herself more comfortable as she set a tea kettle on the fire. Checking the cupboards, she found a tin of leftover biscuits and set out a small plate.

"It is the safest place for him to be right now," Remus was saying as he and Sirius entered the room

Sirius responded with a grunt.

"Wotcher, Sirius," Tonks greeted him with a smile.

"Tonks." He nodded to her.

"It was a pleasant ride," she said, taking down a couple of tea cups.

"I'm sure it was," Sirius mumbled.

"You know, unless something happens, I have Wednesday evening off, so I thought…damnit!" Tonks swore as she dropped two of the tea cups, causing them to shatter.

"Why don't you stop trying to help," Sirius said warily.

"Come on now, Sirius, that's not necessary," Remus warned as he took out his wand. "_Reparo_."

"Thanks," she muttered.

"What were you saying?" Remus asked.

"What? Oh, I was thinking I would come on over Wednesday evening. Maybe we can break out the chess board or something."

Sirius didn't say anything as he rose to get the firewhiskey from the cupboard.

"That sounds like fun," Remus said, trying to keep the conversation going. "Make sure you're here early enough for dinner, I'll make something special."

"Can I bring anything?"

"Do you cook?"

"Not if I can help it."

Remus smirked. "Why don't you bring a bottle of wine?"

"I can probably handle that."

"Sounds like a plan then. What do you think, Sirius?"

"I think," Sirius said as he sat at the table, pouring firewhiskey into his teacup, "that the two of you should stop with this dumb game you're playingand shag each other all ready."

Tonks mouth fell open in disbelief as her face flushed.

Remus prided himself in being a patient man who rarely lost his temper and he had cut Sirius a lot of slack over the years, but that comment was a step too far. "I understand you're upset," he began in a frighteningly calm voice. "But you are way out of line. There was no need to disrespect Tonks or myself in that way and I think you owe us both an apology."

Sirius met his friend's eyes and realized with a jolt that Remus' feelings did go beyond attraction to Tonks to something much more. He hadn't seen Remus this angry in years. "You're right, I was out of line, I apologize. Sorry, Nymph."

"'S all right," she murmured, avoiding his gaze as she added too much sugar to her tea.

"That sounds like fun," Sirius continued, trying to change the mood in the kitchen.

"I, uh, I should be heading home," Tonks said, standing. "I have to be at the Ministry early tomorrow."

"Oh, come on, Nymph, don't go just because I've been a right berk," Sirius pleaded.

She shook her head, carrying her teacup to the sink. "It's not that, I'm used to you being a right berk. I really should go."

Hoping to make amends, he retrieved her cloak and held up for her, but not before noticing the brooch. Sirius turned to look at Remus.

Lupin met his eyes and glared at his friend, daring him to say something.

"Be sure to stop by and visit any time," Sirius told his cousin.

"I will. See you later, Sirius, Remus."

Remus stood. "Good bye, Tonks."

As soon as the front door closed quietly behind her, Sirius turned to his friend. "Is there anything you wish to tell me?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Remus replied, sitting at the table, taking a biscuit from the plate.

"Are you two officially seeing each other now?"

"No."

"But wasn't that your mother's brooch she had?"

"Yes."

"Come on, mate." Sirius sat across from him. "I'm not blind, something is going on between the two of you."

Remus took a bite of the cookie and chewed slowly, considering his response. "We're friends. Just friends."

"Moony, you have to know how she feels and when you give her a gift like that, she's going to assume you…"

"Sirius, why don't you mind your own business?"

"Because this is my business, you are my closest friend, Tonks is like a sister to me, and when I can't go any further than the front door, I fight my boredom by watching the two of you act out this little play."

Remus didn't respond.

"I know Nymph is an amazing girl and she's proven to be as tough as nails, but she's still a sensitive person. Aren't you afraid you're sending her mixed messages? I mean…"

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but Tonks knows we're just friends and I am hoping we can remain friends."

"She may know you're just friends, but maybe she's hoping it will become more."

"It can't," Remus whispered, staring at the steam rising from his tea.

"You're a stubborn old fool."

With a burst of anger, Remus stood, knocking his chair over. "Damn it, Sirius! Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I don't care for her? What am I supposed to do? Allow her to lower herself to my level? Let her throw away all that she can be so she can attach herself to an old, poor werewolf? She claims none of that matters, but she isn't thinking logically."

"Maybe you need to stop thinking so logically," Sirius said quietly.

Without another word, Remus left the kitchen and found his way to his room. He looked around at his meager belongings.

"What is wrong with me?" He wondered aloud. "I thought the plan was to put more space between us."

When it was just the two of them, as it was on the bus, it was easy to pretend that things could be different. But when he was forced to face his feelings, when he was questioned on his behavior, it drove him to the edge of madness. He realized that as much as he wanted it, it couldn't be.

* * *

January turned into February and Remus and Tonks saw even less of each other. When the _Daily Prophet_ arrived showing the ten pictures of the wizards and witch who had escaped from Azkaban, Remus knew he would see even less of her.

Ashamed that that was the first thought that came to his mind, he folded the paper and pushed it aside as he returned to his breakfast.

"'Morning, Moony," Sirius yawned as he stumbled sleepily into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sirius."

"Is that the _Prophet_?"

Remus hesitated a moment before sliding it across the table to him. He watched as Sirius' face paled before turning a dark red and then finally returning to his normal shade.

"Well, that's a bit of bad news, isn't it?" Sirius said lightly.

"You all right?"

He shrugged. "Nice to see Bellatrix is getting out more."

"Not funny, Sirius."

"What do you want me to say, Remus? They're out, Harry and Dumbledore have been warning the Ministry since last summer and they refuse to believe them. It's easier to blame me."

Remus rubbed his hands over his face and let out a long sigh.

"You're worried about her," Sirius stated.

"What?"

"Tonks. You're worried about her."

"I'm worried about a lot of things."

"She's an auror, a good one, even if she keeps falling flat on her face. She'll be fine."

Remus was about to tell him that wasn't what was on his mind, but he realized that he did need to hear that reassurance. "I know she will, mate."

"I'm sure we'll be having a meeting soon."

"Yes, I'm surprised we haven't heard from Dumbledore yet."

Sirius rose and went to put a kettle on the stove. "I guess I should try and dust around the upstairs before Molly gets here."

"She'd appreciate it."

"What do you have planned for today, Moony?"

Remus carried his plates to the sink. "I told Dumbledore I would run a couple of errands for him. I should be back this afternoon to help if you like."

"Yeah. See if you can find out any more information while you're out there."

Remus smiled. "Don't worry, Sirius, I'll bring you back a surprise. But only if you're a good boy."

"I promise to not cause any trouble while you're gone," Sirius replied solemnly.

"Now, don't make any pie crust promises," he warned. "Easily made, easily broken."

"Hm, sounds like you should be taking your own advice."

Remus looked up at him, confused. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, you know, the way you keep lying to yourself about how you feel and you try, half-heartedly, to push Tonks away when you really don't want to, you make up stupid excuses and promises you can't keep."

Remus shook his head. "You're not making sense, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"For such a smart man, you're quite thick," Sirius said.

"I have to go, do you need anything?"

Sirius sat back down at the table with his tea and picked up the paper. "Just bring me news of the outside world."

Remus paused at the door and turned to look at his friend. "Don't do anything stupid, Padfoot, I know you're worried about Harry, but he's safest at Hogwarts."

"What makes you think I'm planning to do anything stupid?"

"The fact that _you_ volunteered to dust."

Sirius sighed and sat back in his chair. "But Bellatrix..."

"Dumbledore won't let anything happen to him, you know that. Just stay put."

Sirius picked up the _The Daily Prophet_ and shook it out. "I'll see you later, Moony."

Remus hesitated, wishing he could do more for his friend. "Bye, Sirius."


	13. Chapter 13

Hi all,

Sorry for the delay, I have been having some computer issues, but they should be taken care of now. I know exactly where this story is going, I just have to sit down and put word to screen.

Thank you for all your amazing reviews, they really mean a lot to me!

Enjoy,

Failte

* * *

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. The Ministry was busy in the hunt for the Death Eaters and so Remus saw Tonks twice in as many months at Order meetings. When he did see her, she appeared tired and a bit peaky, as they all did. He thought often of her and listened for mention of her from the others, dreading the day when he heard she was injured in the line of duty. He also fought the urge to send her an owl from time to time, wanting to check on her, but not wanting to appear to be checking on her.

Word of what Umbridge was doing at Hogwarts had reached everyone in the Order. They had all read Harry's article in The Quibbler, Sirius had been quite proud of him, and they had heard the repercussions of his actions. They knew of every Educational Decree Umbridge put into place and how unfairly she was treating the students. Those were the main topics of discussion at the last meeting.

Remus was relaxing in his room one rainy afternoon in April, two days after the full moon, when more bad news came to Grimmauld Place. He was feeling a bit sore and had spent most of the previous day in bed. Since there was no pressing work to do, he decided to just relax.

"I'm getting too old for this," he grumbled as he stretched his arms above his head, hearing a few creaking noises.

"Hey, mate, you awake?" Sirius called through the door.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Tonks is here, said she needs to talk to us."

"I'll be right down," Remus called back, pushing himself up.

He stopped in front of the cracked, dusty mirror that hung on the wall and tried to do something with his hair. He was long due for a haircut and would work on the charm later, when he had more time. Grabbing a comb he tried to tame it into a semi-respectable style.

"What am I doing?" He asked his reflection. "They're downstairs waiting for me and I'm primping like a schoolboy."

Feeling silly, Remus set the comb on the dresser and left his room.

* * *

Downstairs, Tonks paced the floor of the kitchen, wondering what was taking Remus so long.

"He'll be down in a moment," Sirius said from his seat at the table. "You're wearing a grove in the floor."

"What's taking him so long?"

"We just had a full moon."

"I know that," she snapped. Ever since she had gotten to know Remus, Tonks had become very aware of the phases of the moon. Wherever she is, whatever she's doing, when the moon is full, she spends most of the night thinking, and worrying, about him.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Remus said as he entered the room. "How are you, Tonks?"

"Wotcher, Remus." She smiled at him, sorry to see he was quite pale and tired looking. "I'm fine, how're you?"

"Fine, just fine. Would you like a drink?"

"I wouldn't mind a butterbeer if you have one."

Remus retrieved three bottles from the cupboard and handed them out as he joined Sirius at the table. "Have a seat, Tonks, what brings you here today?"

She sat opposite the two men and twisted open her bottle. "Kingsley asked me to come and tell you what happened, he would come himself, but he has things to see to. Don't worry, though, he said he would come by later and answer any questions I can't…"

"Get to the point, Nymph," Sirius interrupted, taking a swig from his own bottle.

"Dumbledore has left Hogwarts."

"What!" Sirius sat upright and slammed his drink on the table.

Remus leaned forward. "What do you mean he's left Hogwarts?"

"Umbridge found out about Harry's defense club, a girl who was a member of the club turned him in. Fudge arrived at Hogwarts with Kingsley, another auror, Dawlish, and Percy Weasley. They tried to get Harry to admit he had broken one of the decrees, but he wouldn't, so they tried to get the girl to admit to it, luckily, Kingsley acted fast and modified her memory so she couldn't remember the meetings. Umbridge produced a piece of parchment that listed the members of the club and it showed it was called Dumbledore's Army, so Albus took responsibility. But he wouldn't let them take him into custody, he hexed them all and escaped. Kingsley is going to speak with Minerva and see what she has to say, then he, and maybe Minerva as well, will fill you in later on all the details. But Kinsley didn't want you two to hear from an outside source before one of us could tell you." Tonks finished her story and took a long drink from her butterbeer.

"This can't be happening," Sirius groaned.

"Do we know where he went?" Remus asked.

Tonks shook her head.

"I'm afraid to know the answer to this," Sirius began. "But who's in charge at Hogwarts now?"

"It isn't official, yet, but it will be Umbridge."

Sirius swore and slammed his fist on the table.

"What can we do?" Remus asked.

"Just keep doing what you're doing."

"How's Harry?" Sirius asked quietly.

"He was unharmed," Tonks assured him. "Dumbledore didn't hex him."

"There has to be something more we can do," Sirius snapped.

"No, we're all supposed to continue to lay low and do what we've been doing."

He pushed back from the table and stood, pacing the room. "That's not enough! We can't just sit here while Harry is under the control of Umbridge! Who knows what she'll do!"

"He has Minerva, Hagrid, and Severus looking out for him," Remus said quietly.

Sirius laughed bitterly. "Yeah, _Severus_, that's a good selling point, Moony."

"Regardless of what you think of him, he is on our side and he'll look out for Harry."

"You're not that stupid."

"Neither is Severus."

"I can't believe you're so willing to just trust the man who hated James with a passion with his only son."

"He isn't going to hurt Harry."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because Dumbledore trusts him and that's enough for me."

Sirius glared at his friend a moment before whirling around and staring into the fireplace.

Tonks looked from Remus to Sirius and back again.

Remus smiled weakly at her. "Thank you, Tonks, for coming over and updating us on what's happening."

"If I hear anything else, I'll let you know."

He nodded. "Thank you."

She stood slowly, suddenly feeling in the way. "Well, I just wanted you guys to know what's going on. I'm going to head back to the Ministry now."

Remus stood and they both hesitated, but Sirius continued to stare at the fire, ignoring them both. "I'll walk you out," he said quietly.

"Will he be okay?" Tonks whispered when they entered the hallway.

"He'll be fine," Remus sighed, running his hand through his hair. "You know how he gets, he's just angry and frustrated. It's really hard for him to be cooped up like this."

"Maybe I shouldn't have told him."

"No, you did the right thing. We needed to know and it was better to hear it from you than someone else."

She stopped at the door and turned to look up at him, her heart in her throat. "If…if there is anything I can do, anything at all, please ask."

He nodded and smiled. "I will. Thank you, Tonks. For everything."

She hesitated a moment before returning his smile, weakly. "See you around, Remus."

"See you," he whispered.

Tonks wanted to say something more, but she couldn't. Instead, she opened the door and left.

* * *

Days later, Remus and Sirius both stood in front of the fireplace where Harry's head had just disappeared.

Sirius grabbed the tin on the mantle and wrenched the lid off. "This is total crap! I'm going to Hogwarts right now and…"

"You're going no where," Remus said calmly, taking the tin of floo powder from his friend.

"But Harry…"

"I will speak to Snape myself. You need to calm down."

Sirius paced the floor, grumbling under his breath.

The two of them had just spoken to Harry and he had told them about what he had seen in the pensieve. While it had been nice to reminisce about their days in Hogwarts, Remus was worried that Harry still thought badly about James. But right now, the more pressing problem was that Snape had stopped giving Harry Occlumency lessons.

"When are you going to talk to him?"

Sirius' question broke through his thoughts. "Well, I thought I would send him an owl and let him know I'd like to see him…"

"Just go to Hogwarts."

Remus looked at his friend, confused. "What? Why? I can't do that."

"Why not? If you send him an owl he'll ignore you. If you show up and demand to speak with him, he'll have to."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Let me handle it my way."

Sirius scoffed, "Your way? Snape won't meet with you and Harry won't learn Occlumency. You need to just go to Hogwarts and force him to listen to you! This is Harry's safety we're talking about!"

Remus tried to keep his temper under control as he glared at his friend. "I am just as worried about Harry as you are, don't ever think I don't care about him. If I tried to go to Hogwarts right now and Umbridge found me, who knows what she would do to me. I will deal with this my way."

Sirius sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. "I know you care about Harry, I didn't mean that. I just…Merlin! I just want to go to Hogwarts and…and curse Snivellus into next week! Fucking wanker."

"I know," Remus spoke gently. "But the best thing you can do is to listen to Dumbledore and lie low. Think of what it would do to Harry if you were caught. I will take care of this, I promise."

Sirius nodded slowly.

* * *

Remus was surprised at how quickly Snape responded to his letter. He had written what he thought was a simple, stern reminder of what Dumbledore had requested. Snape's response came the next morning. It was short and to the point.

**I am fully aware of what Dumbledore asked me to do, I told him I would try and I did. Potter is as arrogant as his father and completely incorrigible. I wash my hands of him and his poor attitude. And it would do you and _your friend_ good to remember that I only answer to Dumbledore, not you.**

Remus sighed and crumbled the parchment into a ball. He hesitated a moment before tossing it into the fire burning in the kitchen fireplace. He wasn't sure if he should try to contact Dumbledore or not. No one knew where he was and Remus didn't know if there was anything the former headmaster could do right now and he certainly didn't want to put him in a tough situation.

A gentle scent of vanilla invaded his nose and his entire body tensed. "Good morning, Tonks."

"I…I hope I'm not interrupting you," she said softly.

Remus turned to face her. "Not at all. Would you like some tea? I was about to make some breakfast."

She studied him for a moment. He looked tired and worn and old.

"What's wrong?" She asked quietly.

He shook his head and pasted a false smile on his face. "Nothing. Please, have a seat."

"You know, Remus," Tonks said as she sat at the table. "I am your friend and I am a member of the Order, you can trust me."

"I know I can and I thank you for that," he said quietly, setting the water on to boil.

"Is it Sirius?"

"No. He went to feed Buckbeak, he should be down soon."

"Is it Harry?"

Remus sighed and turned to retrieve plates from the cupboard. "Snape has stopped teaching Harry Occlumency."

"What? Why?"

Sitting down across from her, he filled her in on what had happened. How he and Sirius had spoken to Harry, the letter he had sent to Snape, and Snape's response.

"Would you like me to talk to Snape?" She offered when he finished.

"Thank you for the offer, but no. Severus will no more listen to you as he would to me or Sirius. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think Harry would go back to him any way."

"What are you going to do?"

Remus moved his shoulders in a shrug as he rose to attend to the tea kettle. "I don't know. Sirius wants to use his power as godfather and pull Harry from Hogwarts."

"That's a bad idea," Tonks said as she stood to help. "Hogwarts is still the safest place for Harry to be."

"I know that and you know that, but Sirius still thinks Harry would be safest with him. Here, you can do the sausage." Remus handed her a heavy pan.

"You're trusting me to cook?"

He shrugged and flashed her a smile. "I figure you can't do too much damage if I'm right here."

Tonks ignored the weak-kneed feelings that washed over her and set the pan on the stove. "Where's the sausage?"

"The package on the sideboard there." Remus cracked eggs into another pan.

Enjoying this quiet domestic moment, Tonks gently laid fresh patties on the hot cast iron pan and watched them begin to sizzle. All while Remus stood closely beside her. She could feel his robe brush against the leg of her jeans. It was warm and cozy in the basement kitchen and she was glad she had stopped by. Glad for this moment with him.

"Here." He handed her a spatula. "Flip them before they burn."

Her fingers trembled slightly as they brushed his on the handle. "Thanks."

He left her side to gather the plates and silverware. Tonks took a moment to collect her thoughts. _You are not a silly schoolgirl. You should not be feeling like this. He has told you before that he wasn't interested. Well, no, he never actually said he wasn't interested, he just said he couldn't get involved. I know he feels something for me, I just have to convince him he can get involved. I wish he would open up to me, let me in. If only he would…_

"Tonks!"

Remus' voice cut into her thoughts and brought her back to reality with a jolt.

"Oh! Damnit!" She swore loudly as she noticed the scent of burnt sausage.

"It's all right," Remus said, crossing over to her. "Just don't…"

Tonks swore again and dropped the pan on the floor as she grabbed the hot handle.

"…pick up the pan without a potholder." He finished. "Let me see."

Tonks blew on her hand and shook it, trying to cool the burn, feeling like a total fool.

"Let me see," he repeated gently, taking her wrist with his left hand and reaching around her to turn off the burner with his right.

Her face burned even redder than her hand as he examined it, gently touching her palm. His tenderness was slowly destroying her.

"It doesn't look too bad," Remus murmured. "Come on, run it under cold water."

She let him pull her over to the sink and watched wordlessly as he turned the faucet on and stuck her hand under the flow.

"We're lucky Molly was thinking ahead," he said as he went to a cupboard and pulled out a small box. "She had the foresight to drop off a first aid kit, but then after spending a few weeks in this house with the twins, I understand the need for it."

"Yeah, I uh, I guess it's important to have one around when I'm here," Tonks muttered.

Remus shut off the faucet and examined her hand again. Pulling a towel off a hook beside the sink, he carefully dabbed at her palm. "I think you'll survive."

Tonks watched as he applied a salve and then gently pressed a bandage in place.

"Give it a couple of hours and the salve will have healed the burn completely," he told her, carefully folding her fingers over the bandage. Looking up, he caught sight of the tears that filled her eyes. "Does it hurt badly?"

She shook her head and bit her lip. As he gently cupped her hand in his, she could feel no pain, only him. They were standing close and she silently wished he would take that one step that would bring him even closer, both physically and emotionally.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Sirius entered the kitchen and took in the scene before him. "A mess on the floor, the first aid kit out, and an awkward silence. That can only mean one thing, good morning, Tonks."

Remus released her hand and turned to clean up the pan and sausage.

Tonks scowled at her cousin before packing up the first aid kit.

"There was a little accident while we were preparing breakfast," Remus explained lightly.

"Moony, what did I tell you about letting Nymph near the stove?" Sirius teased as he poured himself a cup of tea.

"It's too early for your crap," Tonks snapped.

"Oh, you're ouchy this morning, aren't you? Any word from Snivellus yet?"

Remus caught Tonks' eye. He couldn't lie to his friend. "Yes, he isn't willing to listen to me."

"Fucking wanker," Sirius grumbled. "I'll go to Hogwarts myself and…"

"Don't be daft!" Tonks spoke up. "You'll do no such thing! You'll endanger yourself and Harry!"

"I'm going to write to Minerva and see if there is anything she can do," Remus said. "You will stay here, Sirius."

He blew out an angry breath. "Harry has enough to worry about with O.W.L.S. to study for and the return of Voldemort, the last thing he needs is to have to deal with Snivellus' grudge against James and me."

"Well, maybe it would help if you stopped calling him Snivellus," Remus suggested as he served breakfast.

"Why are you standing up for him?"

"Because, as much as you don't like it, Severus is an important part of what we're doing. He is also the only one Dumbledore trusts enough to teach Occlumency to Harry and, on a personal note, he does make the Wolfsbane potion for me."

"He's a regular saint," Sirius grumbled.

Tonks piled eggs and toast on her plate, taking a seat beside Sirius. "He's right you know. Snape is a right git, but Dumbledore trusts him."

"So what brings you here this morning?" Sirius asked her.

She shrugged. "I had some free time and I thought I'd stop by see how you guys were doing." Without realizing it, Tonks' eyes shifted across the table to where Remus sat.

Her cousin nodded, noticing where her gaze had moved to. "Well, I can't speak for Moony, but I'm doing so well I could explode with the excitement of it all."

"No need to be sarcastic," Tonks said primly. "I just thought it would be nice to see how you guys were doing."

"I'd be doing better if I had some sausage," he teased.

"And I'd be doing better if you weren't such an immature prat," she shot back. "But it looks like neither of us will get what we want."

"Children," Remus interrupted, a smile on his face. "If you can't behave yourselves, you'll both be put in time-out."

"I think Nymph would prefer a spanking," Sirius teased.

Heat flooded Tonks' cheeks as glared at her plate, too embarrassed to look up. She shot her foot out and kicked him as hard as she could under the table.


	14. Chapter 14

Remus leaned his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. Taking three deep breaths, he desperately fought the urge to sob as he played back the night before. It had all happened so quickly and as he tried to remember all that had happened, it came back to him in a bit of a haze, a series of pictures and flashes.

Sirius was gone.

Remus remembered running down the stone steps in the Department of Mysteries, shooting out curses and shielding spells. Moody was down and out, his glass eye rolling around the floor. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tonks hit by a spell and slide down the stone steps. His heart stopped and he froze. But then he heard Sirius call out,

"_Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville, and run!"_

Remus snapped out of frozen terror and began throwing spells at McNair as Sirius took up the fight with Bellatrix. As much as it pained him, he knew he would have to wait to worry about Tonks.

Dumbledore arrived and Remus felt a sudden relief. All was not lost. He looked up when he heard Sirius laugh and his words echo around them,

"_Come on, you can do better than that!"_

It all happened in slow motion after that. The spell hit Sirius square in the chest and he fell, almost gracefully, through the veil. For one, unbearably painful moment, Remus knew he had just lost the two most important people in his life.

"_Sirius! Sirius!"_

Remus ran after Harry, calling out his name. But the boy either didn't hear him or was ignoring him, but he was able to catch Harry before he reached the dais. Throwing his arms around his friend's son, he held on as tightly as he could as Harry fought to escape his grasp.

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry—"_

"_Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"_

"_It's too late, Harry—"_

"_We can still reach him—"_

"_There's nothing you can do, Harry…nothing…He's gone."_

Remus could still feel Harry struggling in his arms. He was afraid he would lose his grip, but he couldn't let go. If Harry followed Sirius, all would be lost and Remus didn't think he could handle losing him as well. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Moody had crawled across the room and was tending to Tonks. He pulled Harry away by, holding him by the arm as the fight had left the boy.

The rest of the night was a blur. He knew Dumbledore had taken on and fought Voldemort back. Several members of the Ministry had arrived and saw that the Dark Lord had indeed returned. Dumbledore stood up to Fudge and demanded he remove Umbridge and reinstated himself as headmaster. Harry was sent to Hogwarts and once Remus knew he was safe, he allowed himself to worry about the others.

Moody still sat beside Tonks when Remus arrived. She was breathing, shallowly, but she was alive.

"How is she?" Remus asked, kneeling beside them.

"She'll need to get to St. Mungo's," Moody grumbled roughly.

"How're you?"

The old auror groaned. "Not as young as I used to be."

"You put up a good fight," Remus said, his eyes shifting to the fluttering, tattered veil.

Moody laid his hand on Lupin's shoulder. "He was a good man and he went the way he wanted to, fighting for what was right and protecting his godson."

Remus nodded, unable to speak around the lump in his throat.

Dumbledore then snapped into action. He sent the rest of the children directly to the Hogwarts infirmary and Tonks and Moody to St. Mungo's. He then called Remus and Kingsley over where he quickly explained that now that Sirius was gone, unless a will was found saying otherwise, 12 Grimmauld Place would go to his next living relative, Bellatrix Lestrange. They needed to clear out everything to do with the Order, if their work fell into the hands of the Death Eaters, it could be disastrous. And Buckbeak needed to be removed as well.

Kingsley sent Patronus' to the Weasleys, Hestia Jones, and Emmeline Vance, asking them to meet them at Sirius' home. The next hour was spent in silence as they all cleaned out the house. Remus quickly packed up his belongings, filling his battered briefcase and suitcase. Kreacher was no where to be found, but no one seemed too upset about that.

Remus was the last to leave. He opened the front door as the sun was rising on the new day. Turning, he faced the foyer and swallowed hard. With his voice cracking, he spoke to the empty house.

"Good bye, mate, I…I hope you've finally found the peace you need."

That had been an hour earlier. Now, completely exhausted and broken, Remus sat in a waiting room at St. Mungo's. Moody had already been sent home, he was told to rest and that he would be fine. But there was still no word on Tonks. None of them were sure just what spell she had been hit with and so it was taking the healers a little more time to figure out what was wrong with her.

"Remus."

He lifted his face from his hands and took a moment for his blurry eyes to focus on the kind, concerned face of Arthur Weasley. He stood stiffly. "Arthur. How are you? How are the children?"

"They'll all be fine. They're at Hogwarts and don't even need to come here. How are you doing?"

Remus shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Any word on Tonks?"

"No, not yet."

"She's young and strong, I'm sure she'll be fine." Arthur looked down at the old cases on the floor. "Where are you planning to go now?"

"I…I haven't really given it much thought."

Arthur nodded understandingly. "Molly has sent me to fetch you, we'd like for you to stay at the Burrow."

A bit more of him broke at the kindness of his friends. "Thank you, Arthur, but I…"

"No buts, Molly would have my head if I don't bring you home for a warm meal and a bed."

"That's very kind of you."

Arthur laid a friendly hand on his shoulder. "Ron and Ginny will be all right, as well as Harry and Hermione. We owe you all so much."

Remus nodded. "Thank you. But I…I can't leave right now."

"Of course, I understand. But please know that there is always a place for you, when you're ready, just come through the backdoor."

"Thank you."

"Would you like me to take your things so you don't need to worry about them just know?"

Remus looked down at the battered cases. "Thank you, Arthur, I'd appreciate that."

"Don't push yourself too hard," Arthur warned as he leaned down to pick up the bags. "We'll be watching for you and we'll want word on Tonks."

"Thank you, Arthur, for everything."

The patriarch of the Weasley clan hesitated a moment. "I'm truly sorry, Remus, he was a good man and while he and Molly tended to butt heads, she did think very highly of him, if for no other reason than because of how much he cared for Harry."

Remus swallowed hard and nodded, unable to speak.

Arthur apparated, leaving Remus alone in the waiting room again.

"She needs rest, it'll be a few days, but she should be fine."

Remus looked down the hall as a healer and a nurse accompanied Tonks' gurney to a room. He hurried down the hall and followed them into the room.

The healer appeared surprised when he entered. "Can I help you?"

"I…I'm a friend," he croaked. "I've been waiting for word."

"Oh, of course." The healer floated Tonks' still form from the gurney to an empty bed while the nurse tucked her in. "She has not yet regained consciousness, but she should soon. I'll need her to stay for two or three days for observation and to administer medication. There will be pain and she'll be quite weak, but she should be fine in a few days."

Finally, there was some good news and Remus felt tears of relief fill his eyes.

The healer took notice of the look on his face and attached her chart to the foot of the bed. "If you'd like to sit with her a bit, you may. Talk to her, it might help bring her around."

When he was alone with her, Remus pulled a chair to the bedside and sat down. She was frighteningly pale as she laid against the stark white sheets. Her chest rose and fell steadily, giving him hope as she breathed life. Her left wrist was wrapped in a bandage and there were a few bruises and cuts from her fall.

He picked up her limp right hand in both of his, curling his fingers tightly around hers. "Tonks."

He hadn't really expected a response, but he had hoped. When nothing happened, he continued, his voice breaking and trembling a bit.

"The…the healer says you'll be fine. I can't tell you how relieved I am. When…when I saw you fall—it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life." He stopped, squeezing her hand. "The children will all be fine and Moody, he had taken a nasty hit, but he's already gone home."

Try as he might, Remus couldn't bring himself to tell her about Sirius.

"Please wake up," he pleaded quietly. "I need to hear your voice, I need to know you'll be okay."

But she continued to lie quietly, breathing slowly.

With a heavy heart, Remus laid his forehead on their joined hands and closed his eyes, waiting.

* * *

Tonks heard a groan, not realizing it had come from her own mouth.

It was dark. Very dark and quiet. Her entire body ached, every breath was like a dozen burning knives jabbing at her chest. She fought to leave the darkness, but it was too much, she was too tired.

Just as she was about to slip back into the quiet comfort of sleep she heard someone say her name.

"Tonks."

She knew his voice and she desperately wanted to catch up to him. But her throat was painfully dry and she couldn't call out. Another quiet groan slipped past her dry lips.

"Come on, Nymphadora, wake up."

Remus. She wanted to call out his name. He sounded so far away and she wanted to tell him to wait for her, but she couldn't.

"I know you can hear me," he said sternly. "Now, wake up."

He didn't sound so far away now and she knew she could catch up to him if she could just see him. But she was so tired, so weak. Tonks tried to raise her hand to get his attention, but she couldn't lift it. Whimpering in frustration, she fought to pull herself from the dark, painful place in which she was hidden.

"Come on now, love, you can do it."

_He called me love!_ A voice called from deep within her mind.

Beyond the pain, beyond the weakness, she felt something. Something gentle and kind. She felt his hand as he caressed her cheek with a tender touch.

Her eyelids felt as though they weighed two tons as she fought to open them. Remus leaned over her, directly in her line of vision. His face was darkened with stubble and circles under his red eyes. He looked terrible. And concerned.

"Nymphadora," he said quietly as he stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers.

She dragged her dry tongue over her cracked lips. "Don't call me that," she croaked.

A smile that didn't quite reach his wet eyes crossed his face. "I'm going to get a healer."

She realized he was holding her hand and she clutched his convulsively. "Don't…don't leave me."

"I'm not," he promised, carefully laying her hand on the bed. "I'll be right back, I promise."

Tonks looked around the room. Finding that she was too weak yet to lift her head, she moved her eyes. It was a stark white room, very quiet, very clean. St. Mungo's.

She hated being in the hospital. While she enjoyed have time to lie about a bit, she preferred doing it in her own home.

"Good morning, Ms. Tonks," the healer greeted her as he entered the room, Remus at his heels. "How're you feeling?"

"Pretty shitty," she grumbled.

The healer smirked as he examined her. "Can you be more specific?"

"I ache all over," she said as he pried her eyes open and peered in with a small light. "I'm very weak, my head is throbbing terribly and it hurts to breathe."

"Mm hm." The healer stuck a thermometer in her mouth as he checked her pulse. "I understand it hurts, but you're not short of breath?"

"No."

"Good, good." He released her wrist and pressed his fingers along her throat. "You sound a bit hoarse, your throat dry?"

"Mm hm," she mumbled around the thermometer.

He took the tube from her mouth and checked it. "You do have a bit of a fever. I want you to stay here for a couple more days for observation, oh, don't grumble like that, you're quite lucky. I'll be right back."

Tonks turned her head slowly to see Remus standing with his back to her. He was leaning against the wall, staring out the window. "Remus?"

He hesitated a moment before taking a deep breath and turning to face her.

"What happened?"

"You don't remember?" He asked quietly.

"Well, bits and pieces," she admitted softly.

"We'll talk about it later."

"Remus, there's something you're not telling me."

Before he could answer, the door opened again and the healer entered. He carried a small beaker filled with a dark purple liquid that bubbled.

"Drink this up, all of it," he instructed, handing her the glass and pressing the button that lifted the bed so she was in a sitting position.

Tonks groaned as the movement of the bed caused more pain and discomfort.

"Drink that, it'll help."

She looked at the thick, dark liquid. Although it bubbled as though it was boiling, it was cool to the touch. She sniffed it and found that it smelled quite pleasant. But when she sipped it, she gagged at the horrendous taste.

"Drink it quickly, it's easier that way," the healer said. "Trust me, the taste doesn't stay with you long and it will help you feel much better."

Tonks looked at Remus who was leaning against the wall, watching her. He nodded and winked.

Closing her eyes, she brought the glass to her lips again and chugged it as quickly as she could. "Oh, bloody hell! That's awful!" She cried, shoving the now empty beaker back at the healer.

The healer chuckled quietly. "You'll be fine. Rest now and I'll be back to check on you soon."

Tonks nodded, rubbing at her mouth with the back of her hand. But he had been right, the taste didn't last long and she noticed that she felt a bit stronger and the pain was dulled to discomfort. Her mouth and throat were no longer dry and while she was still weak and quite tired, she felt better.

"Your color's coming back," Remus observed.

She touched her cheeks. "Really?"

He nodded. "You were as white as a sheet."

"What happened?"

"What…what's the last thing you remember?" He asked, stepping closer to the bed.

"I—I remember going to the Ministry with you and Sirius and Kingsley and Moody. The children were there and Death Eaters. I remember fighting Bellatrix and….and that's it."

"Bellatrix hit you with a spell, I don't know which one, but you took quite a spill down the steps."

"Was anyone else hurt?"

"Moody, but he's already home, he'll be fine. The children were pretty beat up. Ron and Hermione were both injured and Ginny had what appeared to be a broken ankle and Neville had a broken nose. But they will all be fine, they're back at Hogwarts, as is Dumbledore."

"Harry?"

"He's fine."

Tonks gnawed on her lower lip, thinking that something wasn't right. Sudden fear washed over her as she realized he hadn't mentioned Sirius. Had he been captured? "Remus, what aren't you telling me?" She asked nervously.

He lowered his head. "You need to rest, Tonks, we can talk about it all later."

"Something happened to Sirius, didn't it?" Her voice shook.

He lifted his eyes to hers as a tear he couldn't control slid from his eye.

"No," she groaned, tears filling her own eyes. "No."

"Don't upset yourself more," he said quietly, sitting on the edge of her bed, taking her hand in his. "Calm down. You need to rest."

She dabbed at her eyes with the edge of her sheet, unable to stop the tears. "What happened?"

"We'll talk about this later."

"No, Remus, what happened? Who did it?"

He sighed, his shoulders slumped. "It was Bellatrix. He took over your duel after you were injured and they ended up in front of the dais. She…she hit him with a spell and sent him falling back through the veil."

Remus released the hand he held and she buried her face as the sobs ripped from deep inside her. He leaned closer, wrapping both arms around her in a comforting hug. Tonks leaned heavily against him, drawing strength from his closeness and comfort from his embrace.

He gently stroked her hair, waiting for her to calm herself.

"He was like a brother to me," she whispered, her cheek still resting against his shoulder.

"I know," he replied quietly, a tremor in his own voice.

She lifted her tear streaked face to his. "Yes, I suppose you do know. I miss him already."

He gently cupped her cheek, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb. "So do I."

"How's Harry?"

"I haven't seen him. Dumbledore sent him directly to Hogwarts."

"He must be devastated," she whispered, another tear falling out of sympathy for the boy.

"I'm sure he is now, but he'll get through, we all will. If it was Sirius' time to go, he went the way he wanted to go, fitting the Death Eaters and supporting Harry."

"Do you suppose he's with James and Lily now?"

"I like to think so," he whispered.

"And the three of them are looking after Harry."

Remus smiled softly and she could very clearly read every emotion on his face. Her heart raced and her head throbbed with each heartbeat.

"What about you?" She asked quietly.

"What about me?"

Tonks leaned against him again, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her face into his throat. She felt him sigh before bringing his arms around her again, just holding her.

"I'll be fine," he whispered, ruffling her hair with his breath.


	15. Chapter 15

Remus took the Weasley's up on their offer and stayed in Charlie's room for a few days. He knew he couldn't stay for long, especially with the full moon coming, but he was glad to not be alone.

Tonks had gone back to her flat and he visited her regularly. They spent most of their time together talking, reminiscing about Sirius, growing closer together. The spell Bellatrix had hit her with had taken a lot from her. He brought her cakes and meals that Molly sent, making sure she actually ate while she was recuperating. When he had last visited her, the day before, he had ended up reading to her while she laid on her couch.

By the end of the week, she was looking and feeling a lot better and planning to return to work the following Monday.

It was the time he spent with her that helped him deal with the loss of Sirius. But he was afraid he was going down a road he wouldn't be able to return from. As much as he tried to fight it, as much as he denied it to himself and others, Remus knew he was in love with Nymphadora Tonks. Completely, utterly, head-over-heels in love with her.

But he knew he couldn't act on it. He had nothing to offer her, he was too old, too dangerous. She had so much going for her, she could do so much with her life. The last thing in the world she needed was a poor, old man dragging her down. There were places he couldn't go, he would never be fully accepted into society and he couldn't ask her to give up her life, some of her freedoms, to be with him.

He also knew he couldn't continue to take advantage of the Weasley's kindness and he had to find a new place to stay. He knew of a community of werewolves where he could stay and that would probably be the best place for now, at least until the next full moon passed.

"Remus, are you busy?" Molly called as she knocked on the door.

"No, Molly, come on in."

"Oh, dear, what are you doing?" She asked, seeing his suitcase open on the bed.

"I really appreciate all that you've done for me, Molly, I really do, but it's time for me to move on."

"Where will you go?"

"I have a place. I'll be doing some work for the Order."

"Oh, well, you'll keep in touch, won't you?"

"Of course."

"And any time you're craving a home cooked meal, just come, there's always a spot at the table for you."

Remus smiled. "I can't tell you how much that means to me. Thank you, Molly."

"Oh, yes, the reason I came up here was to tell you Moody is downstairs, he'd like a word with you."

"Thank you, I'll be down in a moment."

Molly turned to leave, but stopped and glanced over her shoulder. "Does Tonks know you're leaving?"

"Uh, no, we haven't discussed it."

"I'm sure she'd like to know."

He nodded and closed the lid of his case.

Molly left, leaving the door open behind her.

How was he going to tell Tonks? Remus knew she would argue, try to convince him not to go. More than anything, he needed to put space between himself and her. It's what would be best for both of them. Now he just needed to gather the nerve to tell her about it.

Moody was standing in front of the fireplace in the kitchen when Remus came downstairs. "Good afternoon, Mad-Eye, how are you?"

"As well as can be expected. What do you have planned for tomorrow, Lupin?"

"Uh, nothing much, why?"

"I was talking to Albus and we got to the topic of Potter. I'm planning on being at King's Cross when the Hogwart's Express arrives, make sure he gets there safely. Would you be interested in joining me?"

"Absolutely. I haven't seen him since…" Remus trailed off.

Mad-Eye nodded and grunted.

"Will you stay for supper, Alastor?" Molly asked as she took some plates out of the cupboard.

"That's very kind of you, Molly."

"We'd love to have you. Arthur and Bill should be home soon and Tonks is coming over."

"She is?" Remus asked.

Molly smiled at him. "I spoke with her yesterday and she was feeling much better, so I sent her an owl this afternoon and invited her over. She said she was looking forward to getting out of her flat."

"Hm," Moody grunted. "Maybe she would want to go tomorrow as well. Do her good to get out more, build up her strength again."

_So much for keeping my distance from her_, Remus thought as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Lupin!"

Remus jumped at the sound of Moody calling him. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Yes, Molly told me you're planning to go underground with some werewolves."

"Yes, I am."

"You sure that's a good idea?"

Remus shrugged. "I have to go somewhere, do something. I can keep an ear to the ground, keep an eye on things. I don't know if I can convince any of them to join us, but if Voldemort is succeeding in drafting them to his side, I'll be able to get an idea of how his side is growing."

Moody nodded sharply. "Good man, Lupin, just watch your back."

* * *

Tonks was excited about getting out of her flat. She had spent the last week resting and doing her best to build up her strength again. But then having been injured did have its upside as well. Remus had stopped by each day to check on her.

She wasn't ashamed to admit that she enjoyed him fussing over her. Even as she began to feel better, Tonks curled up on the sofa and let him bring her tea or fix her a snack. He tended to her fire and made sure that she was comfortable before he left. But she liked it best when they sat on the sofa and just talked.

They talked about everything from Sirius to her work to the Order to his teaching days to books to her childhood. Tonks noticed that he wasn't too interested in talking about his youth. Other than his time with James and Sirius, he didn't talk much about himself at all. She knew his parents had both passed on and that he had no brothers or sisters, but she couldn't get anything else out of him.

She had known she was in love with him, but the more time she spent with him, the deeper she fell. He was such a good man, patient, kind, funny, and intelligent. When he had found out she was reading a silly romance, he had brought her an old book called 'Jane Eyre', telling her that if she wanted to read romance, it should at least be worth her time. And that evening, before he left, he read to her the first two chapters.

"I promise you, it gets romantic," he assured her, setting the book on the end table.

"I'm sure. Why do all romantic characters seem to have terrible childhoods?" She asked.

"Well, I suppose it's to show how a person can rise above terrible situations. They can overcome adversity to find love."

Tonks watched him as he explained, wondering if there was a hidden meaning to his words.

"Uh, well, I'm going to, uh, to head back to the Weasleys," Remus mumbled nervously.

"Okay. Good night, Remus, thanks for everything." She went to get up and walk him to the door when he stopped her.

"Please, don't get up, just rest, I can show myself out."

"Will…will you come back tomorrow?"

"I'll try."

As soon as he was gone, Tonks leaned back against the couch and stared into the fire crackling in front of her. She always felt down after he left, wishing he would have stayed just a bit longer.

He hadn't come to visit that day, but the invitation from Molly to join them for dinner had certainly raised her spirits. The chance to get out of her flat and see Remus left her feeling excited and a little nervous.

She stood in front of her mirror and turned from side to side. The blue short sleevedjumper was comfortable and nice looking, but was it something that would get his attention? No, the high neck wasn't exactly sexy. She whirled around and looked at the discarded tops she had tossed on the floor and the bed.

"Ah ha!" Tonks grinned and pulled at the sleeve that poked out from under a pile of clothes. She pulled off her top and tossed it toward her bed and slipped on the blouse she had just bought the week before. It was an off the shoulder peasant top in the palest shade of green she had ever seen. What had caught her attention was the elaborate orange, white, and green embroidery down the outside of each sleeve.

Turning back to the mirror, she ran her fingers through her pink spikes and performed a quick charm to apply some subtle makeup to her face. When she was pleased with her appearance she turned and caught sight of the clock. Swearing under her breath, she raced through her flat, grabbing a light robe and her wand before leaving the wards around her place and apparating to the Burrow.

She was a few minutes late when she knocked on the front door.

"Who is it?" Bill Weasley called through the door.

"Wotcher, Bill," she called back. "It's me, Tonks."

The door swung open and he grinned at her. "Tonks, come on in. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you, how are you?"

"Good, good. I'm glad you could make it, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine."

Tonks raised her eyebrows as she handed him her robe. "A friend?"

He met her questioning gaze with a grin. "Yes, a very special friend."

"Oh, Tonks, I'm so glad you could come," Molly called as she hurried out of the kitchen to greet her. "Oh, you do look good, you were do pale for a while there, I was so worried about you. Come along, everyone is in the parlor, supper should be ready soon, I hope you're hungry."

Tonks followed her and Bill down the hall. "I skipped lunch in anticipation."

"You better be joking. Someone in your condition needs all the help she can get building up her strength." Molly lectured.

"Have a seat, Tonks, can I get you a drink?" Bill asked.

"Oh, yes, um, some pumpkin juice would be nice."

"Of course. Tonks, you know Moody and Lupin and my father."

She nodded to each of them. "Hello, Mad-Eye, Remus, Arthur."

"And this is a friend of mine." Bill held his hand out to a beautiful young lady with silvery-blonde hair. "Fleur Delacour. Fleur, this is a friend of ours, Nymphadora Tonks."

"Eet ees my pleasure," Fleur said in a heavily accented voice as she rose to greet Tonks.

"Nice to meet you, please call me Tonks." She stepped closer, extending her hand in greeting when her foot hit the leg of an end table and she fell to her knees.

"Oh my!" Fleur gasped.

"Are you okay?" Bill asked, offering her a hand.

Tonks sighed. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you, just feeling like a fool. As usual."

"What an interesting blouse," Fleur said as Tonks stood and brushed off her knees.

She choose to ignore the obvious condescension in the other woman's voice. "Thanks, I just got it."

"Have a seat, Tonks, I'll go get your juice," Bill said.

Tonks looked around and saw her choices were limited. Fleur was on the loveseat, the other half was obviously being reserved for Bill. Moody sat in the chair in the far corner while Arthur and Remus sat on the sofa. The only other seats were a stool by the fireplace or the floor. Smiling, Remus shifted to the side and made room for her between him and Arthur.

"You look well," he said softly as she sat beside him.

"Thank you. I feel a lot better."

Bill returned and handed her a glass of juice. "I heard you're heading back to work on Monday."

"Yes I am. I've looked forward to getting back to work."

"If you're feeling up to it," Moody spoke up. "Lupin and I are going to King's Cross tomorrow to see Potter, make sure he gets there safely, if you'd like to join us."

"Oh yes," she leaned forward anxiously. "I'd love to go. How is Harry? Have you heard from him?"

"I spoke to Dumbledore yesterday and he said the boy is doing as well as can be expected."

"I guess he's going back to his aunt and uncle, huh?"

Lupin nodded. "Dumbledore insists on it."

"I don't understand why, I mean he has other places he can go."

"Dumbledore has his reasons," Arthur said. "Believe me, we've tried to get him to allow Harry to come straight here from Hogwarts, but he just won't allow it."

Tonks sat back on the sofa and sipped her drink. "I wonder why that is."

"He hasn't explained it to us, but as soon as he can, Harry will be joining us here," Arthur explained.

"I wonder if…oh, bloody hell!" Tonks jumped to her feet after spilling most of her juice down the front of her. To her embarrassment, the thin fabric of her new blouse became nearly transparent when liquid hit it. She hurried out of the parlor, her face burning and joined Molly in the kitchen.

"Oh dear, what happened?" Molly asked.

"I'm a complete klutz is what happened," Tonks grumbled, setting her glass in the sink and washing the sticky juice from her hands.

"It's all right, come here, dear." Molly pointed her wand at Tonks' torso and with the flick of her wand, performed a cleaning spell. "There you go, good as new. Supper should be ready in a moment."

"Oh, can I help?"

"Um, no, dear, I appreciate the offer. I would think you'd like to spend some time with Remus before he goes."

Tonks froze. "What?"

"Didn't he tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Molly turned from the stove, a sympathetic expression on her face. "I'm sorry, Tonks, I'd have thought he told you. Remus is going underground."

"What do you mean? I thought the werewolves weren't cooperating."

"They haven't been, but he said he has a place to stay and he's going to keep an ear to the ground, listen for news."

Tonks shook her head. "That's not safe."

"We've made it clear that he's welcome to stay here as long as he likes, but he's afraid he's stayed too long as it is. I don't like this any more than you do, but he's too independent."

"I'll have a word with him," Tonks muttered.

"It will have to wait. Supper is ready. Could you please call the others in for me?"

"Sure," Tonks replied absentmindedly.

"I shouldn't have said anything," Molly sighed.

Tonks returned to the parlor to find Fleur in the middle of a story about her days in Beauxbatons. Bill was listening raptly, his eyes glued to her face while Arthur and Remus were listening politely. Moody's glass eye was rolled back in his head, looking somewhere other than at the beautiful young woman. When she entered the room, Remus looked up and flashed her a smile.

"Dinner's ready," she announced.

Moody grunted and pushed himself to his feet. Bill stood and held out his hand to Fleur, helping her to her feet. Remus followed Arthur and stopped beside Tonks.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

She nodded stiffly. "When were you going to tell me you're going back to the werewolves?"

"It, uh, it just hadn't come up yet."

"Were you planning to tell me?"

"Yes. Later."

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"We can talk later." Remus took her arm and steered her toward the kitchen. "Right now, we're being rude."

"We _will_ talk about it," she hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

Remus didn't respond as they joined the others around the table in the kitchen.


	16. Chapter 16

Hi all,

I just wanted to write a quick note to remind you all that aside from the characters and the bits I had to borrow from J.K. Rowling, this story is from my imagination. This is just my view of what happened between Tonks and Lupin from their meeting until the beginning of my next story, Unlikely Soulmates. So, all relative disclaimers apply, I'm just having a little fun with the characters.

Thank you for your awesome reviews, I really appreciate them!  
Enjoy,  
Failte

* * *

Tonks went home angry. She had had a good time with her friends and shared a wonderful meal with them. Molly had packed up and sent home enough food to feed her for several days. But she was angry when she arrived at her flat.

There had been no time for her to speak privately with Remus and he had made it quite clear that he wasn't going to discuss it with everyone else around. Moody had broached the subject once during supper but Remus had quickly, and sternly, changed the subject. After dinner, they did not get a moment alone to talk with Fleur taking over the conversation, telling them all about herself, how France is so much better than England, and Beauxbatons is superior to Hogwarts.

Tonks noticed that Molly seemed more and more strained as the evening went on and she wondered if Molly approved of her son's girlfriend.

She had hoped to wait out the other guests and get Remus alone, but it didn't happen. Neither Moody nor Fleur seemed to be in a hurry to leave and as the night wore on Tonks was finding it harder and harder to keep her head up.

"Tonks, dear," Molly spoke up. "You're obviously exhausted. Would you like to lie down a bit upstairs?"

"Oh, no, Molly, thank you, I'm fine," she assured her.

"It's your first night out, don't push yourself," Remus said quietly.

Tonks scowled at him. "I'm fine, I can take care of myself."

"It ees getting late," Fleur said. "We have work in de morning, Beel."

"Oh, you have to leave so soon?" Molly asked, not sounding too disappointed.

"Oui." Fleur stood and smoothed her hands over the satiny smooth fabric of her pale blue robes.

Tonks joined the others as the filed down the hallway and wished Bill and Fleur a good night. Before she could say anything to Remus, he glanced at his watch and told everyone he was going to head up to bed since it was getting so late. Before she knew it, Moody had left and Tonks was standing in the hallway alone with Molly and Arthur.

"Are you all right to get home, dear?" Molly asked.

With a heavy heart and more than a bit of anger, Tonks nodded. "I'm fine."

"Let me pack some things up for you to take with you."

"I appreciate that, Molly, but I don't want you to go to any trouble."

"Oh no trouble, dear."

And that was how Tonks found herself standing in her flat, alone, her arms laden with parcels of food, and angry. Remus knew she wanted to talk to him and he had made it a point to avoid her.

"Not matter what, Remus Lupin, tomorrow, you and I will talk about this stupid mission you're going on," Tonks announced to the quiet flat.

* * *

She had thought the trip to King's Cross station would be a fun trip out. But seeing Harry again, how tired and sad he looked, and noticing how seeing Harry had an obvious effect on Remus, Tonks almost wished she hadn't gone. The loss of Sirius suddenly seemed even larger and more painful.

But they had all pulled together and let the Dursley's know, in no uncertain terms, that if they heard Harry was being mistreated or if they didn't hear from him for three days, someone would be around to check on him. Moody had certainly gotten his point across and Vernon Dursley was not going to forget him any time soon.

The smile on Harry's face when he waved farewell was enough of a response to all of them. Tonks swallowed hard around the lump in her throat as she watched the boy leave with his aunt and uncle.

"Well, we'll see him again soon," Molly said tearfully as she ushered Ron, Ginny and the twins away. "Alastor, Remus, Tonks, we'll see you soon."

Tonks waved and took a step closer to Remus. "Where are you going now?"

He flashed her a smile. "I have a place to go."

"Are you in a hurry?"

"I don't think so. Why?"

"I was…wondering if you'd like to come back to my place for a cuppa."

Remus hesitated, contemplating his response. "Sure. I have a little time."

The two of them bade farewell to Moody and apparated to her flat.

"I haven't been here since you first moved in," Remus said, looking around the main room. "It looks nice."

Tonks nodded. "Thanks, I like it. Have a seat, I'll put the water on to boil."

Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears as she stumbled over the edge of an upturned rug. She set the kettle on the stove and dug through her cupboards, looking for two mugs that were similar looking since no two were matching. Her fingers trembled as she measured out the tea and set the teapot on a tray. Molly had sent some biscuits with her the day before and she decided to set out a plate of those as well.

"Tonks."

His voice startled her and she dropped the plate she was holding. "Damn it!"

Remus took out his wand and repaired the plate. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

She blew out a frustrated breath and slammed the container of biscuits on the counter. "Did Dumbledore ask you to go back underground with the werewolves?"

"We talked about it. He hasn't discouraged me, I think he thinks it's a good idea."

Tonks glared at the broken cookies, unable to look at him. "It isn't safe."

"Nowhere is really safe right now."

"Will you be around to visit?"

He took a hesitant step toward her. "Not often. I don't want to arouse suspicion among the werewolves, I need to gain their confidence and if I keep disappearing to visit muggles, they won't trust me."

She slowly lifted her eyes to his. "I'll worry about you, terribly."

"Please don't," he pleaded quietly, his voice cracking.

"I can't help it, you're too important to me."

His shoulders slumped and he lowered his head. "I—I think my going away is the best thing for both of us."

"How can you say that?" She cried, grabbing the front of the overcoat he still wore.

"Tonks, please…don't do this."

"What is wrong with you?"

"I—I don't know what you mean," he stammered, trying to take a step back.

Her voice trembled as she kept a grip on his coat, not letting him run away again. "Don't go. Please, don't go."

"I have to."

"Why?"

"I—I need to get away."

"Away? Away from what?"

He stared at the white linoleum of her kitchen floor, refusing to look up at her.

"It's me, isn't it?" She asked quietly, slowly releasing him. "You can't stand to be around me."

"No." He lifted his head and met her eyes with a look of regret and sadness. "It's not you, it's me. I just…I have to get away, for my own sanity."

"Moving in with a group of dangerous werewolves is how you save your sanity?"

Remus ran his hand through her hair. "Tonks…you have no idea what this is like for me."

"Tell me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"You…you wouldn't understand."

"I don't know why you can't tell me. I think I would understand better than you think I will."

He shook his head. "Thank you for the invitation, but I think I should go."

"No, Remus, damn it! Stop running away!"

"I'm not running away."

"Yes you are!" Tonks whirled away from him, taking the kettle off the flame as it whistled. "You keep running away and I don't know if it's because you're afraid of me or disgusted by me."

He laid his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him. When he spoke, his voice was low and shaking. "You have no idea what you do to me."

"How am I supposed to interpret that?" She asked angrily.

"I know you don't understand this, but I need you to trust me. The best thing for both of us is for me to get far away from you. For your own good."

"For my own good?" She asked, incredulously. "How do you know what's for my own good when you won't even talk to me? Don't you think I should have a say in what's for my own good?"

Remus lowered his head and fisted his hands in his hair. "You're killing me, Tonks."

"_I'm_ killing _you_? Come on, Remus! Do you have any idea what your mixed signals and rejections do to me? You come up with weak excuses and run away whenever we get close. You insult my intellect and treat me like a child!"

"I never mean to insult you or treat you like a child. I mean you no disrespect and I would never hurt you…"

"Hurt me!" She threw her arms up in the air. "It seems like you enjoy it, you do it so much."

"You think I'm not hurting?" He asked, his voice rising. "You have no idea what this does to me!"

"And so your answer is to run away!"

"It's for the best!"

"For who!"

"For you! For me! For both of us!"

"How can it be the best for me when I love you!" Tonks gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth.

Remus froze, every muscle in his body tensed. He couldn't look her in the eye, but his gaze bore a hole into the front of her refrigerator.

"Okay, I hadn't meant to let that slip out," she whispered, her voice shaking. "But I'm not going to take it back or regret that I said it."

He slowly shook his head. "No you don't."

"What?"

"You don't…you don't l—love me. We're living in a very high stress time and emotions are running all over the place, but you don't love me. You're confused…"

"Oh, so now you're saying I don't know my own feelings?" Tonks grabbed him by the front of his coat and stood on her toes, pressing her lips to his.

Remus grasped her wrists and tried to pry her fingers from his coat. He lifted his head trying to break the kiss, but she clung to him insistently and he felt his will start to crumble. He was drowning in her taste, her scent and he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to come up for air. "Tonks."

She broke the kiss, but held fast to him. He was obviously conflicted and it broke her heart a bit. Before she could stop it, a tear slid from her eye and raced down her cheek to fall from her chin.

He cupped her cheek with his hand and gently stopped the next tear with his thumb. "You'll be the death of me, Nymphadora Tonks."

"I do love you," she whispered.

Without a word, he slid his hand around to cradle the back of her head and bent to capture her lips with his own in a long, drawn out kiss.

Tonks released his coat and slid her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his, feeling him tremble against her.

Remus wrapped his other arm around her waist, deepening the kiss even as he knew it was wrong. He felt her push the coat off his shoulders and vaguely heard it hit the floor. His hands slid down her sides and then under the Weird Sister's shirt she wore. Her own hands were pushing the shabby jumper he wore up his torso until he lifted his arms and allowed her to pull it off completely.

Tonks ran her hands over his scarred chest and flat stomach. She couldn't feel enough of him, get close enough to him. Grabbing the hem of her t-shirt, she yanked it over her head and pressed her body to his again, feeling his heated flesh against her own. She could feel his heart race as his hands stroked her back and his mouth peppered her face and neck with tender kisses.

A groan came from deep within him as she ground her pelvis against his, feeling his excitement grow.

"Maybe we should move this to the bedroom," she suggested, tilting her head back to allow him better access to her throat.

He grunted his assent and allowed her to lead him out of the kitchen. Remus continued to run his hands over her body and press his lips to her heated skin as they stumbled down the short hallway to her bedroom. He knew it was wrong, he knew he should stop, but he couldn't. It was all too much, she was too much. And she loved him.

Her bedroom was cluttered and they stumbled over discarded clothes to the bed. He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. The passion welling up deep inside him, the need, the lust. He had wanted her before, but now that he knew how she felt, he needed her.

"Remus."

He heard her husky whispers as she raked her nails up and down his back, sending shivers and lust shooting through his body. He knew, as he rolled across the bed with her, pressing her into the mattress beneath him, that his body had completely taken over. His heart had overtaken his brain. This was wrong. Very, very wrong. But he couldn't stop.

She arched against him as he unhooked her bra and she slid her hands between them to the zipper of his trousers. "I love you so much," she whispered against his ear.

Remus lifted his head and looked down at her. Her pink spikes were disheveled from his hands, her face was flushed and her lips swollen. She was watching him through heavy lidded eyes as he swept his gaze down her body, she was so beautiful he felt his arms weaken as he tried to hold his weight off her.

"Remus?" She reached up and stroked his cheek with her fingertips.

He slowly shook his head and pushed himself off her.

"You're running away again, aren't you?" Tonks asked, her voice trembling.

He sat on the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands.

"I think it's pretty obvious you feel something for me," she said quietly. "You're not the kind of man who would use a woman for a quick roll in the hay."

"I can't do this," he murmured. "This isn't fair to you."

"You weren't doing it alone."

"Damn it, Tonks! You just don't get it!" He cried, jumping to his feet and whirling around to face her. He knew immediately that was a mistake as he saw her sprawled across her bed, half naked and looking absolutely stunning. Remus nearly fell to his knees beside her. "Of course I want you! I want you so much it is eating me alive!"

She pushed herself up and slowly stood. "Then I don't understand what the problem is."

Remus let his head fall forward until his chin touched his chest and his eyes closed. "My mum was the last woman to tell me she loved me."

Tonks stepped closer and touched his arm. She longed to wrap her arms around him but knew he would pull away. "I meant it, you know, I love you."

"Stop. Just…stop." He took a step back. "We can't do this. We can't be together."

"Why?" She cried.

"Because…because I'm too old for you. I have no money, nothing to offer you and I'm dangerous." He turned away from her, feeling very vulnerable and wishing he had his jumper to cover himself.

"Those are just excuses, Remus, excuses to try and cover the fact that you're scared."

"It's the truth."

"You're not too old for me, that's just a stupid thing to say. I don't care how much money you do or don't have, I never asked you for anything but yourself, and you are not dangerous, you've never hurt anyone, why would you start with me?"

He whirled back around and gestured to his own body and the years of scarring. "Not dangerous? Look at me! I did this! I am dangerous! You say you've never asked me for anything but myself, well, that's just more than I can give!"

"You're a coward, Remus Lupin!" She called after him as he left her bedroom.

"I know," he whispered.

Tonks grabbed a jumper off the floor of her bedroom and yanked it over her head before following him down the hall. "I love you and I know you care for me, but you're willing to throw it all away for no good reason."

Remus pulled his own jumper on and turned to face her. "I know you don't understand, but someday you will. Someday you'll realize this was the best for both of us. You have no idea what it means to be involved with a dark creature. I'm not welcome to places you go to freely, I'll never be able to hold down a steady job, you would lose friends, and be shunned by society, not because _you_ are a dark creature, but because you choose to be with one."

Tears fell freely down her cheeks and she made no movement to stop them. "What if I told you none of that mattered to me?"

Remus bent slowly and picked up his coat. He walked to her and tenderly brushed the tears from her cheeks. "You're an amazing witch, Nymphadora Tonks, and you will always be important to me."

She grabbed his hand before he could walk past her. "Please, Remus, don't go. Don't leave me." She pleaded tearfully.

He gently pulled his hand from hers and met her eyes with his own tearful gaze. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"Too late," she whispered.

He hesitated, almost as though he wanted to say something else. Instead, he walked past her and left, carefully closing the door behind him as he heard her sobbing. Remus paused a moment outside her closed front door. But he knew this was for the best, for both of them.

With a painfully broken heart and guilt weighing heavily on him, Remus Lupin left.


	17. Chapter 17

Remus watched as the owl carrying his response to Molly flew up through the trees and disappeared past the leaves. She wrote to him at least once a week, asking him to join them for dinner, but he turned her down each time. Until now. When she mentioned that they were expecting Harry, he couldn't resist seeing the boy again. If Tonks was going to be there, he would find a way to deal with it then.

It had been a month since he had left her flat and it was still a raw, painful wound to even think about. The image of her tear stained face and the sound of her sobbing followed him everywhere. He did his best to keep busy, to keep his mind off her, but it wasn't easy. Molly had told him about Tonks and what she was going through. He knew she was having trouble metamorphmagizing and that she seemed despondent. Molly's letters were full of gentle nagging, admonishing him for not keeping in contact with Tonks, but he couldn't do it. Writing to her, talking to her, was just too painful.

A rustling sound behind him had Remus whirling around, his wand held out in front of him.

"Oh, put it down, Lupin, I'm not about ta harm ye."

Remus pocketed his wand. "Sorry about that, Randolph. Can't be too careful."

The older gentleman nodded, his movements slowed by age and his condition. "Sending mail?"

"Yes."

"Ye have a lot of friends on the outside."

Remus shrugged.

"It's not a crime, a lot of the people here dream of having friends on the outside."

"It seems like I keep losing them," he muttered.

Randolph nodded sadly as they moved single file through the narrow path. "This is a lonely existence we lead."

With his shoulders slumped, Remus nodded.

The werewolf commune was a cluster of broken down huts and shacks. The people who inhabited it were a hollow-eyed, group of emaciated, broken down creatures existing one day at a time. They lived on the meager vegetables they could grow in a small meadow and the small animals they were able to capture in the woods. They were ignored or forgotten by the wizarding society.

For the most part, they all kept to themselves, a group of angry loners. But Remus, who had become accustomed to the company of others, had befriended Randolph, an aged werewolf from southern England. He had been bitten as a teenager and left to his own devices at the age of fifteen. After wandering for several years, he finally found and settled in a condemned house with two other werewolves and from there, the three of them started this commune. Now twenty six men and seventeen women lived in the small community.

Remus had moved into the vacant second room in Randolph's three room shack. There were two bedrooms and a main room that served as both a kitchen and living room.

"Hi, Remus!"

He looked up at the greeting and saw Selena, a woman about his age. Like everyone else there, she was aged beyond her years, with a scarred visage and stringy, gray streaked blonde hair. She might have been beautiful if she hadn't been ravaged by her condition.

"Selena, hello, how are you?"

She smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "As well as can be expected. How are you?"

"Fine, thank you." Remus noticed that Randolph had moved away, leaving the two of them alone.

"Um, I know its short notice, but, well, I was wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner," she stammered. "I—I caught a rabbit in my trap and I make a mean stew."

He smiled. "Thank you, Selena, I appreciate the offer, but I can't."

"Oh, of course, I understand. Maybe some other time." She hurried off to her hut, her face burning.

"Why can't you?" Randolph asked when Remus caught up with him.

"I just…can't," he replied weakly.

"Selena has been smitten with ye since ye arrived."

"She's a nice girl."

Randolph nodded as they arrived at the rundown old building they shared. "Then why won't ye take her up on her offer."

Remus shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess I'm just not interested."

"Why would ye not be interested? She's pretty and men in our condition don't usually get women."

Remus didn't respond.

"Oh, I see, ye're a poof."

"What? No!"

Randolph nodded sagely, moving slowly toward the tiny, two burner stove. "Would ye like some tea?"

"Yes, thank you." Remus sank down on the rickety old chair beside the three-legged table.

"So, who is she?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, ye're not a poof, ye've turned down Selena several times, so I'm thinking ye have a woman on ye're mind. Did ye fall in love with her and she shun ye?"

Remus shook his head, turning to look out the cracked window.

"She fell in love with ye and when she found out ye were a werewolf, she ran off screaming."

"No, not quite," he sighed.

"If ye tell me that ye fell in love with some woman who loves ye and she stuck with ye after she found out about ye're condition, and ye left her, I'll smack ye upside the head."

"It's not that simple."

Randolph carried two chipped mugs to the table and sat across from his friend. "Who was she?"

Remus rested his chin on his fist and tried to decide if he wanted to tell him about her.

"Is she why ye left the outside world and ended up here?"

"Yeah."

"Is she worth it?"

Remus turned to face his friend. "Absolutely."

* * *

"I just don't understand his thinking," Tonks sighed heavily. "I have no idea where he is, or how he is doing." 

"I've heard from and I know he's safe," Molly assured her. "He's been pushing all of us away, it wasn't until I told him we were expecting Harry that he agreed to come to dinner."

"So you will be seeing him?"

"Yes, dear, you are more than welcome to join us as well."

"Thank you, Molly, but I think it would be rather awkward." Tonks looked down at her teacup. _And I don't want him to see me like this_, she thought miserably. Her hair hung to her shoulders in a dull, mousy brown color and her face was nearly colorless. She had tried to change, but her heart just wasn't in it.

"I'll have a word with him…"

"No," Tonks interrupted. "I appreciate the thought, Molly, really I do, but it's done. It's over."

The older woman smiled sympathetically. "I am sorry, dear."

"So am I."

"Maybe…maybe this time apart will awaken something inside him and he'll realize what a hard-headed moron he's being."

Tonks smirked. "Hopefully."

They both jumped at the knock on the door. It was quite late on a Saturday evening and Molly had mentioned when Tonks had shown up an hour earlier that she wasn't expecting any company.

Molly crept to the backdoor. "Who's there? Declare yourself!"

Tonks clutched her wand in her hand, ready to pounce if necessary. But she pocketed it and relaxed as Molly opened the door to Dumbledore and Harry. She didn't miss the look of surprise on Harry's face when he saw her and she suddenly felt the need to leave. She bade them all good night and thanked Molly for her sympathetic ear before apparating back to her flat.

It was quiet and lonely in her flat. She had just found out that morning that she was going to be stationed at Hogwarts during the school year. At least she would be too busy to worry about Remus.

"Bloody hell," she groaned, catching sight of herself in the mirror as she entered her bedroom. Closing her eyes and scrunching up her face, Tonks concentrated as hard as she could. When she opened them again, her hair was still the limp, mousy brown and her face was frightfully pale.

She wasn't sure if it was the pain or the shock of all that had happened lately, but she was having a hard time metamorphosizing. Maybe it was exhaustion, she hadn't been sleeping well at all. A million thoughts raced through her head, keeping her up late into the night.

Why was Remus being so difficult? Why did he keep pushing her away when all she wanted to do was love him? Where was he? Was he safe? Was he okay? Was he getting enough to eat? Did he need anything?

And then she would start thinking about Sirius. Was it her fault he was gone? If she had just finished Bellatrix off, Sirius would still be with them. What kind of auror was she?

Tonks had mentioned that to Remus once. It was the first time she had ever seen him down right furious.

_It had happened two days after she had been released from St. Mungo's. Remus had come to visit, carrying a parcel of Shepard's pie, fresh bread, cookies, and a bottle of pumpkin juice. She had been curled up on the couch, thinking about Sirius._

_"Molly wants to make sure you have plenty to eat," he said, carrying the food into the kitchen. "I swear, she is her happiest when she's fretting over all of us."_

_Tonks didn't answer, not trusting her voice as she had spent most of the past hour, crying._

_"Are you okay? Are you in pain?" Remus asked, returning to the living room._

_She shrugged._

_He knelt in front of her, laying a gentle hand on her knee. "What is it, Tonks?"_

_"I—I was just…thinking…about…Sirius," she mumbled, a tear sliding from her eye._

_"He seems to be all I think about any more, too," Remus admitted quietly. "But you have to remember that he went the way he wanted to go. He was fighting for the cause and protecting Harry. There was no way any of us could have stopped him."_

_"But…" She stopped, biting hard on her lip._

_"But what?"_

_"I was fighting Bellatrix, if I had defeated her, then Sirius would still be here," she explained, the words tumbling out in a rush, not meeting his eyes. "What kind of auror am I? Sirius is dead because of me."_

_Remus stood abruptly and began pacing the room. "That is the stupidest damn thing I've ever heard!"_

_She looked up, shocked at his outburst and the fact that he had sworn._

_He whirled around to face her, his eyes blazing. "It was not your fault! Never think that! You went in there with the rest of us and fought, you fought hard. Sirius is gone, not because of you, but because of Voldemort and Bellatrix, it's their fault, not yours."_

_Tonks blinked furiously, fighting back tears. "I know you mean well, but the truth is that if I were a better auror, Bellatrix would be dead, not Sirius, and…"_

_Remus grabbed her hands and hauled her to her feet. "Damn it, Tonks! Stop that! It was not your fault! Why can't I make you understand that? Sirius was my best mate, the last of my friends, losing him was…was one of the most difficult things to ever happen to me. But I never once blamed you, I never once thought it was your fault, I place the blame where it belongs, on Bellatrix and Voldemort. Please, don't do this to yourself. It was not your fault."_

_She looked up at him, a bit shaken by his anger._

_He gently touched her cheek with his fingertips and held her eyes with his own. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice. I don't want you to upset yourself with these thoughts."_

_"I can't help it," Tonks whispered, trembling at his touch._

_"I know Sirius better than you do and he would never have blamed you. He would have laughed and told you you're being daft. Then he would tell you to shake off this mood and get ready to fight the good fight."_

_"I—I was afraid you'd resent me," she said quietly, her voice shaking as more tears fell._

_He spread his hand and cupped her cheek. "I could never resent you. I admire you and all you've done."_

_"But if I had just…"_

_Remus shifted his hand to cover her mouth. "Do not finish that statement, you'll just anger me again."_

_She nodded, trying valiantly to stem the flow of tears._

_"I will only say it one more time. It was not your fault. I don't think it was, neither does Dumbledore or Harry or anyone else who was there, so stop blaming yourself, understand?"_

_She nodded again._

_"All right then." He dropped his hand and released her. "What do you say I whip up some tea and we have a chat about the weather?"_

_Tonks wiped the back of her hand over her eyes. "Sounds good to me."_

They never discussed it again. Tonks was afraid to bring it up for fear of angering him again, but his words had helped her.

She glanced at the calendar that hung on the wall in her bedroom. The phases of the moon were marked off on each month and she saw that it was less than a week until the next full moon. An idea began to form in her mind. She knew she shouldn't do it, but she wanted to.

"If I have to suffer in my thoughts of him, then I want to make sure he's thinking of me and what he's lost," she told her reflection.

* * *

"An owl came for ye." 

Remus looked up, surprised. He was sitting against a fallen tree not far from their shack when Randolph limped over, carrying a small parcel. "What?"

"An owl. Just arrived, has yer name on it." The old man held the carefully wrapped box out to him.

"Oh, uh, thank you." Remus set his book aside and took the box. Sure enough his name was scrawled across the top in a familiar, feminine hand. A quiet groan escaped her lips.

"It's from _her_, isn't it?" Randolph asked.

"Uh, yes, it is."

"Well, I'll leave ye then. Ye'll probably be wantin' ta open that alone."

"Thank you." Remus continued to stare at the box, not noticing his hands were trembling a bit. Randolph left and he found himself alone with his thoughts. It was eerily quiet in the woods, which is why he had chosen the spot to hide away with his reading. Part of him was dying to know what she sent while another part was terrified.

"Oh, be a man," he grumbled to himself.

Quickly disposing of the brown wrapper, he lifted the lid and found a folded piece of parchment.

**Remus.**

**I'm sure you're surprised to hear from me, but the fact is you're never far from my thoughts. I don't know where you are or who you're with, but I noticed that the full moon was due soon and I wanted to be sure you were prepared.**

**Take care,**

**N. Tonks**

He swallowed hard, not quite sure what to do with the emotions she churned up inside him. Peeling aside the delicate tissue paper, he let out a quick laugh when he saw the box of Honeyduke's truffles.

"You'll be the death of me, Nymphadora Tonks," he murmured.

"Oh, Remus, what are you doing, hiding back here?"

He jumped as Selena's voice abruptly interrupted his thoughts. Habit had him rising to his feet in the presence of a lady. "Selena, how are you?"

"A bit weak, you know, but otherwise I'm fine," she replied, picking her way through the undergrowth to sit on the fallen tree. "How are you?"

He lowered himself onto the tree. "As well as can be expected. What brings you out here?"

"Oh, it's such a beautiful day I thought I'd go for a walk."

"It is nice after the last couple of rainy days."

"Did you get a package?" She slid a little closer to him, looking down at the box he had tried to hide in the grass. "Oh! Chocolates! Who sent you those?"

"A—a friend."

"You have such generous friends, I haven't had a truffle in years."

"Would…would you like one?"

She smiled flirtatiously. "Well, if you were planning on having one, I wouldn't mind joining you."

Remus lifted the flat box and slid the lid off. He bit back another quiet groan when he saw the candies were decorated with hearts. _Now that's just cruel, Tonks._

"Oh, aren't they lovely!" Selena gasped, selecting a round piece of chocolate with a pink icing heart on top.

He took one with two tiny red hearts on top.

"Mm, oh, I forgot how heavenly these are!"

Remus couldn't help but notice the way she moved a bit closer to him, but there was no polite way to put space between them. "Y—yes, they are nice."

"There is just something about chocolate, you know what I mean? It always makes you feel better."

"Yes, chocolate has its own kind of magic."

"So, who is she?"

Remus stared at the truffle in his hand. "Who?"

"The woman who sent you this candy?"

"A friend."

Selena smiled softly. "A friend doesn't send candy with hearts on them. I take it she's someone special to you."

His shoulder slumped and he avoided her gaze. "It's complicated."

"Is it? Or are you complicating it?"

"I—I'd rather not talk about it."

"Do you mind if I ask you when you were bit?"

"I was a young child, a werewolf by the name of Fenrir Grayback. He had been offended by my father and decided to take it out on me. Why do you ask?"

She shrugged. "Just curious I guess. It seems like everyone I've met was bit when they were children. Well, the ones who are willing to talk to me. Most of the people around here don't want to talk to anyone. I don't know what I would have done without Randolph."

"What happened?" Remus asked quietly.

"I was bit ten years ago, I was twenty. I was training to be a healer and I was engaged to my childhood sweetheart." A ghost of a smile flittered across her face. "We went on a camping trip to celebrate our sixth anniversary together. We never once thought about werewolves. We were attacked in the middle of the night. Kevin was killed and I was left for dead. Of course I couldn't continue my training, no one wants a healer who's a werewolf. I found myself alone and terrified. I wandered, alone for two years. I tried to fit in with other people like me, but most werewolves are just mean and don't want anything to do with you. Then I heard about Randolph. I found this place and I've been here ever since."

"He's a good man," Remus said.

"Yes, he is. You're the only other person here who is friendly, I'm sure you've noticed that."

He nodded. "It's a difficult life we lead. I—I've been lucky in the friends that I have found, they've kept me sane."

"Then why aren't you with them?"

"I recently lost my best friend. I needed to get away."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"What about this friend?" Selena asked, pointing to the candy box.

He contemplated his response a moment. "She…she's more of an enigma than a friend."

She laughed, a deep throaty laugh. "Oh, Remus, what's life without a little fun and mystery?"

"Easy?"

"Dull."

* * *

Tonks rose the next morning and went through the motions of getting ready for work. After a quick shower, she went to her kitchen to grab a quick cup of tea and some toast. 

"Oh, bloody hell!" She gasped, shocked to see a large brown owl sitting on her kitchen table, its head under its wing as it slept.

At her exclamation, the bird jolted and let out a loud _Hoot!_

"I must have left the window open," she sighed. "Come here, what have you got?"

It hopped toward her and held its leg out.

**Tonks,**

**Thank you for the chocolates, that was very generous of you. I want you to know that I'm doing well and I have a pleasant place to stay. Thank you for your concern, but it isn't really necessary, I'm just fine. **

**I've met a couple of good people who might be interested in helping us. One in particular is a young woman who seems like she would be a definite asset. **

**There is no need for you to worry about me, you need to concentrate on other things. **

**Take Care,**

**Remus**

"He's already met another woman?" She asked the owl.

Of course she was being silly, she knew that, but it still stung a bit.

"Well, I guess in order to get his attention, you need to be a werewolf. Prat." Tonks grumbled, crumpling up the parchment. "You can go, I have no response."

The owl hooted once before flying out the open window in the living. She followed, tossing Remus' letter into the fireplace.


	18. Chapter 18

Hi all!

Sorry about the ridiculously long delay in getting this chapter up. I have not finished, nor given up on, this story, I've just been busy. I hope it won't happen again.

Thank you all for the great reviews and support!

Enjoy,

Failte

* * *

Remus took a moment to enjoy the sight of the sun setting over the trees before him. He had just apparated to the Burrow and was caught off guard by the sight of the brilliant streaks of color that smeared across the sky. For one, breathless moment, he allowed himself to get lost in the simple beauty of nature and forget about the war, the dangers they were facing, and everything he had lost. But, of course, his thoughts turned to Tonks, as they always do when he's alone.

He let out a long breath and turned toward the house.

"Who's there? Declare yourself!" Molly called through the door when he knocked.

"It's me, Molly, Remus," he replied.

The door was yanked open and she greeted him with a weary smile. "Come on in, we were starting to worry about you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Molly, thank you. How are you?"

"Good, good. Mad-Eye is in the parlor with Bill and Arthur if you'd like to join them. Supper should be ready soon."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Her smile softened a bit. "Thank you, dear, I appreciate the offer, but the best way you can help is if you get out of my kitchen."

Remus chuckled. "Understood."

The three men were seated around the parlor speaking quietly when he entered.

"Lupin," Moody greeted him gruffly. "How are ya?"

Remus sat in the chair beside the fireplace. "Fine, thank you. And you?"

"Good, good. Any word from the werewolves?"

"For the most part they're a mean group of unhappy thieves and thugs. Most of them are not willing to have anything to do with the wizarding world and I've even heard a few grumblings about how Voldemort has the right idea for dealing with us."

Arthur shook his head sadly. "That doesn't bode well."

"You said that most of them aren't willing to help," Bill pointed out. "Have you met any interested in helping?"

Remus shrugged. "I have met two people who seem like they might be interested. Randolph is a good man and he might have some sway over others and Selena is a sweet girl. But I haven't broached the subject of the Order with them yet."

Moody nodded. "Best to tread cautiously."

"But you're being careful, aren't you?" Arthur asked.

Remus nodded. "Yes, I've been keeping mainly to myself, trying to not draw any attention."

"Supper's ready." Molly appeared in the door. "Come along while it's hot."

The table was set with platters of chicken, potatoes, vegetables, and fresh baked bread. A tall chocolate frosted cake sat on a pedestal plate on the counter.

"It looks wonderful, Molly," Remus said, his mouth watering at the prospect of a home cooked meal.

"Absolutely wonderful," Arthur agreed, giving his wife a peck on the cheek.

She blushed shyly and gave Arthur a gentle shove toward his chair. "Thank you, boys. Now sit, all of you. Bill, pour the drinks, would you, dear?"

"Will Albus be joining us?" Remus asked.

Arthur shook his head. "He was going to, but he said something came up."

"How are things at Hogwarts?"

"Well, the school year has just started, but so far so good," Moody said as he piled potatoes on his plate. "Tonks said Potter got into a fight on the train but he's fine."

"T—tonks?" Remus asked, hoping he sounded nonchalant.

"Yes, she's been stationed at Hogwarts. Bill, pass me the bread, please." Molly also hoped to sound casual as she shifted her gaze to Remus. "It should do her good, she's been a bit down for the past month."

Remus nodded slowly, staring at the food on his plate with renewed interest.

Noticing the other man's discomfort, Arthur decided to change the subject. "So, Remus, you were telling us about the woman you met who might be interested in joining the Order."

Molly glared at him. "You met a woman?"

"I didn't _meet_ a woman," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I met a few people. Most of them kept to themselves, but I've made friends with a man and a woman who seem like they might be interested in helping us out. I'm trying to get to know them better, feel them out before I tell them about the Order."

"Yeah," Moody agreed around a mouthful of chicken. "You want to feel them out first, make sure they're trustworthy before you even mention the Order."

"Any luck with the goblins?" Remus asked Bill, hoping to change the subject.

Bill shrugged. "Not really. They've heard all the gossip about Voldemort, but they haven't really discussed it in front of people. All I've gotten is that they're planning to stick to themselves if anything happens, just like we thought they would."

"Who is this woman you met?" Molly asked.

""Now, Molly, dear, I'm sure Remus will tell us all about her after he gets to know her better," Arthur said, reaching over to pat her hand.

"You, uh, you said Harry got into a fight, what happened?" Remus asked, once again trying to change the subject.

"It was Malfoy," Bill grumbled. "Little punk."

"But he's all right?"

Arthur nodded. "He's fine. He's at Hogwarts and he's safe. Tonks is keeping an eye on him."

"Good, good. She'll, uh, she'll do well with that."

* * *

"Remus."

He glanced over his shoulder and saw Arthur step into the backyard. After they had all stuffed themselves on Molly's great cooking, Bill had invited Remus to take a walk outside with him. Molly's interfering in Remus' personal life was starting to wear on him, so the eldest Weasley boy decided to intervene and help him escape.

"Arthur."

"Did Moody leave?" Bill asked his father.

Arthur nodded. "He has things to do tomorrow and wants to get an early start."

"Yes, I'm going to have to head home as well," Remus said, hesitant to leave the quiet peace of the Burrow's backyard.

"Molly is putting together a basket of food for you to take with you."

"She doesn't need to trouble herself."

"Oh, it's no trouble at all. She means well, you know."

Remus nodded slowly. "I know and I appreciate it."

"It's just that she and Tonks have become good friends and well, I know you're probably not comfortable hearing this, but Tonks is having a hard time at it. She's having trouble with her metamorphizing, that's why she was sent to Hogwarts. She isn't much use in concealment right now."

"I noticed that," Bill murmured, looking up at the star strewn sky. "Why is that?"

"Stress, disappointment," Remus whispered, unable to look at either of the other men. "There is a lot going on right now, we're all feeling a bit overwhelmed. She's young and strong, she'll be just fine."

"Yes, well, Molly worries about her, just as she worries about you."

Remus nodded again, uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Have…have you spoken to Tonks lately?" Arthur asked.

Taking a deep breath, Remus looked up at his friend. "I haven't really kept in touch with her. For her own safety."

"The full moon is coming," Bill said. "Is it safe for you with the other werewolves?"

"I have the Wolfsbane, I'll probably go to the Shrieking Shack and be alone."

Arthur was about to make a comment about how close that was to Tonks, but thought better of it. "That sounds like a good idea."

* * *

Tonks rested her chin on her fist hand and allowed her eyes to wander over the pinks, reds and oranges of the vibrant sunset. The moon was almost full and it made her think of Remus, not that he was ever far from her thoughts. Part of her regretted not taking Molly up on her offer of dinner the previous Sunday. She knew that if she shown up at the backdoor, she would have been welcomed with open arms. But then she would have had to face Remus. Talk to him, pretend everything was normal, that nothing had happened between them. But she couldn't. As much as she wanted to see him again, she was terrified at the prospect of it. Would she even be able to talk to him? To look at him? To be anywhere near him?

Molly had told her that he seemed well, thin and tired, but well. She had sent him home with food and an open invitation to return to the Burrow any time. Tonks couldn't help worry about him, but the fact that he had such kind friends as the Weaselys made her feel better.

"Tonks!"

With a sigh, she turned from the window and found Dawlish coming up through the door.

"Yes?" She asked, a little annoyed at the disturbance.

"I've been looking for you."

"Why?"

"You're supposed to be doing rounds and you're up here daydreaming."

"I am technically off this evening, but I did rounds any way. I was going to head downstairs in a little while."

"If you're on Castle grounds, you're on duty," he grumbled. "I take it you didn't see anything out of the ordinary."

"No. If I had, I'd have told you."

"Mm. Well, have you seen Potter?"

"I saw him leave the Great Hall after dinner and return to the Gryffindor tower with his friends," she reported.

Dawlish grunted.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm heading back down right now."

"Is…is everything all right with you, Tonks?" Dawlish asked in such a way that she knew he wasn't the least bit interested in the answer.

"Everything is fine, Dawlish. If you'll excuse me I'm going to go on rounds again." She walked past him and quickly descended the spiral staircase.

Dawlish was the most senior auror of the four of them stationed at Hogwarts and Hogsmeade and so he felt he was in charge. Tonks didn't really care what he thought, she was here to do her job and she would do it as well as she could.

"Hey, Tonks, where you headed?" Savage asked as they passed in the corridor.

She smiled weakly. "Just doing some rounds. Thought I might head outside, go see how Hagrid's doing?"

He nodded. "Things have been quiet around here so far."

"You know how to get a hold of me if you need me. I'll be near by."

"Same goes to you."

It was a lovely, warm night with fireflies dotting the darkness and barely a cloud in the star strewn sky. But Tonks didn't notice. She knew that if she stopped to admire the beautiful night, she would see the nearly full moon and once again lose herself in thoughts of Remus. She had a job to do and she would do it.

A light was burning in the window to Hagrid's hut when she knocked on the door.

" 'O's there?" Hagrid demanded.

"It's me, Tonks," she called loudly enough to be heard over Fang's barking.

"Tonks?" He opened the door. "What are you doin' out this late?"

She shrugged. "I was doing rounds. Just thought I would stop by and see if you had seen or heard anything."

"Well, I 'aven't 'eard anything, but I'm always 'appy for some company. Come on in." He stepped aside and held Fang back so he wouldn't jump on her.

Tonks stepped into the small, warm hut and tried to ignore the scratching sounds of various unseen creatures that were moving throughout the room. "Thanks, Hagrid. I can't stay long."

"I was about to have a cup 'o tea, would you like one?"

"Okay. Thanks."

"'Ave you seen 'arry lately?"

"Yeah, he's fine."

"Are you sure everything's all right, Tonks?"

She took the chipped mug he handed her. "I'm fine, really."

He nodded slowly, obviously not believing her. Everyone had seen her change in behavior and appearance and, while they all had an idea of what caused it, no one spoke about it. "Everything is all right up in the castle?"

"Yeah. All clear so far."

"'Ave you 'eard from Remus lately?"

She whipped her head up and looked at him. "No. Why? Did something happen?"

"No, I was just wondering. Would you like some treacle fudge?"

"No, thank you."

Something caught Hagrid's attention and he turned to look out the window. "Huh."

"What is it?" Tonks asked, craning her head to see.

"I don't know, but it's gone. The creatures in the forest are feeling a bit nervous, understandably. There was even a rumor going around about someone being in the Shrieking Shack."

"The Shrieking Shack?"

Hagrid shook his big, shaggy head. "I went to check it out, no one was there.

"Next time, get one of the aurors, we can check that out."

"It was nothing."

"Yes, but some Death Eaters might hide out there and you shouldn't face them alone."

"Nah, the Death Eaters still think it's 'aunted."

"We can't take such chances, Hagrid, next time, take an auror with you." Tonks knew she was being a bit harsh and she could tell by the sheepish expression on his face that she had gone too far. "I'm sorry, Hagrid, I didn't mean to snap at you. I guess…I guess I was letting things get to me."

"It's all right, I understand. That's why we need our friends right now, it 'elps us get through."

She smiled. "Thanks, Hagrid." Tonks found she was relaxing and she had a good time with Hagrid, sipping tea and talking. After an hour of chatting and treacle fudge, of which Tonks would later regret partaking in, she felt better.

"Now don't you worry about Remus," Hagrid said as he walked her to the door. "'E's been taking care of 'imself for years, 'e'll be just fine."

"I know he will, but I worry about him, about all of you when you're on a mission for the Order," she said, hoping that her real emotions didn't show.

He patted her shoulder, almost causing her knees to buckle. "You're a sweet girl, Tonks. Do you wan' me to walk you back to the castle?"

She shook her head. "Thanks, Hagrid, but I'll be fine. See you around."

"Good night, Tonks."

There was a definite nip in the air as the temperature dropped. Pulling her wand out of her robes, Tonks tuned her ears and eyes to her surroundings. The trees and brush rustled as a breeze swirled through them. There was the sound of scurrying feet as nocturnal creatures searched for food. Darkness closed over her as a cloud drifted in front of the moon. A chill raced down her spine and she shivered.

Whirling around, Tonks pointed her wand in front of her and whispered, "Lumos." A beam of light shot out from the tip of her wand and she swept it back and forth in front of her. Someone was there. She crept away from Hagrid's hut, away from the Castle. Not noticing where she was heading, Tonks ducked just in time as a limb of the Whomping Willow swung toward her. She jumped back, but was knocked to the side when another branch swept over her.

"Bloody hell," she muttered, rolling aside as another branch slammed into the ground beside her. She kept rolling until she was out of reach of the tree. Sitting up, she looked around, gathering her wits.

Tonks stood and brushed herself off. She looked around quickly, using her wand to illuminate the area around her. No one, nothing.

The Whomping Willow.

She suddenly remembered the story Remus and Sirius had told her about the hidden tunnel beneath the Willow. Was Remus at the Shrieking Shack? Was he who the creatures had heard? She looked around and knew she was alone.

"There's only one way to find out," she murmured to herself.

Taking a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart, she pointed her wand at the tree. She was far enough back that the branches weren't moving, so she was able to look for the knot they had told her about. One stood out, larger than the others and near the junction of two large roots. Tonks found a long stick lying near her and crept toward the tree. The branches began to sway violently. She jumped aside just as one branch came down right beside her. Another swung around and nearly knocked her to the ground. Moving quickly, she poked the knot with the stick, missing it when a branch hit her knees and sent her sprawling to the ground. With a grunt, she thrust the stick at the knot again and the tree froze, a branch just millimeters from her head.

Trembling, and with her heart pounding in her ears, Tonks crawled slowly toward the opening in the roots of the giant tree. She dragged her tongue over her dry lips as she slipped into the entrance. The beam of light coming from her wand shook as she made her way through the dark tunnel. It ended abruptly and she looked up, seeing the trapdoor.

Her breathing was loud and uneven in the dark, dank tunnel. For a moment she hesitated, debating whether or not she should turn and run back to the Castle grounds. But her need to see Remus, to know if he was safe, overrode her nerves.

"Nox," she whispered nervously, extinguishing her wand.

The door creaked quietly as she slowly opened it. There was no sound as she held her breath and listened. She pushed the door open a bit more and looked around the dusty, dark interior of the shack. At first, the flickering light of the fire didn't draw her attention, but she quickly realized she wasn't alone.

"I had hoped you wouldn't come."

An all too familiar voice spoke, causing her to gasp and slam the door shut.

The door opened and the tired, pale face of Remus Lupin looked down on her.

"R-remus, uh, what…what are you doing here?" She asked, weakly, running her hand over her hair.

"You know what I'm doing here," he said quietly. "What are you doing here?"

"Just…just out for an evening stroll."

He almost smiled.

Her heart broke a little as she studied him in the firelight. He was obviously ill, his face pale and drawn. Dark circles had formed beneath his eyes and his hair appeared thicker, longer.

"Go back to the Castle, Tonks, it isn't safe for you here."

She slowly shook her head. "The moon isn't full tonight."

"No. But I'm not well."

"You were out in the forest, weren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

She pushed past him and entered the room. It smelled musty and his footsteps marked the thin layer of dust that covered the floor. "I knew there was someone in the forest when I left Hagrid's, it was you, wasn't it?"

He didn't respond.

"I—I thought you were underground with the other werewolves."

"I didn't think it would be safe to be with them when we all transformed. I—I prefer to be alone."

She turned to look at him, taking in his hunched shoulders, his hands shoved into the pockets of his old, frayed slacks, and his head was down, avoiding her gaze. "How are you, Remus? Really."

"Really?" He repeated slowly, turning way from her and walking toward the fire. "I'm fine."

"Remus…"

"This is me when I'm fine, Tonks."

"How…how are things going with the werewolves?"

"As well as can be expected. You'll hear all about it at the next Order meeting."

Tonks wrapped her arms around herself, fighting off a chill she wasn't sure came from the room or from him. "Tell me something."

"What?" He continued to stare at the fire.

"Is it your condition that's making you act like a jerk, or is that just for my benefit?"

He turned slowly. "Why are you here?"

She stared at him.

Remus took a step toward her. "Why are you here?"

"Don't ask a question if you don't want the answer," she said quietly.

He studied her a moment before turning away, mumbling, "You're bleeding."

"What?"

"Your head. You're bleeding."

She touched her forehead and ran her fingers over her temple until she felt the warm stickiness of blood. "It…it must have been the Whomping Willow."

Remus scowled as he pulled a handkerchief out of his briefcase and handed it to her. "That was stupid. And dangerous."

Tonks pressed the old square of cloth to her temple. "Dangerous? There's an excuse you're fond of hiding behind."

"It's not an excuse, it's the truth."

"So, we're back to this argument."

"Did you really come here to argue with me?"

"You were the one who started the argument."

Remus sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "Tonks, I am exhausted. Why are you here?"

She hesitated, ready to make up some story about investigating reported complaints of suspicious activity, but thought better of it. "I wanted to see you."

"You have to stop coming after me, especially so close to the full moon. It isn't safe."

"Remus, I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. You have other things to worry about, you have a job to do. I'll be fine."

"I know you will, I just can't help it."

Without a word, he reached out and gently lifted the handkerchief from her temple. "It looks like it's just a scratch." He pressed it back to the wound and allowed his fingers to linger over hers. "You saw me, I'm fine, please go back to the castle."

"Remus…"

"_Please_, Tonks, just go."

"It's _her_, isn't it?"

He furrowed his brow in confusion. "Who?"

"The woman you met. The werewolf."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

A lump rose in her throat. "You said in your letter to me that you met a woman who would be a definite asset. She's the reason you don't want to see me."

Remus closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I meant she could be an asset to the Order. That's all."

"That's all?"

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "That's all. I am not looking for a woman in my life."

"You've made that abundantly clear."

"I _can't_ have a woman in my life."

She swallowed hard, not wanting to leave him. But the expression in his eyes spoke volumes. He was as torn as she was and her being there was just as difficult for her as it was for him. "I do worry about you, Remus, and that isn't going to stop," she whispered. "Just once in a while, if you can, drop me a line so I know you're all right."

"I will."

Even as he said it she knew he wouldn't. "Take care."

"You too. I—I'll walk you out. Make sure you get past the Willow safely." His tongue felt heavy as he tried to speak. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he couldn't.

They walked silently through the tunnel, Remus leading the way with his wand lighting the tunnel. His heart pounded loudly and he wished he could think of something to say, something to ease her worries and to convince her that she was better off without him. But, as usual when Tonks was around, he was having trouble forming a complete, coherent thought.

Remus reached through the opening and pressed the knot again, making sure the tree remained still. "The Willow won't start up again for another fifteen minutes. Enough time for you to go."

She nodded and looked at him in the moonlight. "I know you think you're doing the right thing by pushing me away," Tonks said quietly. "But it isn't. I just…I hope you realize that before it's too late."

"Tonks…"

She shook her head. "No more excuses, Remus, I can't take any more."

He stood silently and watched her disappear into the darkness. It took all of his self control to not call her back. He had heard all about her behavior lately and how it had affected her appearance, but he hadn't been totally prepared for what he saw. Remus wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and promise her whatever it took to bring the smile back to her face, the sparkle back to her eyes. But he couldn't.

He looked up to the sky as a cloud passed in front of the moon. This was the best for both of them and he would find a new place to go to at each full moon.


	19. Chapter 19

Hi,

Sorry for the delay, no I didn't give up on or forget this story. I have been ridiculously busy and then when I tried to post this chapter, this website wouldn't let me and then I couldn't report to the support people. I just hope this chapter actually makes it on.

Just a side note about my Lupin/Tonks stories. I get all my details from the Harry Potter Lexicon website. According to them, Lupin was born in either 1959 or 1960 and Tonks was born in 1973, that's where I get the age difference. If you disagree with this, take it up with them.

Thanks for the great reviews and I promise I will try to get these chapters posted more quickly!

Thank you,

Failte

----------------------------

Remus pulled the lapels of his overcoat closer together, trying to fend off the bitter cold wind. The elbows of his coat were worn almost all the way through and he silently reminded himself that he needed to patch them.

The months seemed to meld into each other as autumn turned into winter. His time was spent with the werewolves and traveling underground. He made ends meet by working for the Order, taking care of paper work and running errands.

One night, over a month earlier, Remus had sat down with Randolph and told him about the Order. He didn't tell the older man everything, like where the meetings were held or the names of the current members, but he did tell Randolph about the group of wizards led by a powerful man who were going to take on and defeat Voldemort. He finished by asking him to join them.

"Do ye know how old I am?" Randolph asked.

Remus shook his head.

"Go ahead, guess."

"Uh, sixty-five?"

Randolph chuckled. "I'm fifty-four."

"Really?" Remus was genuinely surprised, he had actually thought Randolph was closer to seventy.

"Our condition tends ta force ye ta age quickly. I'm an old man, Remus, I'm weak and I'm tired. I appreciate and support what ye all are doing, but I can't be a part of it. I just don't have it in me anymore. I do wish ye all the best of luck."

Remus nodded slowly. "I understand."

"Don't worry, ye're secret's safe with me."

"I appreciate that, Randolph, we all do."

"So, this explains all the friends ye have on the outside."

"Yes."

"Well, this certainly explains why ye've been so secretive about yer friends and yer past. Is your girl a member of this group?"

Remus had long ago given up denying his feelings to Randolph. "Yes she is."

"Does Selena know about the group?"

"No, not yet. I was thinking about approaching her about it."

"I think she might be interested. She's a special girl."

"Yes. She is."

Remus shook his head, shaking any thoughts of Selena out of his mind as he continued down the nearly empty Diagon Alley. It was morning, but it wasn't that early and he hated seeing the deserted street. But since the return of Voldemort and all the strange occurrences believed to have been caused by the Death Eaters, rumors circulated and more and more wizards and witches were choosing to avoid crowds which led to fewer crowds.

He had yet to talk to Selena about the Order. He wasn't a stupid man and he knew she had feelings for him, but Remus knew they were misplaced feelings. She was lonely, they all were, and he was the first werewolf her age to treat her kindly.

At least that's what he told himself. Remus could not handle another woman with feelings for him. Not when what he felt for Tonks was something real, genuine, and deep while what he felt for Selena was kinship, friendship. Nothing more. They were two totally different women who each had different, wonderful things to offer. But only one of them had total control over his heart and soul. He was in love with only one of them.

Remus groaned and rubbed his hand over his face. _I am not in love with Nymphadora Tonks_! He thought angrily. _She's a sweet girl, a smart girl, a fun girl. But she is still just a girl! I am not in love with her. I'll admit to an attraction, there is something absolutely bewitching about her._

"Remus."

He lifted his head at the gruff shout. Moody limped toward him. "Mad-Eye, how are you?"

"Bloody freezing. Who in their right mind goes out in weather like this?"

Remus chuckled. "Only two old fools."

Moody snorted. "You're not old yet, Lupin. What are you doing here?"

"Dumbledore asked me to pick up some valerian root for him."

"Probably to help his hand."

Remus nodded. They had all noticed the damage to Dumbledore's hand, but no one has asked. When he was ready to explain, he would.

Moody leaned close and lowered his voice. "You heard about that girl at Hogwarts who was put under the Imperius curse?"

"Katie Bell. Yes, I heard. She'll be all right, won't she?"

"Yeah, Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey say she'll be fine in time."

"Harry's all right?"

"Harry's fine. Tonks has been keeping an eye on him. Being at Hogwarts has been good for her, keeps her mind off…other things."

Remus felt the blush rise to his cheeks, but chose to ignore it. "Yes, well, she's good at what she does."

"She should be at the next meeting."

A prickling sensation raced up Remus' spine. He hadn't seen nor spoken to Tonks in nearly three months. Either one or the other would be unable to attend an Order meeting, until now.

"I think Dumbldore is going to talk to Dung about his pilfering things from Grimmuald Place. Apparently Harry caught him with some of Sirius' things."

"They're Harry's things now," Remus mumbled.

"The boy says he doesn't care about the things, but it's the principle of the whole thing."

"It was a stupid, thoughtless thing for Mundungus to do. Harry really did not need to have to deal with that on top of everything else."

"You give any more thought to Dumbledore's suggestion of moving in there?"

"Yes, but, for now, I think I'll stay where I'm at. I go there once a month to be alone."

Moody nodded. "Any more luck with the werewolves?"

Remus shook his head slowly. "No. I can't convince Randolph to join us."

"And the girl?"

"Selena? I haven't asked her yet."

"Why the hesitation?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest."

"Well, if you're at all uneasy, don't bother, we can't take the chance."

"I know. She's a good woman, a smart woman. I think she could be an asset to the Order."

The corner of Moody's mouth quirked up in a gnarled half-smirk. "Yes, well, we all trust your judgment, Lupin."

"I—I, uh, have to get over to the apothecary. It was nice seeing you again, Alastor."

"And you, Lupin, I'll see you at the next meeting."

Lowering his head against the cold wind Remus continued down the cobbled street. A few shops had taken a half-hearted attempt to decorate their storefronts for Christmas. He paused a moment in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies, a queer feeling tugging at his chest. Again, he thought of Harry and Sirius. At this time last year Remus and Sirius had gone together to buy the boy a set of books about Defense Against The Dark Arts. Harry had been thrilled and Sirius felt great about actually being able to do something special for his godson.

What was Christmas going to be like this year?

Out of habit, he tightened the scarf around his throat and allowed his fingers to linger over the soft yarn. Tonks. Would he see her this year? Should he get her a gift?

He didn't want a repeat of the previous year where she gave him a thoughtful, personal gift and he had had nothing adequate for her. He didn't regret giving her his mother's brooch, he was still glad he did that, she was the only woman he wanted to have it. She was the only woman he wanted to have.

_Stop that!_ He mentally berated himself. _You can't have her, you have no right to even think that_.

Ever since his conversation with Randolph, Lupin felt even more guilty about his feeling for Tonks. The older man had been right, their condition caused a person to age more quickly. Remus knew he was a dying man. His body took a monthly beating that caused him pain and took a toll on him physically and mentally. He couldn't pull Tonks down with him. She was young and full of life, she had so much going for her. What right did he have to have these feelings for her?

More than once he thought about Selena. Wondered if he should give in to her flirtations and advances, maybe that would help him get over Tonks. But those thoughts only churned up feelings of guilt. He couldn't use Selena as a way to get his mind off another woman. But what if he could love her? What if they could be happy together?

Remus let out a groan of frustration. Who was he kidding?

--------------------------------

It was bitterly cold and the wind brought tears to his eyes as Lupin lowered his head and crossed the path to Selena's home. The Order was meeting in a couple of days and he wanted to speak with her before then.

He knocked on the door and watched as the tattered curtain moved over the window and she glanced out. A quick smile crossed her face and she moved to unlock the door.

A twinge of guilt rose up in Remus, but he quickly squashed it. He was here on business.

"Remus!" She greeted him warmly as she yanked open the door. "What brings you out here in this horrible weather?"

She was pale and tired looking. The full moon had been two nights before and they were all feeling the aftereffects of it.

"Good afternoon, Selena, how are you?"

"I'm just fine. How are you? Oh, where are my manners, please come in, can I get you something? Would you like some tea?"

He followed her in to the drafty warmth of her shack. Like the others, it appeared to be held together with bubblegum and a prayer, but it offered adequate shelter. Selena did what she could to make it appear more homey, adding the touches of curtains and a few chipped knick knacks.

"Yes, some tea would be nice," he told her, smiling softly.

"So, how are you?" She asked, putting an old kettle on her small stove.

"I'm doing well, thank you."

"I don't have much to offer, a few biscuits. My sister, she lives in Canada, she sent me some homemade treats, what with the Christmas coming and all."

"I didn't know you had a sister," Remus said quietly.

Selena moved her shoulders in a small shrug. "I haven't seen her in nine years. She, well, she's afraid of me. After I was bit, she wanted nothing to do with me and she moved to Canada where she met a man, got married and had three kids."

Remus watched her cross the small room to her bedside table and pick up a piece of paper.

"Two girls and a boy. I'm the only family she has left and once a year, at Christmas time she sends me a package. I've never met my brother-in-law or my nieces and nephew, but she sent me their picture last year." She handed him the paper she had just picked up.

He smiled at the three youngsters grinning and waving up at him.

"Gina is five, Sam is four, and…S-Selena is two."

"They're adorable," Remus said quietly, handing the photo back to her.

"Yeah. They don't even know I exist. Tabitha said she hasn't told them about me and she isn't sure she wants them to know. But she wanted me to know them."

"I'm sorry."

"I can't really say I blame her," Selena said, setting the photo down and crossing to take the kettle off the stove.

"Maybe, someday, when the kids are older she'll see how safe it can be for them to know you."

"I hope so. Sugar?"

"No, thank you."

She sat across from him at the small table. "So, what brings you here today?"

"Well, there was something I wanted to discuss with you."

"Oh?"

"I have something very important to ask you," he began, noticing how her cheeks darkened a bit. "I like to think we've become friends in the months that we've known each other and I feel I can trust you."

"Of course you can."

"I am a member of an organization that is working to defeat Voldemort and his Death Eaters."

Selena flinched at the mention of the Dark Lord's name. "Excuse me?"

"We are a group of dedicated witches and wizards, led by one of the most powerful wizards on earth, who are working together to bring down Voldemort. We are always looking for others interested in helping the cause and I wanted to extend an invitation to you to join us. Now, I want you to think about it. It is dangerous work and once you join, the only way you can leave is if a total memory modification is performed on you. But if you do decide to join us, you would be fighting the good fight and helping to defeat evil."

She sipped slowly from her tea cup, her hands trembling a bit. After less than a moment of thought, she nodded. "Of course I'll join you."

"Are you sure? You don't have to make this decision right now. This is not something to be taken lightly, you'll be expected to work hard, you can not tell anyone, and I mean _anyone_, about this."

"I understand."

"Your life will be in danger at all times."

Selena reached across the table and took his hand. "Remus, our lives are in danger at all times as long as V- You-Know-Who is around. If I can help, if I can be of some service, I will gladly do it."

He smiled. "Thank you."

"What do you need me to do?"

"We have a meeting on Thursday."

"Where?"

"I will take you the first time. We…we have to be careful."

She nodded. "I understand."

-------------------------------------------------

Tonks stared at herself in the mirror. A pale young woman with flat, dull brown hair stared back with an expressionless face. She took a deep breath and pasted a smile on her face. It came out more as a grimace. Letting it fall, she tried again. Nope.

"Oh grow up," she snapped, glaring at her visage. "You're an adult, a trained auror, a member of the Order of The Phoenix. If you can't handle this, you have no business doing what you do and you should just quit and go get a job selling sea shells on the beach."

After one last try, she gave up trying to smile and apparated.

The Order had taken to meeting at 12 Grimmuald Place a few months earlier. At each meeting, no one could be sure how many people or who would show up. Some members were busy on assignments while others had met untimely ends. Tonks had missed the last meeting because she had been busy and Lupin had missed the two before that. She was worried, not quite knowing how he was doing.

Molly had said he would be at this meeting and Tonks felt both nervous and excited. Would he be happy to see her? How would he look? The full moon had just been a week ago, would he still be weak?

There was a strained hush within the walls of Sirius' home when she arrived. Voices were low and strained, drifting slowly up from the kitchen. With hesitant steps, Tonks crossed the hallway and down the steps to the kitchen.

Then she misjudged the last step and stumbled through the door, sprawling across the floor of the kitchen.

All talk stopped and Tonks felt the heat rise to her face.

"Good evening, Tonks, how are you?" Bill Weasley offered her a hand.

"Wotcher, Bill," she replied with as much dignity as she could muster. "I'm doing well, how're you?"

"Very well, thank you."

"Tonks, dear, come have a seat," Molly called to her. "We're going to be eating soon."

She nodded and greeted Molly, Arthur, Moody, and Kingsley.

"The others should be arriving soon," Molly continued. "We're expecting quite a crowd this meeting."

"It is the last meeting before Christmas," Kingsley said.

Tonks took a seat across from Arthur.

"Speaking of which, have you decided if you would like to join us for Christmas dinner, dear?" Molly asked as she set a glass of pumpkin juice in front of Tonks.

"Uh, thank you, Molly, but I—I'm not really sure I would be much fun. I'm just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year."

Molly opened her mouth to reply, but stopped when Arthur caught her eye and gently shook his head.

Tonks toyed with the edge of the cloth napkin beside her plate. Her nerves were frayed and it was taking every ounce of self control to stop from apparating back to the solitude of her flat.

"How're things at Hogwarts?" Moody asked, gruffly.

"They, uh, they're going well," she replied, glad for the change of subject. "There hasn't been an incident since Katie Bell. Harry and Ron are doing well on the Quidditch Pitch."

"Oh, yes," Mrs. Weasley gushed. "We are so proud! Ronald is finally finding his confidence."

"And he has a girlfriend," Arthur added slyly.

Tonks chuckled quietly. "Lavender?"

"I don't know her well, but she seems like a lovely girl," Molly said, setting a plate of rolls on the table.

"Hestia's here," Moody grumbled as he dug out his flask, his eye rolling around in his head.

Tonks glanced over her shoulder as the normally cheerful, dark haired witch, walked slowly into the room.

"Hestia, come in, come in, I'm just about to serve dinner," Molly said.

Hestia nodded. "Thank you, Molly."

One after another, more members of the Order arrived, Hagrid, Minerva, Dung, and Dumbledore. They all found seats around the table.

"Should we eat?" Molly asked.

Dumbledore smiled. "Not yet. I know Remus is coming."

Molly counted the plates around the table. "Good, then I did set enough places."

"No, we'll need one more."

Tonks looked sharply at the Headmaster. "He-he's bringing someone?"

"Yes. A young lady he thinks would be a help to us."

Everyone jumped at the sound of glass shattering.

Tonks looked down at the shards of glass on the table and the cuts on her hand. She wasn't sure if she had broken the glass magically or if she had squeezed it to hard.

"Oh dear, are you okay?" Molly asked, rushing over.

"Uh, yeah, uh, I think so." Tonks mumbled, still looking at her hand as drops of blood appeared.

"Come, quickly now, we need to fix your hand." Molly took her arm and pulled Tonks to her feet.

Bill waved his wand and repaired the glass.

Tonks winced as she ran her hand under a stream of warm water. The cuts were small, but they stung.

"Ah, Remus," Dumbledore said. "Good, you're here. Please, come join us. Introduce your friend, please."

Tonks looked up and her eyes locked on his. She felt the heat rise to her face, but she couldn't look away.

Remus thought he was prepared to see her again, but it was like a punch in the gut. He swallowed hard, temporarily forgetting about the woman standing next to him.

"Here, Tonks, dear, dry your hand, let me see the damage." Molly fussed, crossing the room with the first aid kit.

"What happened?" Remus asked hoarsely.

"Tonks was being Tonks," Bill teased lightly, hoping to break the tension that hung heavy in the air.

"Are you okay?" He crossed the room, ignoring the fact that everyone was watching them as if they were a soap opera on television.

She nodded, unable to find her voice.

Molly examined Tonks' palm, biting her lip to hide her smile. "It doesn't seem too bad, I believe you got all the glass out, but just in case." She took a brown bottle out of the kit. "This'll sting a bit dear."

"Oh bloody hell!" Tonks tore her eyes from Remus and glared at Molly as she poured the cleanser over her palm.

"I said it would sting," Molly said innocently.

"What happened?" Remus asked again, stepping closer.

"I broke a glass," Tonks snapped, feeling irrationally angry. "It was stupid."

He looked down, seeing blood drip into the sink. "Should you go to St. Mungo's?"

"Why don't you have a seat, Remus, dear," Molly said as she examined Tonks' hand. "It's not that bad, the twins did worse to each other when they were ten."

"Remus?"

Tonks looked up at the sound of an unfamiliar feminine voice. The woman who had accompanied Remus came to stand beside him. She was slim and lovely in an unconventional way. Pale, with light brown hair and strikingly dark eyes, she stood nearly as tall Remus.

"Oh, uh, Selena, this is Tonks and, uh, and Molly Weasley," he introduced them awkwardly before turning to the others in the room.

Tonks watched as he took Selena's arm and walked her to the table, introducing her to the others at the table. She wanted to hate this woman, but she seemed nice and it just wasn't in her to hate.

"There you go, just be careful."

Tonks looked down and saw Molly securing a bandage around her hand. "Thank you, Molly."

The older woman smiled sympathetically. "Everything will be just fine, dear. Go, have a seat, I'll serve dinner."

The conversation around the table during the meal was kept light. It was an unwritten rule that Order matters were not discussed at the dinner table, Molly was convinced it caused indigestion.

"That was wonderful, Molly," Dumbledore declared, pushing back from the table nearly an hour later.

"Yes, very good, very good," Hestia added.

Molly blushed slightly, but looked very pleased. "Thank you. Now, why don't you all get out of my way for a few minutes and I'll clean this up lickety-split."

"Don't be silly," Kingsley said, standing. "We'll all help and be done in a moment."

Tonks had a terrible headache. Remus had chosen to sit three seats down from her and she had spent most of the meal trying to look at him without being seen.

"How's your hand?"

Tonks gasped and dropped the plate she was carrying when Remus appeared at her side. "Damnit!"

With a wave his wand, Remus repaired the plate and set it in the sink. "Sorry."

She sighed heavily. "It's fine."

He nodded slowly and hesitated as though he was about to say something else, but thought better of it. Tonks watched as he returned to Selena's side. She closed her eyes for a moment and turned from the others.

_I have to stop this_, she mentally berated herself. _I can't let him get to me like this. I have a job to do and I will do it._

"Now that we're all full of Molly's wonderful cooking, I think we can begin," Albus announced.

Everyone returned to the table and Tonks tried to ignore Remus as he watched her.

"Tonks," Moody addressed her.

She turned to him. "Yes?"

"We believe we have found who broke into your flat last fall."

"Who?"

"It was Death Eaters and we believe it may have been Crabbe and Goyle," Kingsley said.

"Crabbe and Goyle?" Remus repeated.

"Working under orders," Moody added. "Probably Malfoy."

"But why me?" Tonks asked. "I would think they have bigger fish to fry than me."

"You're an auror," Remus said. "And you're loyal to Dumbledore."

"Damn wankers," she mumbled.

Moody grunted. "We think it was meant to be a warning, they knew you wouldn't be there."

"Any chance they can be brought in on charges?" Remus asked.

Kingsley shook his head. "It's all circumstantial."

"Thanks any way, I'm glad to know that you were able to find out who did it." Tonks told them.

"Don't worry, they won't get away with it," Arthur assured her. "When their day in court comes, they'll have to answer for it."

"Any word on Katie Bell?" Kingsley asked Dumbledore.

The Headmaster nodded gravely. "She has a long recovery ahead of her, but she should be fine."

"H-Hogwarts is still safe, isn't it?" Hestia asked, a little nervously.

"Of course it is!" McGonagall snapped.

"Minerva, she has asked a legitimate question, she did not mean to insult anyone," Dumbledore said kindly before turning to Hestia. "Yes, I assure you Hogwarts is perfectly safe. Besides all the wards and protection that have been around the castle for centuries, we also have aurors in Hogsmeade and on the school grounds to help. Now then, Emmeline, didn't you say you had some information for us?"

……………………………………………………………….

When the meeting ended, no one seemed to be in too much of a hurry to leave. Molly served coffee and tea and the conversation ranged from Bill and Fleur's upcoming wedding to Quidditch to Christmas.

Tonks quietly excused herself from the table and carried her tea with her through the house. She found it hard to be there ever since Sirius had died. The other's voices grew quieter as she walked down the hall. The entire house seemed suddenly big and too silent. She missed the sounds of the children, Buckbeak's scratching, and Sirius' loud, barking laugh. Upstairs was even darker and quieter. A thin layer of dust covered everything, obviously Mrs. Weasley hadn't been upstairs to clean in a long time. She stopped in the doorway to the room she had occupied and found it exactly as she had left it.

Turning, Tonks say the one place where the dust was disturbed. Footprints led up the stairs and to the left, into the room Remus occupied. She knew he went some place to transform each month and that it was no longer the Shrieking Shack. Now she knew where it was.

Turning the knob, she gently pushed the door open. His room was clean, dust free. The only proof that anyone had even been there were the two books sitting on the desk by the window. Tonks entered the room and looked around. Upon further inspection, she saw scratches all over the bedpost and the inside of the door. She swallowed hard, refusing to allow herself to feel pity for him. _He_ was the one who pushed her away, _he_ was the one who went out and found a woman he could be with. He didn't deserve her pity.

"Tonks?"

His hoarse whisper had her gripping her mug even tighter, but she set it down before she broke it. "Remus."

"Are—Are you all right?" He asked quietly.

"I'm fine. And you?"

He took another step into the room, closing the door behind him. "As well as can be expected."

They stood in awkward silence, avoiding each other gazes.

"Your-"

"How-"

Tonks giggled nervously.

Remus smiled softly.

"What were you going to say?" He asked.

"I, uh, I was just saying how your friend seems nice."

"She, uh, she is really interested in doing what she can to help us."

"I'm sure she is." Tonks turned from him and glared at the darkness outside the window.

Remus rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and wondered why he felt the need to explain things to her. "She is just my friend, Tonks, nothing more."

Tonks snorted. "I saw the way she looks at you, there is definitely more than friendship there."

"Funny, she said the same thing about you."

She slowly closed her eyes and wondered if his comment should hurt as much as it did.

"Tonks." His voice was low and close to her as he came to stand behind her. "She is just a friend. She could never mean as much to me as you do."

She whirled around and glared at him angrily. "Why do you have to say things like that? I thought you told me once that you didn't want to hurt me, but you keep doing it."

He reached up and touched her cheek with his fingertips. Although it was barely a feather light touch, she jumped as though he shocked her with a thousand volts.

"Don't touch me."

Remus lowered his hand and took a step back. "Sorry."

"Why are you here?"

"For the Order meeting."

She rolled her eyes. "No. I mean why are you here, in this room with me?"

"I could ask why you're in my room."

"I-I…" Her voice faltered. "Don't you find it hard to be in this house without him?"

He nodded slowly. "You have no idea. I still expect him to come down the stairs. The first time I came here alone, I-I thought I would go mad."

Her expression changed and softened and she took a step closer to him. "I'm glad to know you're not alone."

"Tonks-"

She shook her head. "No, I mean it. I-I worry about you, Remus. I never hear from you, so I don't know how you're doing. Are you lonely? Tired? Hungry? Cold? I can't stop thinking about you and…and if I didn't have Molly to update me on how you're doing, _I_ would go mad."

"It does me no good to ask you not to worry, does it?" He asked quietly.

She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat.

"I have been dealing with this since I was a child. I can handle being tired, I have a place to stay, I'm not hungry, although the food isn't as good as Molly's, and I'm rarely cold." He took a step, closing the distance between them, and lowered his voice. "And as long as I can think of you, I'm never lonely."

Tonks closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry. It didn't work as a tear escaped and raced down her cheek.

This time, when he touched her, she didn't jump.

"Tonks."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. His lined, weary face full of years of pain and suffering, his kind eyes, his brown hair, liberally streaked with gray. Acting before thinking, she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.

For several long moments, Remus tried to fight back. He didn't push her away, but he didn't pull her close. She pressed the length of her body against his, coaxing his mouth with her own. But as hard as he tried, he couldn't resist. His arms moved on their own, wrapping tightly around her. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss.


	20. Chapter 20

_She's lost weight._

That was the first thought that entered Remus' mind as he pulled her tightly against him. He remembered how she felt in his arms, he would never forget how she felt. She was thinner than he remembered and it worried him.

He broke the kiss and looked down at her. She was pale, her hair hung limp, her eyes were shadowed and her face appeared a bit gaunt. He saw beyond all that to the beautiful person she was and felt his heart skip a beat.

As her eyes opened slowly, he brought his hands up to frame her face.

"You'll be the death of me, Nymphadora Tonks," he whispered.

"I need you." Her voice trembled.

He lowered his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.

"I don't want to," she continued quietly. "But I do, I need you and I love you. I never meant for this to happen, but it did and I can't help it."

"I know," he murmured. "I know."

"I can't stop worrying about you because I can't stop thinking about you."

Remus lifted his head and pressed a kiss to her forehead, moving his lips to her temple, her cheek and then finally her mouth. He felt her fingers fumble with the clasp of his robes and then push them from his shoulders. His hands fought to find the opening of her robes before slipping beneath them and grasping her narrow waist in his hands. She tugged at his shirt, pulling it from the waistband of his pants.

He knew this was wrong, he knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't stop.

They moved together across the room as they continued fighting with their clothes, trying desperately to get closer. They reached the bed as Remus unclipped her robes and they fell in a tangle of limbs and clothes.

"No, stop," Tonks murmured as she freed her arms from her robes. "Stop, Remus, stop."

Breathing heavily, he rolled off her.

She sat up, wrapping her arms around herself. "I can't do this. I want to, Merlin knows I want to, but I can't do this knowing that you'll just leave."

"Tonks…"

"No, Remus." She turned to look at him. "I want to be with you, so much so it hurts. But it only hurts more knowing that you'll push me away, claim you have no feelings for me, and then disappear for months."

He sat up beside her, not knowing what to say.

"If…if you could just say you won't leave me," she whispered hopefully. "If you could just stop pushing me away, everything could be different."

He rubbed his hands over his face and groaned. "I don't want to leave you, I don't want to push you away, but I do it for your own good."

"Then why do you keep coming back?"

He lifted his head and looked at her with soulful eyes. "I—I can't stay away."

"Maybe you should let me decide what's best for my own good."

"I think, that in time, you will come to see that a broken old werewolf with no money, no future is not what's best for you."

"Stop putting yourself down. You are so much more than that and I wish you could see that."

"Tonks…"

She shook her head. "I can't take any more promises or apologies."

"I wish I could give you everything you want, I just…can't."

She stood and gently touched his cheek. "Yes you can, you're just afraid to."

He lowered his eyes, unable to respond.

"We should get back downstairs before they start to wonder about us," she said quietly.

Remus nodded, slowly getting to his feet.

She stopped, her hand on the doorknob and her back to him. "Maybe…maybe you can give to Selena what you can't give me."

"What do I have to say to convince you that we're just friends?"

Tonks looked over her shoulder. "I don't want you to be alone, Remus, so if you're only comfortable with…with one of your own, as you like to think, then be with her. I hate to think of you as alone."

She pulled open the door and slipped out before he could say anything else.

…………………………………………………………..

With Christmas approaching, Lupin found himself awash with mixed feelings. He was excited about seeing Harry again and celebrating with the Weasleys, but he felt bad for leaving his friends, Randolph and Selena. Most of all, he longed to see Tonks again. He knew Molly had invited her, but he wasn't sure if she would be there or not. Just in case, he had bought her a gift, it was carefully wrapped and packed in his case.

Remus stood and crossed the small shack he shared with Randolph. Taking his time, he wrapped his scarf around his throat and slipped his coat on. He wasn't quite sure where he was going, but he needed to get out. Dumbledore was expecting him to find out anything he could about the werewolves who were siding with Voldemort and it was proving to be more difficult than he had ever imagined.

They were an angry, mean group of creatures and they were wary of any new people. He tried to get close to them, but they disgusted and frightened him. Just the week before two of them had placed themselves near a farm and destroyed the livestock while in their animal form. Another bragged about biting a young woman and another killed an older man. All of them assumed, and hoped, these actions would get them noticed by Voldemort.

"Remus?"

He glanced over his shoulder as he left the house and saw Selena walking towards him. Remus bit back a groan, he had spent the past several weeks avoiding her as much as possible, but she kept finding him. "Good afternoon, Selena, how are you?"

"I'm doing well. How are you?"

"Fine, thank you."

"Where are you headed?"

"Just going for a walk, trying to clear my mind."

"I know that feeling. Have you heard from Tonks lately?"

He shook his head and lowered his voice. "I haven't heard from anyone lately."

She nodded slowly. "Neither have I."

Remus dropped his voice to a whisper. "We won't be meeting again until after the New Year, be careful."

"I am. I spoke with a few others the other day."

"What do you mean?"

"There are a few women underground I spoke with. I learned about the debauchery in which they live and how they're all convinced You-Know-Who is rising again to full power."

He grabbed her arm. "Be careful, Selena, you're getting into some seriously dangerous territory here, don't try to do too much too quickly."

She looked down at his hand as it gripped her arm.

Remus dropped his hand and took a step back. "Have you seen Randolph?"

"No, I haven't seen him since yesterday." She touched his sleeve. "Would you like me to patch your coat?"

He blushed slightly and pulled his arm back. "No, thank you, I'll take care of it."

"I don't mind."

"I know. I'll get to it, I've just been busy." It was a lie. He had allowed his clothing to fray. His appearance had been one of the first hints to the other werewolves that he wasn't trustworthy. Remus was clean cut, clean shaven with carefully patched clothing and the others saw that as a sign of someone trying to fit in with normal wizards. He was allowing his appearance to worsen in hopes of gaining their confidence.

A loud burst of laughter caught their attention and Remus turned his head in the direction of the sound. He caught a whiff of scent on the air and knew a large group of werewolves were congregated not far from where they stood. The hair stood on the back of his neck. It was too early in the day for them to be out.

"Go home," he hissed to Selena.

"What?" She asked, surprised.

"Go home. Something is going on and I want to investigate."

"I'll come with you, I can…"

No." He interrupted, glaring at her. "You said when you joined the Order you understood what it meant. If anything happens to me, you have to carry on our work."

She hesitated, watching him with wide, worried eyes.

"You know I'm right, Selena, this is bigger than both of us."

She nodded slowly and turned, reluctantly returning to her shack.

Remus followed the noises and scents to where a group of about a dozen men stood, laughing and talking. Then another, stronger scent invaded his nose. The sickeningly sweet smell of blood and death.

"Serves 'im right!" A man named Ulf declared, earning cheers from the others.

"Remus!" Weylin, a young man with a mean streak only Voldemort could appreciate, turned to greet him. "Come, celebrate with us!"

At first Remus, thought, and hoped, they were celebrating the capture of a deer, but deep down he knew it wasn't that simple. Allowing himself to be welcomed into the group, he stepped forward. As soon as he did, he caught sight of what was hanging from a large oak tree. Bile rose in his throat and his vision wavered. But he fought back against his own body and his own feelings to sneer at Weylin.

"What happened?"

Above them all, swinging from a high branch, was the naked body of Randolph. He had obviously been attacked and brutally murdered. His blood had long since stopped flowing and the stench of rot was beginning to reach them.

"Our dear ol' friend Randolph," Ulf began, stopping when the others laughed viciously. "'E tried to tell us 'e wouldn't join wit' the Dark Lord and that 'e thought the Dark Lord wasn't going to rise against the likes of 'Arry Potter.."

He stopped again as the men surrounding them growled.

"Can you believe," Weylin sniggered. "That Randolph thought there was some group out there who was going to defeat the Dark Lord?"

Remus felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead. He sneered and hoped they believed him.

"We showed 'im!" Someone shouted from the crowd.

"And now 'e's 'angin' there as a message to anyone else who thinks the Dark Lord isn't going to come back to lead us!"

The gathered crowd cheered.

"And if this group is real, let them come and see what we do to people who speak out against the Dark Lord!"

A cheer rose again from the crowd.

Remus felt dizzy and nauseous. "Good work," he grumbled.

Ulf laughed. "Just think, Remus, now you have a house all to yourself!"

"I guess I should thank you for that."

The others laughed.

Unable to take any more of this, Remus turned and started back toward his home.

"Hey, Remus! Where ya goin'?" Someone called after him.

"I bet 'e's goin' to clear Randolph's stuff from the 'ouse!" Someone else shouted.

Their laughter followed him as he picked his way back to the shack. His legs were shaking and he was afraid he's pass out.

Selena came out of her house when he passed. "Remus? What is it? Are you okay?"

Unable to respond, Remus stumbled and fell to his knees, vomiting into a shrub.

"What happened?" She asked, her voice shaking.

He shook his head, rising to his feet and moving unsteadily towards the creek that had not yet frozen over. The water was like ice as he rinsed his mouth and splashed his face.

She followed him, worried.

"You need to get out of here," he told her quietly.

Selena knelt beside him. "What happened?" She asked gently.

"You need to get out of here, for your own safety."

"You're scaring me."

"Randolph, they killed Randolph."

Tears quickly filled her eyes as she clasped her hands over her mouth.

"They're evil, Selena, completely evil. R—Randolph wouldn't join Voldemort so they killed him, brutally murdered him, and hung his body from a tree."

"No," she whispered, tears falling. "Randolph was a good man, everyone loved him."

"Apparently, they loved Voldemort even more."

"I can't go. I have to stay and fight this fight."

"Selena…"

"I _have_ to. For Randolph."

Remus nodded slowly. He understood. "Just…be careful."

………………………………………….

The following week, just before he was to leave for the Weasley's, Remus took down Randolph's body, he had to wait until it was safe to do so, and he buried it in an unmarked grave.

……………………………………………

The fire was warm and comforting. Remus had lost more weight and the cold was bothering him even more than it had in the past. He barely heard the wireless as Mrs. Weasley turned it up to hear Celestina Warbeck over Fleur's complaints.

It was the night before Christmas and he was with the Weasley's, Harry, and Fleur to celebrate the holiday. He had reported to Dumbledore what had happened and they discussed the possibility of him leaving the underground for his own safety. But, like Selena, he felt he needed to stay, for Randolph. Randolph. As he stared at the dancing flames, he couldn't help but think of the kind man who had taken him in when no one else would. The man he trusted and liked. Just another death in this unfair war.

As usual, his thoughts turned to Tonks. If it had been her, if she died in this war, he honestly didn't know what he would do. He couldn't admit to the fact that he loved her, but if anything happened to her, he knew he would lose his mind.

Harry's voice broke through his thoughts and he turned his attention to the boy who was talking to Arthur. The topic of conversation was Snape and what Harry thought was proof that the professor was still a Death Eater.

_So much like his father_, Remus thought.

"Pretending to offer help, so that he could find out what Malfoy's up to?" said Harry quickly. "Yeah, I thought you'd say that. But how do we know?"

"It isn't our business to know," Remus spoke up. "It's Dumbledore's business. Dumbledore trusts Severus, and that ought to be good enough for all of us."

He was glad to have something to talk about, something to take his mind off the pain of what had happened recently. For several minutes, he sat by the fire and spoke with Harry, explaining his thoughts on Snape and what he had been doing. He told the boy about the werewolves that how they hoped to have better lives under Voldemort's rule. It was difficult, but he shared his story with Harry, telling him about Grayback and how he had come to his condition, that Grayback was making it hard for him to reason with the other werewolves and try to convince them to not take out revenge on normal people.

"But you are normal!" said Harry fiercely. "You've just got a – a problem –"

For the first time in long time, Remus laughed. "Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He used to call it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit." He took the glass of eggnog Molly handed him, feeling a bit better as he thought back on his friends.

"Have you ever heard of someone called the Half-Blood Prince?"

"The Half-Blood what?" Remus asked, confused by the question. He listened as Harry told him about the Half-Blood Prince. If James had known about this conversation, Remus knew he would have laughed, but when he realized that Harry actually thought his father would want to go by that name, he didn't find it funny.

"James was a pureblood, Harry, and I promise you, he never asked any of us to call him 'Prince'."

"And it wasn't Sirius? Or you?"

"Definitely not."

"Oh." Harry turned to look into the fire. "I just thought – well, he's helped me out a lot in Potions class, the Prince has."

"How old is this book, Harry?"

"I dunno, I never checked."

"Well, perhaps that will give you some clue as to when the Prince was at Hogwarts."

"Oh come and stir my cauldron," Fleur sang in a mocking voice, making fun of Mrs. Weasley's favorite singer.

They all turned and saw the look on Mrs. Weasley's face.

"Wow, look at the time," George said loudly.

"My, it is late, isn't it?" Fred added.

Mr. Weasley nodded, getting to his feet. "Yes, it is. I believe it's time for bed."

They all bade each other good night and retired to their separate rooms.

Remus slipped into Bill's bed and turned out the light. There was just something so comforting about being in a home surrounded by loved ones. For the first time since Randolph's death, he slipped into a full night's sleep.

And his dreams were filled with images of a young witch with brown hair and sad eyes.

………………………………………………………………………………………

The next afternoon, Remus joined the others at the table for Christmas lunch. He donned the soft, brown sweater Molly had made for him and took a seat beside Harry. The atmosphere was surprisingly light and he allowed himself to enjoy the spirit.

He bit back a smile when he saw the slight blush rise to Harry's cheeks when Ginny reached over and picked a maggot out of his hair. _That boy has it bad_, Remus thought.

"You are as bad as zat Tonks," Fleur told Ron after he knocked the gravy boat over. "She is always knocking –"

"I invited _dear_ Tonks to come along today," said Mrs. Weasley, setting the carrots down in front of Fleur. "But she wouldn't come. Have you spoken to her lately, Remus?"

He gripped his fork a little tighter, but forced himself to keep his voice even when he replied. "No, I haven't been in contact with anybody very much. But Tonks has got her own family to go to, hasn't she?"

"Hmmm," said Mrs. Weasley. "Maybe. I got the impression she was planning to spend Christmas alone, actually."

Remus ignored the annoyed look she sent him and pushed the parsnips around on his plate. If she was trying to get to him, she was succeeding. Part of him wanted to throw down his fork and go to her, spend Christmas with the one person he really wanted to be with, but the more logical part of him knew that would be the wrong thing to do.

"Tonks's Patronus has changed its form," Harry told him. "Snape said so anyway. I didn't know that could happen. Why would your Patronus change?"

This came as a shock to Remus. He slowly took a bite of turkey, trying to grasp what exactly Harry was telling him. He knew she was hurt and upset, but he had no it was this bad. Feeling his throat close, he swallowed hard and answered Harry's question carefully. "Sometimes…a great shock…an emotional upheaval…"

"It looked big, and it had four legs," said Harry, lowering his voice. "Hey it couldn't be --?"

They both looked up, shocked by Mrs. Weasley's sudden outburst.

"Arthur! Arthur—it's Percy!"

"_What_?"

Everyone turned to look, Ginny standing to get a better look.

"Arthur, he's – he's with the Minister!"

Before anyone could think to do or say anything more, the back door opened and Percy walked in. After a moment's silence, he spoke stiffly.

"Merry Christmas, Mother."

It was almost painful to watch as Mrs. Weasley threw herself at Percy, hugging him tightly. The Minister stood in the doorway and observed the scene before him. He spoke as though he had practiced a speech, begging their forgiveness for the intrusion and explaining how they had been in the neighborhood on business and Percy couldn't resist on dropping in. Lupin cast a quick glance around and saw that no one, other than Mrs. Weasley, believed this any more than he did.

"Please, come in, sit down, Minister!" Mrs. Weasley gushed. "Have a little purkey, or some tooding…I mean – "

"No, no, my dear Molly. I don't want to intrude, wouldn't be here at all if Percy hadn't wanted to see you all so badly…"

"Oh, Perce!" said Mrs. Weasley tearfully, reaching up to kiss him.

"…We've only looked in for five minutes, so I'll have a stroll around the yard while you catch up with Percy. No, no, I assure you I don't want to butt in! Well, if anyone cared to show me your charming garden…Ah, that young man's finished, why doesn't he take a stroll with me?"

Remus tensed as the Minister gestured to Harry. This was all obviously an act that none of them were buying. The Minister had come to speak to Harry and Remus wasn't about to let him do that alone.

"It's fine," Harry whispered when Lupin went to stand and join them. "Fine," he added, as Mr. Weasley opened his mouth to speak.

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence after Harry and Scrimgeour left the kitchen.

"Oh, oh Perce, come, please, sit down," Mrs. Weasley gushed. "Would you like something to eat? I know how much you like pudding, or turkey. Bill, dear, get another plate please. Ron, make room for your brother."

"He's no brother of mine," Fred mumbled.

"Or mine," George agreed quietly.

Lupin stood and turned his back on the table, crossing the room to look out the window. He watched the two figures cross to the garden and stand over it. He fought the urge to go outside and join them, Harry had told him it was fine and he had to let the boy do this himself. But he wouldn't let the two of them out of his sight, if Harry needed him, he would be ready to go.

"How are things at the Ministry, dear?" Molly asked, piling a plate high with parsnips, carrots, and turkey.

"Very well, thank you," Percy replied stiffly.

"Did you get the sweater I sent you?"

"Yes."

"I hope it fits well, I—I had to guess since you've been so busy lately and I haven't seen you much."

No one else spoke as Mrs. Weasley tried to keep the conversation going and lighten the tension in the room. Remus' eyes never left the two in the yard as they spoke. He didn't even notice Mr. Weasley had come to stand beside him until the other man spoke.

"All right, Remus?" Arthur asked, his voice strained.

"Appears to be," he replied. "They're just talking."

Remus and Arthur both turned when they heard voices rise behind them.

"You're only here to show off Harry to the Minister!" George snapped.

"Glad to see we're of some use to you," Fred added angrily.

"Boys, please don't do this," pleaded Mrs. Weasley. "It's Christmas!"

Percy's face burned an angry red. "I should have known I wouldn't be welcome here."

"Don't say that, dear, of course you're welcome here, this is your home!"

"Not much of a home," he mumbled.

_Splat_!

Silence.

No one spoke after a spoonful of mashed parsnips hit Percy right between the eyes.

Moving slowly, he lifted a napkin and wiped his face.

Ron and the twins snickered while Ginny smoothed her hair and tried to look innocent.

"Children!" Mr. Weasley called out, tiredly. "That was totally unnecessary. Who did that?"

More silence.

"I want to know, now!"

"I did." Fred, George, and Ginny all answered.

Slowly rising to his feet, with parsnips still splattered on his glasses, Percy threw his napkin on the table and whirled away from the table.

"Oh no, Percy, don't go!" Molly cried. "Please, it won't happen again, stay and have some pudding."

"I know when I'm not welcome."

"Then he wouldn't have come at all," George whispered to Fred.

Percy glared at his younger brothers. "When the day comes that you see I was right and you were wrong, don't bother asking me for help."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Fred replied, airily.

"Same goes for you," George added.

Without another word, Percy stormed from the kitchen, slamming the door behind him.

Arthur followed Molly when she hurried from the room, sobbing.

"Did you guys really have to do that?" Bill asked. "It's Christmas, couldn't you have thought of Mum for once?"

"We did, we thought it would be best for her if we got rid of him," Fred explained.

Lupin turned when the door opened and Harry entered. "Harry, what happened?"

He shrugged. "It was nothing. What happened to Percy?"

"He was being a prat," Ginny said simply.

Remus went to say something else, but thought better of it. He would wait for another time to ask Harry what had happened.

………………………………………………………………………….

Tonks waved her wand, making two gingerbread man cookies race across her desk. When they both fell off the end of her desk, she sighed and waved her wand again so the pieces flew back up and landed, whole again, on the plate in front of her.

The offices of the Ministry were practically empty on Christmas, only a few people had volunteered to stay. Tonks had been invited to go to the Weasley's and her mother had asked her to come home, but she just wasn't in the mood to celebrate. With all that was going on, the Christmas Spirit had passed her by this year and so she decided to come in to work.

"Hey, Tonks, want some fruitcake?"

She turned in her chair and saw Kreed, a senior auror, sit at the desk beside hers and hold out a tin. "Uh, no, thank you."

"I know it sucks, being in here on Christmas and all, but lets make the most of it. Have some fruitcake and come join us downstairs for some cider."

"Thanks, Kreed, but I'm really not in the mood."

"What? Did you get a big lump of coal in your stocking this morning?"

She shook her head and pulled a file out of a drawer. "I just have a lot of work to do."

"Okay, well, you know where we are if you feel like joining us."

"Yeah, thanks." Tonks flipped through the papers, trying to appear busy until she heard his footsteps fade away.

It hadn't been coal she had received that morning, but rather several gifts from her parents, a sweater from Mrs. Weasley, a box of Honeyduke's chocolate from Harry, and a Weird Sisters poster from Paul. There had been nothing from Remus, but then she hadn't given him anything. She had bought him a present, a new overcoat. It wasn't the nicest or the most expensive, but it was better than the one he currently wore. It was carefully wrapped and sitting on the table in her flat.

She wasn't quite sure if she was going to give it to him yet or how she was would give it to him. She thought about sending it to the Weasley's for him to open Christmas morning, but had chickened out at the last minute.

Tonks stood and stretched, checking her watch. She was actually done with her work and had only been scheduled until two o'clock. Now it was three thirty and she wasn't sure what she was going to do. With a wave of her hand, she locked her desk and looked around one last time to make sure everything was as it should be before apparating to her flat.

Two owls were sitting on the windowsill in her living room when she returned. One carried a package from Molly, full of turkey, mashed parsnips, carrots, fresh bread, and pudding. A note included read: **Dear Tonks, I'm sorry you couldn't join us for Christmas, so I thought I would send the meal to you. I hope you have a very Happy Christmas and find peace in the New Year. Love, Molly**.

Smiling, Tonks set the parcel on her dining table and turned to the large brown owl with a small package attached to its leg. A simple note was written on top. **Happy Christmas.** **Remus**.

With trembling fingers, she untied the wrap and peeled back the plain, brown paper. Beneath that was a small box. Nestled in a bed of sparkling, red tissue paper was a small figurine of a fairy like creature with small wings nestled in the crook of the branches of a tree. She wore a dress made of leaves and was sitting with her knees bent and her chin resting on her knees, beneath a shock of violet colored spiked hair, a serene look was carefully painted face. At the bottom of the tree trunk were the words "Wood Nymph".

Tonks turned it in her hands. Judging by the fact that it was completely stationary, she knew it was muggle made.

For the first time in days, she smiled.

The large brown owl was still sitting on her table, poking at the parcel Molly had sent with its beak. Tonks retrieved the box she had left on her end table and grabbed a small piece of parchment. After some thought, she simply wrote **Happy Christmas. Tonks.** and attached the note to the package.

"Take this back to Remus, please," she said, attaching the package to the owl's leg.

After watching the bird fly off, she carried the figurine to the mantle over her fireplace and set it beside the green potion bottle.


	21. Chapter 21

Tonks stared at the ceiling and sighed. She had just come off an eighteen hour shift, monitoring Hogwarts, but she just couldn't sleep. She had offered to work another shift, but Dawlish sent her home, telling her she looked like death warmed over and she'd be no use to them in that condition.

She rolled over and punched her pillow, trying to get comfortable. The months since Christmas had been lonely and long. She hadn't heard from Remus since he had sent her gift, Molly was the only member of the Order she still heard from. But each week, Tonks politely turned down Molly's invitation to dinner, she just wasn't in the mood to socialize. She wasn't in the mood to do much of anything.

She had a job to do, and Tonks was doing her best, but her heart just wasn't in it. Deep down, she knew she was being selfish. They were at war, Harry needed help, people were being injured and killed, there was mass devastation all over England, and all she could think about was Remus and how he kept pushing her away.

It just wasn't fair!

_I know he feels something for me. He can deny it all he wants, but I know the truth. All he's doing is hurting us both at a time when we could only be helping each other. Jerk!_

Tonks rolled over again and sighed. She wished she had stayed in Hogsmeade, if she was working she could at least pretend to have something else to think about. But she knew better. Even when she was patrolling, her mind was elsewhere. Or rather on someone else.

One evening, over a month earlier, Tonks had come upon Harry pacing a hallway in Hogwarts. At first, she had barely recognized him, she had been too distracted thinking about Remus. The full moon was coming soon and she was worried. Molly had told her about Randolph's death, Remus had kept it a secret, but Selena had confided in Molly. The idea that he was living among a group of such evil, ruthless, heartless creatures frightened her and when she thought about the werewolves who weren't taking Wolfsbane and what they could do to Remus, it caused her many sleepless nights.

Tonks had conversed a bit with Harry, but she hadn't really paid much attention to what he said. There had been a lot of rumors circulating, people were being injured. And then there had been that poor Montgomery boy, five years old and he was dead, attacked by Greyback.

After walking away, she realized what had just happened and stopped in her tracks. What would Sirius say if he knew she was behaving like that? What would he say if something happened to Harry on her watch because she was too distracted with thoughts of Remus? What would Remus say?

Utterly ashamed of her behavior, she had retraced her tracks and gone back to the hallway she had seen Harry, but he was gone. From that moment on, Tonks vowed to keep her mind on the task at hand and make Harry's, and all the students at Hogwarts, safety her top priority.

She made herself pay closer attention to what all was going on with the trio. A couple of weeks earlier, Katie Bell returned to the castle. The girl couldn't remember what had happened to her, but that was probably for the best. Hermione had passed her Apparition test, but Ron hadn't. Harry was still too young yet to take the test. She knew Ron had broken up with his girlfriend and that Harry and Ginny seemed to be getting closer. The thought of Harry with a girlfriend made her smile. Tonks liked to think that he could have a bit of normalcy amidst the chaos.

* * *

Remus poured hot water into a chipped tea cup and set the kettle back on the stove. He was having trouble sleeping. Many of the same problems that were keeping Tonks awake were also plaguing him. His thoughts kept shifting from Tonks to Harry and back again. He had heard several of the rumors that Tonks had heard, if it hadn't been for Molly writing him and keeping him updated on who was and wasn't injured, he would go insane with worry. 

At least twice a month he received a coded message from Molly telling him that Tonks and Harry were fine. He would respond, letting her knew he was fine and unable to join them for Sunday dinner. He hoped that meant that word was getting to Tonks that he was all right. Remus really didn't want her to worry about him, she had enough to deal with.

Sipping the warm tea, he scowled in distaste. The tea bag had already been used three times and it now produced a tea so weak, it was like drinking hot water. Part of him wished he had taken Molly up on her offer for dinner that week. A home cooked meal would do him a world of good. But he couldn't take the chance at being seen. The death of the Montgomery boy was still major news and he knew any werewolf was in danger if caught in public.

Remus had been devastated by the news of the boy's death. He had known, even before the rumors started circulating, that it had been Greyback. That monster had to be stopped before he had the chance to harm anyone else. What if he hurt Harry? Or Tonks?

_Tonks_ _can take care of herself,_ he reminded himself. _She's an auror, she can look out for herself_.

No matter how many times he told himself that, he still worried. The last time he had seen her she had been so thin, so tired and sick looking.

Once again, guilt gnawed at his gut. It was his fault and he knew it. But she had to understand that he couldn't be with her.

Remus looked around the cold, drafty shack in which he was living and felt his heart sink. Whenever he allowed himself the luxury of thinking about Tonks and wondering if they really could be together, he stopped and took a long, hard look at his life. He had nothing to offer her. He could only bring her down.

Fighting back the urge to throw his tea cup across the room, Remus stood and slowly crossed to the metal tub that served as a sink and set it in there. He would not give in to his anger and frustration. He would work hard at fighting the good fight, living up to James' and Sirius' memories and helping Harry. He would not allow himself to be distracted by Nymphadora Tonks.

* * *

It was a warm afternoon in June when Remus found himself wandering the woods near the werewolf compound. The full moon had been over a week earlier and he was feeling strong. He had shared a good meal with Selena the night before. She had made a surprisingly good stew from a rabbit she had caught. Earlier in the day, he had received a note from Molly telling him that things were going well and not to believe the rumors he had heard, that Moody, Kingsley and Tonks were all fine. 

There were rumors that Moody had been put under the Cruciatus Curse and that Kingsley had been attacked in London. As for Tonks, he hadn't heard any rumors, but Molly always made sure he knew she was doing well.

"Remus?"

He looked over his shoulder and saw Selena coming towards. "Hello, Selena."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. Thank you again for supper last night, it was very good."

"Thank you." She blushed slightly. "I always enjoyed cooking."

"Yes, well, you're quite good at it."

For several long minutes, the two of them followed a beaten path through the trees. They had fallen into a comfortable friendship, Selena apparently accepting the fact that what they had wasn't going to go beyond friendship. Remus knew she felt something more for him, but he just couldn't return her feelings.

"What do you have planned for today?" She asked, conversationally.

"I have work to do for the Order."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, thank you, just lay low and keep safe."

"You too."

He smiled softly, wondering why he felt so sad, like this was the last time he would see her. "I'll, uh, I'll see you around."

"We'll have to dinner again, when you get back."

"Absolutely. This time I'll cook."

She smiled shyly. "You're on."

Remus nodded and checked his watch. "Take care, Selena."

"You too, Remus."

He had told Dumbledore he would arrive at Hogwarts just after supper. He wasn't sure why he was needed, but when Dumbledore asked, Remus never hesitated to act. He wondered if he was going to see Tonks, part of him dreaded the thought while part of him couldn't wait to see her. How would she look? Had she regained her metamorphmagizing abilities? Did she still think of him?

Shaking his head, trying to get those thoughts out of his mind, Remus apparated to Hogsmeade. It was still warm, with a slight breeze ruffling the tree tops around him. The walk up to the castle was quiet and beautiful as the sun was just starting to lower beyond the mountains. There were not many people out on the grounds, he knew things were different and everyone was being more cautious. He moved quietly and quickly, arriving at McGonagall's office where he knocked on the door and waited to be granted entrance.

"Who is it?" The Deputy Headmistress called through the door.

"It's me, Minerva, Remus."

The door opened a crack and she peered out before opening the door the whole way, ushering him inside. "Come in, come in. Bill is here, I'm expecting Nymphadora at any moment."

Remus tried not to flinch at the mention of Tonks' name and nodded to Bill. "May I ask why we were asked to come here?"

"Dumbledore had an errand to go on and he asked for added protection while he's gone. I hope he'll explain when he gets back."

"Is Harry here?"

"I haven't seen him in a while. Why?"

Remus shrugged. "I was thinking about stopping in to see him before I leave."

McGonagall nodded, but her response was stopped by a knock on the door. She hurried to across the room and asked who was there.

"It's me, Tonks."

Remus couldn't help but notice how low her voice was, how worn she sounded.

"Good, good, you're here, come in, come in." Minerva stepped aside and motioned to the chairs she had set by the fireplace. "Please, have a seat."

Tonks walked in, nodded to Bill and glanced up at Remus. They locked eyes for a moment before she broke the gaze and took the seat beside Bill.

Minerva sat behind her desk and addressed the three of them. "As you all know, Dumbledore had business to attend to this evening. He asked that the three of you join myself and the other professors in doing rounds and protecting the students within the castle. I would like the three of you to stick together and if you see anything suspicious, contact me using your patronus. Any questions?"

Remus looked at the other two and they both shook their heads.

"All right then. I'm sure Dumbledore will let us know when he returns."

"Do the other professors know we're here?" Bill asked.

"They know Dumbledore requested back up."

"Will they…will they have a problem with me being here?" Remus asked, trying to ignore the way Tonks stiffened beside him.

Minerva shook her head. "They respect Albus' decisions."

"All right," Bill got to his feet. "Let's get started."

It was a long couple of hours for Remus. The three of them stuck together, walking the halls and grounds. Both Remus and Tonks were doing their best to not look at the other, to keep their attention solely on the task at hand.

Bill wanted to find his brother and sister, make sure they were safe. But it was Ron and Ginny, along with Neville who found them. Ginny quickly explained that there was something going on in the Room of Requirement, an impenetrable darkness that was hiding Draco Malfoy and whatever he was doing.

"Ginny, Ron, Neville, go back to Gryffindor tower and do not leave, do you understand me?" Bill ordered.

"But-"

"Do not argue with me, Ginny! Go!"

Wands clutched in their hands, the three members of the Order gave chase and hurried toward the Room of Requirement. But they were surprised to see a group of wizards and witches dressed in Death Eater robes. They were spotted and the Death Eaters scattered, one Remus recognized as Gibbon took off and ran up the steps to the Astronomy Tower. Bill sent a patronus to Minerva and followed Tonks after the others as Remus chased after Gibbon. He was stopped by two Death Eaters shooting curses and spells at him.

Moments later Gibbon hurried back down the stairs.

"_Avada_ _Kedavra_!"

Remus had no idea who shot the spell at him, but he ducked just in time and the green light flew past him and hit Gibbon square in the chest. The man fell limp instantly and slid down the rest of the stairs lifelessly.

The fight moved down through the castle as more professors joined them. It was hard work amidst utter chaos, but they were able to fight the Death Eaters back out of the castle and onto the grounds.

_Where's Dumbledore?_ He thought, griping his wand and running towards the battle.

"_Stupefy_!" Remus shouted, pointing his wand at an advancing Death Eater. He then shot ropes from his wand tip and bound the man.

He continued forward, shooting out spells, trying to get to where he saw Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and Neville fighting. His only thoughts were of protecting them.

"Lupin."

Remus froze as the rasping voice cut through the shouts and grunts around him. He knew that voice, he would know that voice anywhere. Raising his wand, he pointed it at the werewolf's chest. "Greyback."

Greyback ran his tongue over his sharp, yellow teeth and grinned evilly. "What brings you here on this lovely night?"

"_Stupe_-"

Greyback struck out and knocked the wand from Remus' hand with surprising speed. "We don't need wands, you and me, Lupin, we're animals, we fight hand to hand."

"I am nothing like you."

Greyback leaned closer, his grin growing. "You are exactly like me."

Anger, like he hadn't felt in years, began to well up in Remus and his hands balled into fists. "I am nothing like you. I will never be like you."

Greyback grunted as he stumbled forward. Someone had bumped into him from behind. With a growl, Grayback whirled around and attacked the person behind him.

Remus lunged forward and snatched his wand, ducking his head as a spell flew at him. He glanced over his shoulder when he heard a familiar voice shout "_Protego_!" For a brief moment, Remus froze as he watched Tonks bob and weave, deflecting spells and shooting out spells of her own. His heart caught in his throat as a jet of purple light flew just to the right of her head. He was snapped out of it at the sound of a man screaming.

Greyback was crouched over his victim, attacking with a vengeance. Somewhere, Dumbledore's name was being passed around the crowd like a whisper. Remus watched as Greyback froze and lifted his head. Without a word, he jumped to his feet and followed two squat, lumpy looking wizards up to the castle.

Lupin hurried over to the man on the ground and fell to his knees. Bill Weasley lay motionless, bleeding. With his heart in his throat, Remus felt for a pulse and let out a sigh of relief when he found it. With a flick of his wand he cast a protection spell over the young man and jumped to his feet, hoping to help.

The children were all still on their feet, looking surprisingly capable in the midst of dangerous adult wizard. He ducked just in time to miss being hit by a stream of red light. "_Stupefy_!" Fighting through the crowd, he shot out spells and dodged the ones aimed at him. It was complete chaos and he had to be careful to not accidentally hit one of the professors or Order members.

"Aha, Remus!"

He whirled around and came face to face with Ulf, the werewolf from the commune. "Ulf?"

"So it was true, Randolph was telling the truth. You know I never really trusted you."

"Why are you here?"

"I am fighting for what's right."

"No, you're not, why can't you see…"

"Your girlfriend's dead."

"What?" Remus was confused and his eyes quickly shifted to where he had last seen Tonks.

"Selena."

Remus felt his heart drop. "What?"

Ulf grinned. "She died calling your name."

"Why? She did nothing to you!"

"She got in my way."

Remus raised his wand and found himself face to face with Ulf's wand. For a brief moment, they froze, locked in a duel.

"_Crucio_!"

"_Stupefy_!"

Remus bobbed to the side just in time to miss getting hit by Ulf's curse and shot up with his own spell. When Ulf was stunned, Remus quickly bound him with magical ropes.

He had no idea how much time had passed, Remus only knew he was physically exhausted, but adrenaline pumped through his veins and he continued fighting. Every time he heard Tonks' voice, he felt a new burst of energy that helped him surge forward. This was it. Everything could be over tonight. His thoughts moved quickly to Harry. Where was he? Where was Dumbledore? He heard the voices of McGonagall and Hagrid, but no Dumbledore.

There were voices that suddenly rose over the chaos. One of them was Harry's.

"_Stupefy_!"

"Run, Draco!"

Remus whirled around, hearing Snape's voice, but he was knocked down by a running Death Eater. He got to his knees and then to his feet. Harry was alive. He noticed all around him that the Death Eaters appeared to be leaving. They were firing curses and hexes as they moved toward the castle gates.

Everything after that seemed to move in a blur to Remus. He helped Tonks move Bill to the hospital wing where they saw the true extent of his injuries in the harsh lighting of the infirmary. They were joined by Ron, Ginny, and Hermione. Neville and Professor Flitwick were both taken to the hospital and attended to. Molly and Arthur had been notified of Bill's injuries and were on their way.

Ginny slipped quietly from the room and returned minutes later with Harry in tow.

Remus continued to study Bill's injuries as Madam Pomfrey tended to him. If Greyback wasn't transformed when he attacked, then what was to become of Bill? As he thought of this, Ginny's words interrupted.

"Ron – Dumbledore's dead."

"No!" Remus cried before he could stop himself. For the first time, he felt as though they had lost. It was over. What were they going to do now? He buried his face in his hands and fell back into the chair beside him.

Tonks fought the urge to go to him, to offer him comfort. "How did he die?" She whispered. "How did it happen?"

Time seemed to stretch for an eternity as Harry told them all what happened. Minerva arrived and they all spoke, trying to figure out what had happened, how it had happened. Why did Snape do it? How had they all been tricked by him? How had Dumbledore? They all felt some form of guilt of being taken by Snape.

The doors to the hospital flew open as Molly and Arthur flew in, followed by Fleur, all three of them looking worried. Tonks and Lupin moved quickly out of the way so the Weasley's could get to their son.

"You said Greyback attacked him?" Mr. Weasley asked Professor McGonagall distractedly. "But he hadn't transformed? So what does that mean? What will happen to Bill?"

"We don't yet know," said Professor McGonagall, looking helplessly at Lupin.

Tonks watched Remus as he tried to answer the Weasleys' concerns. Tears filled her eyes as she listened to Fleur assure Molly that she still wanted to marry Bill, that she loved him in spite of his injuries. A lump formed in her throat as the two women hugged. Something snapped inside her and she turned to glare at Lupin.

"You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely –"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Lupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times…"

Lupin stared at the floor, unable to meet her eyes. "And I've told _you_ a million times that I am too old for you, to poor…to dangerous…"

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," said Mrs. Weasley over Fleur's shoulser as she patted her on the back.

Embarrased and frustrated, Lupin replied steadily, "I am not being ridiculous, Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

"But she wants you," said Mr. Weasley, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."

"This is…not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead…"

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," said Professor McGonagall curtly, just as the hospital doors opened again and Hagrid walked in.

Tonks felt a twinge of guilt over Remus' uneasiness. She knew now that she had acted impulsively and had embarrassed him. She watched as he continued to look everywhere but at her. When McGonagall left with Harry, he kept his eyes on the boy, watching him until the door shut behind him.

"What happens now?" Ginny asked quietly.

"Fleur and I will stay here with Bill," her mother said. "I think you and Ron and Hermione should return to the tower and get some sleep."

"Sleep? You expect us to sleep?" Ron asked, incredulously.

"What…what'll happen to Hogwarts?" asked Hermione.

Lupin moved his shoulders slowly. "It will probably close, for now."

"They can't do that, can they?"

"The safety of the students is what's most important and now that the Headmaster is…is gone and one of the teachers was responsible, no parent will want to keep their child here."

A quiet groan came from Bill and Fleur and Molly turned quickly to fuss over him.

With his shoulders low, Mr. Weasley wrapped his arms around his youngest son and daughter. "Come along, I'll walk you all back to your rooms."

Tonks hesitated a moment, watching Remus as he stood with his back to her. She knew he was probably angry with her for bringing up their personal problems in front of other people and he probably wasn't happy that she had spoken to others about it before. But he didn't say anything or look at her. When she spoke, her voice was raw and hoarse. "I, uh, I'm going to go see what I can do to help."

Remus tensed at the sound of her voice and he closed his eyes against the emotions that rose within him.

When the door closed behind Tonks, Molly turned to him. "Remus, we have all lost and suffered so much. Now is the time to seek and accept friendship and love, not push it away. We need each other."

He nodded slowly, his thoughts turning to Selena who had died alone and Dumbledore who had been lost to someone he had trusted.

Just as he felt his world crumble around him, Remus realized all he wanted was to be with her.


	22. Chapter 22

Hi all!

A quick note to let you know this chapter is RATED M! This ended up being a very mature chapter, if you think you might be offended, please don't read!

Thank you,

Failte

* * *

It was after two in the morning before Tonks returned to her flat. She did what she could to help sort out what had happened, getting help to the injured, and helping to secure the perimeter of the school. 

After leaving the hospital, she hadn't seen Remus again that night. She didn't know where he had gone or what he was doing. Her nerves were raw with worry. Was he angry with her? Had she embarrassed and upset him? Would he ever talk to her again?

She sighed as she opened the door to the building that housed her flat. Starting up the stairs to her third floor home, she decided to stop worrying about it. She had acted impulsively, but she said what she needed to say and would not regret it. Everything was totally out in the open now and if he regretted it or was embarrassed, that was his problem.

Tonks stopped short, her heart in her throat as she approached her door. There, sitting on the floor, his knees bent and his forehead resting on them, was Remus. He didn't look up when she stopped in front of him and so Tonks lowered herself down to sit beside him.

For several long moments, neither one of them spoke. They didn't touch, they didn't acknowledge each other.

Finally, Remus lifted his head and looked at her with red eyes. No words were needed as they fell into each other's arms. It was then that Tonks allowed the tears to fall. Wrapped tightly in his embrace, her face pressed to his shoulder, she sobbed quietly. Remus didn't say anything, he didn't need to. He simply stroked her back and held her.

When the tears stopped and she trusted her legs to be strong enough to hold her, Tonks released him and rose to her feet. She unlocked and opened her door, stepping aside to allow him entrance. She slid her robe off and turned to ask him if he would like some tea. But the words never left her as he took her face in his hands and kissed her so gently, so longingly, she felt her knees weaken and the robe slipped from her hands to land in a pile on the floor.

"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely when he broke the kiss, still holding her face in his hands. "I'm sorry for worrying you, for hurting you, for…everything."

She nodded slowly, unable to find her voice.

"I—I've been an old fool, I've been pushing away what I need the most. I do need you, Nymphadora, I shouldn't, it's irresponsible of me, I have no right to ask you to join me in this life of mine, but I do. I can't stop thinking about you or worrying about you. When…when everything was over tonight, I could only think of you and my need to be with you, I sat outside your front door for over two hours waiting for you. I—I feel like I've been waiting my entire life for you."

She pulled away from him, swiping at her wet eyes with the back of her hand. "Don't call me Nymphadora."

"Tonks."

"What…what changed your mind?"

"I've lost so many people, I didn't want to lose you. I realized how close I was to that."

"What if I said it was too late?"

"I wouldn't listen to you."

The corner of her mouth quirked up as she lifted her eyes to his. "I thought you'd hate me for what I said earlier."

"I could never hate you."

"But I embarrassed you."

"Yes. But it was the kick in the arse I needed."

Tonks slid her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. When he slipped his arms around her waist, she whispered. "Will you let me love you?"

After a moment's hesitation, Remus nodded.

She stepped back and studied him a moment. He looked broken and worn. Lifting her hand, she gently brushed aside the hair that fell over his forehead and stroked her hand down his cheek. Her heart swelled, she honestly didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as she loved Remus Lupin.

Tonks took his hand and led him down the hall to her bedroom. Neither of them spoke as she unclipped his robes and pushed them off his shoulders. Beneath he wore a short sleeved shirt that had once been white, but was now graying with age. His brown slacks were patched and the cuffs were beginning to fray above his ancient loafers.

Her need to touch him was overwhelming as she ran her hands up and down his bare arms and over his chest as she stood on her toes and kissed him.

Remus' touch was hesitant as he ran his hands over her back. When Tonks pulled his shirt out of the waistband of his pants, he slid his hands under the Puddlemere United shirt she wore. Her skin was cool and soft beneath his hands.

His touch was driving her insane. She took his hands and led him around the clutter to the bed. When he tried to touch her, she gently pushed his hands away.

"Just…just let me touch you," she said quietly, undoing the buttons of his shirt.

At a loss as to what to do, Remus stood awkwardly, fisting his hands at his sides.

Tonks pushed the shirt off his shoulders and there was an uncomfortable moment where they wrestled to get it off him.

Remus had to fight hard to not cover himself as he fidgeted under her gaze. His torso was thin, his ribs visible, and scars, some old, some new, crossed his body. He felt exposed and vulnerable.

"You're beautiful," she whispered, running her hands over his body.

Her words only made him feel more uncomfortable and he raised his arms to cover himself.

Tonks grabbed his arms and held them down as she pressed gentle kisses to his skin. It was warm and soft beneath her lips. He tasted earthy and salty, his scent was that of man and beast. She felt him tremble and only wanted to soothe him, but her own needs were beginning to overwhelm her. She needed more of him.

He let his head fall back as she kissed her way up his chest to his throat, leaving a trail of fire over his skin. "Release me," he growled.

She dropped his arms and slid her hands over his stomach and chest as he gripped the hem of her shirt, surprising her as he yanked it sharply up over her head. He tossed it aside and pulled her tightly against him. Fisting his hand in her hair, he tilted her head back and pressed his lips to hers. His other hand slid up her back and fumbled with the clasp of her bra. Feeling impatient, he gave it a hard yank, tearing it apart.

Tonks gasped, surprised at his behavior.

"Did I hurt you?" He murmured against her lips.

"No."

He grunted and dipped his head, capturing a nipple between his lips.

She groaned quietly and wove her fingers into his hair, holding him to her.

His nervousness seemed to disappear as he explored her body. He fell to his knees as his lips moved from her breast down her stomach and the waistband of her jeans. Her knees weakened as he stroked her over her jeans. She gripped his shoulders, trying to keep her balance.

He unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, pushing them down her legs. She lost her balance and fell back onto the bed. Remus chuckled as he grabbed her legs to still her.

"Allow me," he teased.

Pulling off her boots, he tossed them aside, followed quickly by her jeans. He climbed up on top of her, stretching his body over hers, relishing in the feel of her hot flesh pressed against his own. She hooked her leg around his waist, grinding her hips against him, feeling his erection grow against the constraints of his slacks.

She ran her hands up and down his back as he kissed his way up her throat to her mouth. Her lips parted and their tongues met. A growl came from deep within him as she continued to move against him. He slid his hand between them and rubbed it over her knickers, feeling them dampen. She arched against him, throwing her head back as he slipped a finger inside her. He lifted his head and watched as she closed her eyes and writhed beneath him.

She cried out his name as she rose up and over the crest.

Remus couldn't help but smile as she went limp beneath him.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him. "You look like the cat who ate the canary."

"You're so beautiful."

Tonks startled Remus with her strength as she rolled him off her. "Oh, we're just getting started, darling."

He groaned and his hips arched as she stroked him gently through the material of his slacks. "Oh, Merlin, Tonks, you're killing me."

She unhooked and unzipped his pants, torturing him with her slow movements.

"I want you inside me," she whispered, running her tongue along his jaw.

Unable to speak, he jerked upward into her hand as she stroked him.

"I love you, so much."

Remus groaned and closed his eyes.

"Do you want me?"

"More than you could ever know," he groaned.

"Tell me," she murmured, wiggling out of her knickers, rubbing her body against his.

"I want you more than I need to take my next breath."

She gripped the waistband of his underwear. "There's no going back, Remus."

"I don't want to. Ever."

His underwear joined hers on the floor.

She kissed him hard before whispering against his lips. "Make love to me."

Remus rolled her over underneath him. She spread her legs so he was nestled between them. With his face pressed into her throat, he entered her.

They both froze, stunned by the sensations and emotions that filled them. Remus lifted his head and looked down at her. She nodded, a tear rolled from her eye.

"Are you hurt?" He asked, his voice strangled.

"No, not hurt…I don't know what, but it's…it's wonderful."

He leaned down, capturing her lips with his own as he began to slowly move his hips. It had been so long since he had been with a woman, a women he cared so much for. A woman he wanted and needed.

He forced himself to go slowly, he wanted her to enjoy this as much as he did. Sliding his hand between them, down her stomach, damp with sweat, he found the small bundle of nerves at the top of her folds. She gasped and arched up against him, crying his name as she came a second time.

Remus froze, trying to rein himself in, not wanting it to end too quickly.

Tonks wrapped her arms and legs around him, rolling across the bed and reversing their positions. She smiled down at him. "Your turn."

She sat up, riding him with a vengeance. Remus closed his eyes, trying to keep up with her, but afraid it would kill him if he tried. He opened his eyes again when she took his hands and placed them on her breasts. He tried to be gentle, massaging.

"I won't break," she assured him, leaning forward to kiss him.

He groaned loudly, meeting her thrust for thrust, his hands raced over her, touching as much of her as he could. He knew he was being rough, he knew he was bruising her, but judging by her reaction, she didn't seem to mind at all.

Tonks braced herself over him, placing a hand on either side of his head and grinding herself against him.

Remus gripped her waist tightly and thrust up, emptying himself inside her. She shuddered and collapsed on top of him.

It was an amazing feeling, he realized. Lying in bed with the most amazing woman he had ever known, covered in a fine sheen of sweat, enjoying the incredible afterglow of having made love with someone he truly cared for.

"I stand corrected," she murmured against his skin. "I think you did break me."

He smiled and lifted her arm, watching it fall again, limp. "Is that really a bad thing?"

"Nope, not at all. Actually, I'm hoping you'll break me at least a million more times."

He turned his head to press a kiss to the top of hers. "Tonks."

"Hm?"

"You're hair."

"Hm?"

"It's pink."

She lifted her head and looked at him. "What?"

He touched the shoulder length hair. "It's pink."

Tonks disentangled herself from him and crossed to the mirror above her bureau. "It is!"

If Remus wasn't so exhausted, the sight of her tight, naked body would have had him tackling her back onto the bed. As it was, he just enjoyed the sight in front of him, allowing his mind to wander about how it would feel to slowly explore and taste every inch of her.

Tonks squeezed up her face and her hair turned a dark green and fell to her waist. A moment later it was shoulder length, curly and red. Her nose changed from long and straight to short and upturned to pig like. She giggled as she tested her abilities, thrilled to have them back. With her hair short, spiked and pink, her eyes large and lavender, she turned and jumped on the bed, kissing him with gusto.

"I'm me again!"

He grinned at her. "Yes, you are."

She cuddled down next to him, her head on his shoulder and her arm thrown across his chest.

Remus pulled the quilt up over them and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mm hm."

"Was it the, uh, the sex that brought your metamorphmagizing abilities back?"

She lifted her head and smiled. "It was good, but not _that_ good. But…"

"But what?"

Color rose to her cheeks as she adverted her gaze from his, embarrassed. "Well, you see, I've, uh…in the past, while, um, while in the throes of passion…"

Remus chuckled.

"Sometimes, I can't control the changes."

"Hm, so you're saying moments of heightened sexual excitement can lead to your image changing?"

"Always the professor, huh?" She asked, laying her head on his shoulder. "No, it doesn't change my appearance completely, but it has caused my hair to change before. I think my abilities came back when you came to me, when you told me how you felt. It wasn't the sex, although that helped, I think it comes from knowing you're mine."

"I'm yours?"

"As much as I'm yours."

_She's mine_. The idea warmed him and he kissed the top of her head. "I never knew that about metamorphmagizing."

"How much do you know about it?"

"I've read a thing or two since I met someone."

"Really? 'Cause I've been reading a few things about werewolves. I wonder if there's a correlation."

"I wonder," he murmured, stroking her back.

……………………………………………………………

The sun was streaming through the window when Tonks opened her eyes. She felt a bit sore and bruised, but fulfilled and happy. Then the memories of all that had happened the night before crashed down upon her, the battle, Dumbledore. With a heavy heart, she rolled over and found an empty bed.

She lifted her head and looked around the room. There was no sign of Remus at all. Pain and anger coursed through her. It seemed as though every time she needed him, he disappeared.

"So you're just walking out again?" She grumbled angrily, pushing back the quilt. "Are you that big a of coward, Remus Lupin? Or are you that big of a jerk?" She picked up her bathrobe that had been tossed over a chair.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she felt like a colossal fool for allowing him to waltz in here and take advantage of her after a horrible night. She hadn't been thinking straight, her emotions had been all churned up and she had just fallen into his arms like some helpless damsel in distress. Well, never again! She was done playing these games with him!

Entering her living room, she stopped short, surprised to see him sitting at the dining table, his head bent over a piece of parchment, quill scratching.

She crossed her arms over her chest and fought to keep her bottom lip from trembling. "At least you have the courtesy to write a note before slinking off."

He raised his head. "Excuse me?"

"Did you think you could just sneak out this morning and I wouldn't say anything? After what we…what we shared last night, you were just going to leave and not say anything? What kind of heartless, self-absorbed prat are you?"

Remus furrowed his brow in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Tonks stomped across the room, stumbling a bit over an upturned edge of her throw rug. "I'm talking about you leaving."

"I'm right here."

She snatched the parchment off the table. "Writing a 'Dear Jane' letter to blow me off? Going to waltz out of my life again?"

"It isn't what you think," he said, his voice lowering, warningly.

Feeling angry and frustrated, as well as relieved that he was still there, Tonks felt like a keg of emotions that were ready to explode. Her hand shook slightly as she looked down at the parchment. Tears welled up again in her eyes as she read it and felt like an even bigger fool.

**Dear Tabitha,**

**It is with deep regret that I must inform you of the passing of your sister, Selena. I know this must come as a shock to you, as it did to me. I considered your sister a good friend and I hope you will find comfort in knowing that she did have friends and people who cared for her. I hope to someday be able to tell you more about what happened, but am unable to right now, just know that she passed fighting the good fight and died a hero. **

**I think she would like you to know that she loved her nieces and nephew, even though they had never met, and I hope you'll find it in your heart to tell them about their aunt and what a kind, good person she was, despite the lifestyle she was forced to live.**

**Yours Truly,**

**Remus** **J. Lupin**

Tonks laid a hand on his shoulder as guilt washed over her. "I'm sorry."

"I felt it my duty to contact her family," he murmured.

"Oh, Remus."

"Then I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

"I didn't know she had died."

"I saw another werewolf last night, he told me. I went back to the commune and…and found her."

Tonks set the letter back on the table and slid her arms around his neck, resting her cheek on top of his head. "I am so sorry, Remus. I…I didn't know. I woke up and you were gone, I guess I just thought the worst."

He patted her arm and then removed her arms from around his neck, standing to face her. "I won't pretend that it didn't hurt that you thought that of me, but I deserved it. I have given you no reason to trust me or to believe that I won't leave you."

"Well, you don't exactly have a good track record."

"I meant it when I told you that I never wanted to hurt you," he told her, quietly. "I will do whatever I need to to gain your trust."

"Don't leave me," she said simply.

"I won't."

"I want to believe, really I do, but…"

He nodded slowly.

She swiped the sleeve of her bathrobe over her eyes. "Damnit, Remus! I don't know what to think! We had an incredible night and falling asleep in your arms was…was all I ever wanted. Then I woke up and you were gone. How many more times are you going to leave me?"

He stepped closer, taking her hands in his. "Tonks, you are the most important person in the world to me, you have been for a long time. I can't stop thinking of you, how much you mean to me. I know I've been a…a heartless, self-absorbed prat, but I'll make it up to you, I promise. I can only ask that you give me the chance to prove myself, to allow my actions to speak for me." He cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face to his. "I didn't really leave this morning, did I?"

She shook her head, biting her lip to keep it from trembling.

"I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to prove myself to you, even if it takes the rest of my life."

Tonks pulled herself free of him and, after a second's hesitation, slipped her arms around him, pulling him close. "Were you really going to make me breakfast in bed?" She asked, her voice shaking.

He hugged her to him. "Yes I was."

"I really am sorry about Selena."

"So am I."

She rubbed her face against the front of his shirt, mumbling something into his chest.

"What was that?"

She tilted her head back to look at him. "I'm glad you were here when I got home last night, I didn't want to be alone."

He leaned down and rested his forehead against hers. "I didn't want to be alone either, Nymphadora."

Tonks wrinkled her nose. "Don't call me that."

Remus thought a moment, he didn't like calling her Tonks, it just didn't seem intimate enough. "Nymph?"

She shook her head. "Sirius was the only one who ever called me that."

"Dora?"

She opened her mouth to disagree then snapped it shut. Lifting her head, she tilted it to the side and studied him. "Say that again."

"Dora." He kissed her gently. "My Dora."

"I like that."

"I like you."

Rising up on her toes, Tonks pressed her lips to his. "Will you stay with me?"

Remus hesitated a moment, contemplating his response. He wanted to be with her, but he was afraid that they were moving too quickly.

They both jumped when they heard a tapping noise. Whirling around, she saw an owl sitting on the window ledge, tapping on the glass with its beak.

"I'll get it," Remus said, crossing the room to open the window.

The owl flew in and landed on the table, holding its leg out to Remus. Before he could shut the window, another owl flew in and landing near the first, holding its leg out to Tonks.

She untied the parchment and unrolled it while he did the same. Tonks looked over his shoulder and saw that his was the exact same short note.

**Professor Dumbledore will be laid to rest on the grounds of Hogwarts in two days time. I wanted you all to know before it was printed in the Prophet.**

**Minerva **

"She must have sent these to all the members of the Order," said Remus quietly.

"I wonder if there is anything we can do."

Remus felt a strange flutter at her casual use of the pronoun 'we'. "Maybe we can go to Hogwarts this afternoon and ask. I'd like to see Harry as well."

She nodded, folding the parchment and shoving it in to the pocket of her robe. "I'm going to go get dressed."

"I'll put water on for tea."

Tonks stopped at the hallway and turned to him. "Remus?"

He shut the window behind the two owls. "Yes?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"What?"

"Will you stay?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "For now."

"What does that mean?"

"That means that I would love to stay with you, but we're at war and I may be needed somewhere. I am still working for the Order, if they need me to go somewhere, I will."

"Oh." Tonks toyed with the tie of her robe and looked at the floor.

He crossed to her, taking her by the shoulders. "But I do want to be with you and I promise you that if I need to go somewhere, I will come back."

She nodded.

"I promise."

"The commune isn't safe any more," she said quietly. "Both Randolph and Selena were killed there. I don't want you going back."

He bit his lip and looked down into her worried, young face. "We'll take it one day at a time, Dora. I'm not going back to the commune, at least not now. But I need to do my job, just like you do. And I can't be here at the full moon." He held up his hand to stop her from arguing. "That is not up for discussion. I have places to go and I will go there. But, for now, I want to be with you, I want to spend time with you, get to know you better."

"So you'll stay?"

Remus nodded.

"Good." She turned and walked down the hall toward the bathroom, calling out over her shoulder. "I haven't had a good meal since I left Grimmuald Place."

He stood rooted to the spot for a moment, caught off guard by her comment. "Glad I can be of some use."

"So am I," she replied, snapping the door shut behind her.

Remus shook his head and smiled as he turned to the kitchen. _What have I gotten myself in to?_

* * *

**Continued in "Unlikely Soulmates"...**

* * *

**AN:** Thank you all so much for your amazing reviews and support and for reading my story. I loved writing this because they are such amazing characters (Thank you J.K. Rowling!) I'm not sure where my muse will take me next, if I'll write another HP story or something else, we'll just have to wait and see. 

Thank you all for everything!


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